Shocking news to bad-mannered men
Contra Costa Times
Article Launched: 11/18/2007 03:04:19 AM PST
Coming soon to a suburban enclave near you: women gathering socially to chat, eat little cakes with coffee and learn how to launch 50,000 volts into someone not behaving properly. 
Oh, this isn't good.
Dana Leigh Shafman, 34, has founded a new company in Arizona called Shieldher. The idea is to market Tasers to women for self-protection. She does this through "Taser parties," where women gather to chat, have a bite to eat and learn how to zap people via a demonstration from a law-enforcement officer.
According to the Arizona Daily Star, the C2 model Taser, which is less powerful than the ones sold to the military and law-enforcement departments (thank you, G-d) is small. It also comes in electric blue, black pearl, titanium silver and, of course, metal pink.
The women at the parties go through the proper background check, pick out their favorite color and arm themselves.
I don't like this one bit.
Not that women shouldn't know how to defend themselves. I have two daughters, one of whom I've begged to join the Marines and learn how to quickly and cleanly kill grabby college boys and dispose of the evidence. The other's only 5, but I'm trying to figure out how to get her a black belt by the time she's 8. I tried to buy her a sword, but her mother wasn't having it.
Obviously I have nothing against a woman who can defend herself. My girlfriend is a wonderfully peaceful and patient woman, who could nevertheless kill me about 17 different ways without a
Taser. She has the hunting bows in the garage and a deer head on the wall to prove her lethal abilities. (I, on the other hand, scream like Michael Jackson if someone says they might kill a spider.)
She hasn't hunted since she was a teen, but I have no illusions that her skills have gone away. Which is why I try to be as nice to her as possible. Not only because I like her so much, but because she would kill me in a fair fight.
But the point is she's reasonable, and I trust her. But I know far too many women who, if given a chance, would Taser a man (OK, me) for no other reason than they could.
Well, that and perhaps the man in question wasn't always the personification of selflessness, respect and mannerly behavior.
I couldn't imagine anything worse than suffering the indignity of lying on the ground, foaming at the mouth and convulsing, thanks to a pink and purple paisley-patterned weapon of near personal destruction. If given the chance, I can think of at least seven women who would've already hospitalized me if they could've done it from a distance.
I've watched "Cops" enough to know what these things do -- at least to large, shirtless men lacking proper dental care and the ability to obey an officer of the law. You fire these barbed hooks from the Taser, which embed themselves into the target. Then come waves of teeth-chattering electricity. Or, in the case of so many subjects on "Cops," gum-rattling electricity.
I'm just not sure if we're ready for thousands of Taser-toting women yet. I know up until this point, it would've been a bad idea. Though she may be a year from having nukes at her fingertips, can you imagine an angry Hillary Clinton with a Taser back in the '90s? I can think of a certain ex-president who'd rather she had nukes.
How about Elizabeth Hurley getting her hands on a Taser when Hugh Grant was arrested soliciting a prostitute? And how many Taser burns would Russell Crowe, Colin Farrell and James Bond possess?
What do you mean James Bond isn't real?
I just thank G-d the women in my family haven't had access to Tasers so far. Some of us wouldn't even be here if my grandmother had one back in the day. Out of love for Grandpa, and a desire not to see him perish before his time, we made a point of keeping all weapons out of her vicinity.
The point is that it's not immediately clear, at least to us men, that Taser-toting women are a good thing. But if nothing else, I suppose Taser parties will force a lot of men to re-examine their behavior toward women. That isn't such a bad thing, as long as no one's shooting me.
Reach Tony Hicks at 925-952-2678 or
[email protected]. Read his blog, "Insert Foot," on ContraCostaTimes.com.
Topic: Tazers for women (Read 5038 times)