From
Jewlarious.comWalking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners when he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Laundry." "Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that belong in Chinatown?"
He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking drycleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase. The tourist asked, "Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?'
The old man answered, "Ah...Evleebody ask me that. It name of owner."
Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here?"
"It me," replies the old man.
"Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple", said the old man. Many, many year ago I come to this country. I standing in line at 'Documentation Center of Immigration.' Man in front of me was Jewish man from Poland. Lady at counter look at him and say, "What your name?"
He say, "Moishe Plotnik."
Then she look at me and say, "What your name?"
I say, "Sam Ting."
The Cohen family was on good terms with their Catholic neighbors, the O'Brian's. In fact, little Yainkele Cohen and Chris O'Brian from next door would play together from time to time. Or at least they used to.
Well, one late December's day, Tim O'Brian, the non-Jewish father, came storming in to the Cohen's house holding poor Yainkel by the ear. "Your son is not going near my Chris again; he just has no respect for us and our religion!"
"What's the matter; what did he do?" inquired Mr. Cohen.
"I'll tell you" said Tim in a rage. "He saw our Christmas tree and started making fun."
"He did?" said Mr. Cohen. "What did he say?"
"He saw our tree and started asking all sorts of ridiculous questions - which kinds of pine trees can be used for a Christmas tree? What's the minimum required height? How close to the window does it need to be? Do too many decorations render it unfit? What if it's under a neighbor's balcony?!"
A Texan is visiting Israel and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. "Can you give me a drink?" asks the Texan
"Of course," says the Israeli, and he invited the Texan to come in.
"What do you do?" asks the Texan.
"I raise chicken" says the Israeli.
"Really?" says the Texan. "I'm also a farmer. How much land do you have?"
"Well, out front it's 50 meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to 100 meters of property. What about your place?"
"Well," says the Texan, "on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive and I don't reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime."
"Really," replies the Israeli. "I once had a car like that too."
The rabbi's sermon went on and on about how important it was to forgive people and reach out to them so as not to make enemies.
"Is there anyone in this synagogue who can honestly say they have no enemies?" asked the rabbi.
Not a hand went up. But a few moments later, a very elderly lady in the back row raised her frail little hand.
"Please, come up and tell us what you have done over all these years that you can be so confident you have no enemies," asked the rabbi.
Dutifully the old woman limped up to the front of the synagogue where she explained, "I outlived 'em all."
Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and a beard, wearing a white robe and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
In a loud voice the President said, "Moses!" The man just stared ahead, not acknowledging the President.
Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?" The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
"Well," said the President, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!"
Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."
