Author Topic: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!  (Read 77555 times)

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Offline mord

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #375 on: August 28, 2014, 04:25:14 PM »
MUMAN613 could you shine a little light on this subject     http://forward.com/articles/204722/fighting-for-israeli-democracy-atop-a-wedding-cake/   


It's from the Forward a guy named Yitzie defending the marriage of the Israeli woman who converted to Islam and married a muslim  .The whole article is with the above link


Rather reminds me of Westboro Baptist Church picketing funerals.
Also, it's ironic that Lehava is practicing lashon hara and the sin of publicly embarrassing a fellow Jew (the bride, who is still Jewish by halacha even if she's converted out). Protesting intermarriage is one thing, harassing a specific bride and groom on their wedding day is quite another.
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Matt613 · 1 day ago
I am unclear on the Loshon Ha Ra issue. This woman's behavior is open and notorious. Generally speaking one should not disclose information that is derogatory. Ms. Malka is making no secret of either her conversion or her marriage. The horse has left the barn here, nothing is being disclosed. Its already public knowledge. As to protesting the wedding, not my thing. However if its a non violent protest, they can do it.
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Yitzie · 1 day ago
You seem to be confusing the halacha of Lashon Ha-Ra with the American law of libel and slander. Read the Chafetz Chaim's "Shemirat Ha-Lashon". Then get back to us.
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Matt613 · 1 day ago
No. I am clear that except in certain limited circumstances, true derogatory information should not be disclosed. The problem here is the Ms Malka has disclosed the information. One could argue that since is openly violating Halacha, Loshon Ha Ra does not apply at all. Libel and slander law apply to false statements. So far as I know it is absolutely true Ms. Malka converted to Islam and married a Muslim.
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Yitzie · 1 day ago
You gotta read the Chafetz Chaim. Lashon Ha-ra is Lashon Ha-ra even if it's true. In fact, the Chafetz Chaim says, it can even be lashon ha-ra if it's good.
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Matt613 · 21 hours ago
That's true, but it is not applicable. For example Leah and Rachel are rivals. Same tell Leah that Rachel is beautiful, a true statement. This generates ill will on the part of Leah towards Rachel. The statement Rachel is beautiful would be LH in this circumstance
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Yitzie · 21 hours ago
right, so your whole "open and notorious" thing is simply irrelevant when it comes to halacha. There are other standards and criteria. Zil g'mor.
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Matt613 · 21 hours ago
No. Its a different type of LH
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Babyface613 · 5 hours ago
The Shmirat HaLashon is a mussar sefer. The book to know when one's words are loshon harah is "Chofetz Chaim".

Read more: http://forward.com/articles/204722/fighting-for-israeli-democracy-atop-a-wedding-cake/#ixzz3BiiRtqnh



Thy destroyers and they that make thee waste shall go forth of thee.  Isaiah 49:17

 
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Offline muman613

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #376 on: August 28, 2014, 06:29:46 PM »
Shalom Mord,

I am not clear what your question is?

A) Concerning whether it is lashon hara?
B) What do I think of the marriage between a Jewess and a muslim?

Clarify, and if I don't see an answer I just may answer both...

And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

Offline mord

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #377 on: August 28, 2014, 07:48:17 PM »
Shalom Mord,

I am not clear what your question is?

A) Concerning whether it is lashon hara?
B) What do I think of the marriage between a Jewess and a muslim?

Clarify, and if I don't see an answer I just may answer both...
well basically i think it's absolutely wrong about the intermarriage but mainly is it Lashon hara
Thy destroyers and they that make thee waste shall go forth of thee.  Isaiah 49:17

 
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Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #378 on: August 29, 2014, 02:07:08 AM »
well basically i think it's absolutely wrong about the intermarriage but mainly is it Lashon hara

I can say that Rabbi Mizrachi was talking about this same issue and was accused of lashon hara by a member of his lecture audience, because is it not a Jewish woman? I can add to his statement that that logic would mean very silent courtrooms, but he said she's the one that publicized the sin, and if she wants to expose her sins, a Rabbi can call them sins.
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Offline muman613

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #379 on: August 29, 2014, 02:42:17 AM »
I did not hear Rabbi Mizrachi on this. But being a rabbi does not entitle one to engage in Lashon Hara. Should he publicize every sin which people he knows, or hears about make? I am not sure what his rationale is.

According to my understanding there are only a few cases where lashon hara is permitted. I assume everyone reading is aware what lashon hara is, the speaking about a Jew in a derogatory manner before other people. From my memory I can say that it is permitted to speak lashon hara about a Jew in order to warn someone from marrying or going into a business deal which could be fraudulent. But I also heard it said that even in this case one should not reveal more than is necessary to avoid the marriage or deal. If a rabbi knows that a Jew is going to murder or harm another Jew then he is obligated to speak up and prevent the murder or harm.

On the topic of intermarriage, which is a very serious issue, I do not know if speaking publicly about it using the names of this couple is permitted or not. Sometimes I wonder whether Rabbi Mizrachi does speak without thinking when he knocks certain Jews for some beliefs, while he has beliefs which are knocked by others. I have seen rabbi encourage marrying Jews without having to call out those who have intermarried. This topic is very upsetting to me personally as most of my family has married out. I hold out hope that some will make teshuva at some point, like I have.

So I don't know the answer to this. I myself try to avoid speaking about 'people' rather I speak about 'ideas' and 'concepts'. This relates to one bit of wisdom my dad (may his spirit go up) which went... Dumb people talk about 'things', average people talk about 'people', and intelligent people talk about 'ideas' and 'concepts'.

And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #380 on: August 29, 2014, 02:48:48 AM »
Let me add that it is disgusting to me to think of a Jewish woman with a muslim, especially a religious one. In my understanding this is a chillul Hashem, and unless she realizes her mistake it will be a very difficult issue for her in the world to come (olam haba)... But in my heart I have hope that there is a Jewish soul inside her (if her mother was indeed Jewish) which may one day awaken from its foolish attraction. It is a hope which I personally need to have in order to avoid hating my family which, in some respects, I have had an influence on bringing some back to their Judaism.

And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #381 on: September 07, 2014, 12:20:44 AM »
It isn't lashon hara if you say she married a muslim because she said she married a muslim. Only if he said that he was Jewish would it then become lashon hara, and in this case, saying something would prevent a life risk to her, so it should also be allowed.
The fear of the L-rd is the beginning of knowledge

Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #382 on: September 17, 2014, 12:49:57 AM »
If I fight to be happy in a horrible torturous situation, will Hashem see that I can survive it and be happy to leave me in it? What can you do other than praying to Hashem that everything will suck less (tried, and I need another method)?
The fear of the L-rd is the beginning of knowledge

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #383 on: September 17, 2014, 02:12:57 AM »
If I fight to be happy in a horrible torturous situation, will Hashem see that I can survive it and be happy to leave me in it? What can you do other than praying to Hashem that everything will suck less (tried, and I need another method)?

Shalom LKZ,

Very difficult questions you bring me lately... I hope I can help.

Why are we faced with challenges? Why does it seem sometimes that we cannot overcome them? These questions have plagued us since the beginning, and I don't expect we will get easy answers.

According to my opinion I believe that life requires two things of us... First we must have faith in Hashem, that he will assist us, that he wants to best for us, and that we are capable of appreciating his influence in our world. Our prayers are always worth it, even if they are not always answered (or answered within the time we desire them to be). I know that life sometimes sucks and believe me some mornings I wake up feeling like dirt. And yet I try to feel appreciation, saying Modeh Ani in some manner or another. I wake up to the horror of driving 1hr15min to work each morning, a long and grueling drive I have been making for over ten years now, along with the worries about wear and tear on the car, crazy drivers, accidents and construction... It causes me a lot of stress. Indeed there are times I feel that all my prayers and all my observances do not help me in my struggle to live. I suspect this is the same feeling you have, and I gotta say it is the human condition.

Second I believe that action is required just like prayer. Praying alone is not going to change the world we live in. This is the world of action, and actively seeking to change our situation is required. I have to admit I also have problems in this area as I face the unknowns of the future. In the past my efforts have been successful (in the area of parnassa/livelihood) but my company is not as stable financially as it was five years ago, and many people have been laid off or left for better opportunities. I have been exploring my opportunities but even that is daunting considering I have not interviewed or applied to any job in over 11 years. The one interview I went on where they said technically I was a fit, but my culture was not (I supposed that meant my peyos and beard were not appreciated). Am I going to face antisemitism from prospective employers, and should I shave my peyos and beard (as my mother suggests) in order to get a better job?

My only suggestion is to do an accounting of the things in your life. This is the recommended time to do this, as we are only a week before Rosh Hashana. Be honest with yourself about which character traits help you in situations, and which traits are a detriment in certain situation. Try to be honest with yourself in your assessment, you don't have to share it with anyone, so long as it doesn't depress you to do this. Pick a bad trait and resolve to change it a little bit and find a good trait and think what you can do to strengthen it. Over time you will find that some of these traits are harder to restrain but keep on trying. I have some which have been on my list for many years without even making a small change in it. I don't want to share my own accounting as it is very personal...

I hope this helped a little, otherwise I can elaborate on this.

And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #384 on: September 17, 2014, 02:18:57 AM »
The concept of 'Cheshbon HaNefesh' or Accounting of the Soul is an integral part of the Rosh Hashana teshuva experience.

http://www.chabad.org/holidays/JewishNewYear/template_cdo/aid/971407/jewish/Soul-Accounting-in-5-Steps.htm
And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #385 on: September 17, 2014, 02:20:47 AM »
From the excellent Aish.com website @ http://www.aish.com/h/hh/gar/sa/Spiritual_Accounting_System.html

Spiritual Accounting System
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg
To be successful in business, you need a good accountant. The same principle for success applies in the game of life.

If you ask someone: Are you eating to live, or living to eat? Of course they'll tell you they're eating to live.

Now ask them: What are you living for? They won't always have a good answer, but at least you made them think about what they're doing in life. Unfortunately the majority of humanity is very busy doing and accomplishing, but they don't know for what.

Everyone has instances in life where something wakes them up and they're confronted by the question: "What has my life been all about up till now?" Momentarily they may be scared. But all too often, rather than trying to answer the question, the person escapes by turning on the TV or grabbing a newspaper.

A man I know in Jerusalem was accidentally shot, and as a result became a paraplegic. While lying in the hospital, he was faced with this question: "What is life all about? What am I living for?" Today he will tell you that God did him a great favor by paralyzing him; otherwise he may have gone through his entire life without ever asking this fundamental and crucial question.

Asking the Question

If the doctor told us we only had six months to live, we'd ask ourselves "What's life all about?" Think about it. Some day we'll only have six months to live, but then it may be too late to consider the question. So we have to start asking ourselves now.

We are very fortunate because through the Torah, God has told us what we're here for. Ultimately what we want in life is to love God. What we have to do is get in touch with this desire of our souls and then plan how to attain that love. We say this in the Shema twice daily (and it's written in the mezuzah): "To know that God is One, and to love Him with everything we have."

Use your mind to clarify if this is what you really want. If it is, then ask, "What am I doing to attain it?"

This is the process a Jew goes through on Rosh Hashana: "What am I living for?" and "What am I doing to attain it?" If we do this we're guaranteed greatness.

The biggest individual fence against wasting your life is Cheshbon Hanefesh ― Spiritual Accounting. You need a regular system to evaluate how well you performed and take stock of where you stand.

Every night before going to bed, look back at that day’s events, and evaluate where you profited or lost. Then make a plan so the next day will be more productive.

Ask yourself:

* What have I accomplished today?
* Did I accomplish what I intended?
* How am I going to improve for tomorrow?
* What are my strengths and weaknesses?
* What's my profit? What's my loss?
* How far have I come in my long-term goals?
* What's holding me back from growing?

Read over your list of mistakes and remind yourself, “This is the enemy.” It might be laziness, or envy, or bad temper. Track down your own Achilles heel, and concentrate on that. If you review your list daily, and get angry at your own stupidities, then that anger will give you the power to make changes.

Annual Review

On Rosh Hashana, we make a cheshbon covering the previous year. Figure out what you did right and what you did wrong ― and then make a plan to correct those mistakes.

On the other hand, our day-to-day actions need to be reviewed constantly. All the little steps are critically important. We can't just dream and fantasize about our goals and forget to do the steps to accomplish them, or we'll never get there. Great people started at the bottom too, and worked their way up. Without cheshbon we're lost. We have to keep track of our time management and constantly juggle our priorities. If we do this consistently ― e.g. every night ― then we'll be great!

We have to take responsibility for our lives because no one else will do it for us. We are all created in God's image and have the potential for greatness. The most important thing is to ask ourselves and clarify "What am I living for?"

In his classic book of Jewish ethics, "The Path of the Just," Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato says: "The foundation of good action and the root of true service of God is for a person to know his goal in this world." This is our motto in Judaism. If a person has clarity on where he's going in life, he'll get there. Otherwise he'll just remain in a state of confusion all his life. This is the common denominator of "free will" available to every human being. Figure out what you're living for and you're guaranteed to be great.

The shofar blasts like an alarm clock. We can either wake up and ask the right questions, or sleep our lives away. The Almighty wants us to wake up and live.
And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

Offline muman613

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #386 on: September 17, 2014, 02:46:54 PM »
Shalom LKZ,

I read your message this morning and wanted to tell you that I am thinking about your situation. I will reply with more information after I get home from work this evening.
And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #387 on: September 17, 2014, 04:00:09 PM »
Shalom LKZ,

I read your message this morning and wanted to tell you that I am thinking about your situation. I will reply with more information after I get home from work this evening.


Never mind. I did think about my life situation, and I know what I need to do. I organized my school and my life around work that I kept doing for next to no pay because I can help people and improve the world. It's obvious now that I'm nothing but a pathetic dreamer. I'm quitting my job and school and doing a program where they pay you to become a welder, and then I'm moving to deep in the north to work at a diamond mine, and that way I can make a little money, and maybe when I'm 40 I can open a health food store, or just retire. I'm sick of sacrificing myself for others who don't want anything to do with me. The last 2 options were 2 Jewish guys that could have made millions with the slightest effort, one has taken 6 months to get me 2 minutes of details from engineers in a gold mine, and the other gave me emails of people for me to cold call, and didn't bother talking to any of them. No one's going to help me, and none of my dreams will ever be more, and if I don't live by that, I'm going to be on the streets in a year.

It's like a cruel joke now, but I always put an extra effort into my interest in politics because I thought I would be a Canadian politician. Since I'm obviously not going to be in the knesset, and even saying Canadian politician is pathetic if it's in a sentence in my name, I need to give up working towards that and all my other impossible dreams. You know I've been fighting for more than 2 years to get a bris? Over 100 calls, 10 doctor's visits and a few tests, pants down over 5 times, and it still seems as unlikely as the first day, and G-d forbid anyone should ever return one of the messages I left. Everyone tells me how much they like talking with me me and will call me after the rare shabbat dinners I have out, and then never contact me or invite me again, and usually don't respond to messages I send after. I can't even fit into goyish communities, and I'm deluding myself that I'll be anything as a Jew, and it's a fantasy that I'll ever get integrated enough to find a Jewish wife. I'm going to have a job and live a crappy life and die like everyone else, and at least it'll be less torture than having to pray a thousand times a day and get nothing, other than hope, which has always only ever made the inevitable crappy situation hurt more when it gets crushed.
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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #388 on: September 17, 2014, 04:27:26 PM »
LKZ,

I cannot explain why people act like this and it is disappointing to me that you are unable to get the respect that every Jew should be given. I feel that you have a Jewish neshama just from our chatting and on the forum. I do care about your condition and although I am very busy with my own problems I try so hard to be able to support others, yourself included, because we only have each other. We need a support system in order to feel good about ourselves and our world. Without friends and support we are left alone in a world which seems to work against us.

I don't know what goals and aspirations of yours are attainable and which are just dreams. We must asses our abilities and realistically set the goals of our life. I may find it hard to relate because I was blessed with knowing early in my life what I 'wanted to be' (which is a software engineer).

Please do not give up on Hashem, on the Jewish ideal of making the world a better place, of making ourselves the best we can be. I believe you have run into a phenomenon known as 'Baal Teshuva burn-out' which happens when someone returns to Judaism and tries to take on everything at once, and becomes overwhelmed with the mitzvot and feels unable to keep up with all the minutiae. I have felt this, and my unprofessional opinion is that your personal happiness is of paramount concern. If keeping commandments does not make you happy you must figure out how you can be happy with them, or back off some and keep others.

I do not recommend turning your back on Torah and Mitzvot. I hope they stay with you whatever you decide to do with your life. I know that there is a spark deep inside me that no matter how dismal the world may be, how badly I feel the world is treating me, how my family is decimated by assimilation and question the future of the Jewish people, no matter what I have a spark inside me that knows it will be OK when it is all over.

I know that even when I feel down, a sunny day or a funny word can turn my mood around, and a warm fuzzy feeling in my soul explodes. I believe my mother instilled in me this ability to feel content even in the most difficult of conditions. I hope that you can find the spark of happiness in your soul which you can draw upon when you feel depressed from lifes bad experiences.

I hope you find a career which can provide you with everything you need. I am unable to help you in that area. I am a computer expert and that is all, I don't deviate from this path as it has been what has brought in the parnassa for me since I was 17 years old...

Let us find time to chat again, hopefully with more time...
And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #389 on: September 18, 2014, 02:13:02 AM »
LKZ,

I spoke with my Rabbi this evening and would like to expound on some things he told me... I will save it to post tomorrow evening.
And you shall call out and say before the Lord, your God, "An Aramean [sought to] destroy my forefather, and he went down to Egypt and sojourned there with a small number of people, and there, he became a great, mighty, and numerous nation.
Devarim/Ki Tavo 26:5

Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Ask MUMAN613! almost live!
« Reply #390 on: September 30, 2014, 11:27:12 AM »
I figured it out over Rosh. King David, whose words I keep connecting with on a deep level, said "my heart would have failed me if I did not believe that I would receive my reward in the land of the living. Let your heart be valiant and hope in the L-rd." That says everything to me, and I'm going to do my best to keep it up.
The fear of the L-rd is the beginning of knowledge