"Answer: If they grew up observant and rejected Judaism, they may not be counted. However, if they were raised without a proper Jewish education but they believe in Hashem, then they are considered a tinok sh'nishba, a child who was kidnapped and raised by non-Jews, and may in cases of necessity be counted, although it is preferable not to."
Personally I don't think this is a good answer. The only thing I can agree with is that if they reject the Minyan, they are not part of it. Nobody is perfect though. I wouldn't say that parents are non-Jews just because they fail to properly educate their children.
how is your personal opinion/preference relevant to whatever the facts are?
(rhetorical question. They aren't relevant)
Another question becomes what if you have ten people present and Hashem really wants there to be a minyan. Because people are stuck up, his mitzvot to have the minyan are not followed.
With sentences like that, it's crazy that people take the burden of responding. It looks like you're talking to yourself, having a really stupid conversation. And you've just presented a snip of it because you thought the world would benefit.
Muman thought you meant that you think being shomer shabbat is stuck up.
I can see that's not what you meant. You probably meant that it's stuck up to do what that "Answer:" said.
There is actually an important issue, and an interesting thing here, aside from your thoughts.
The fact is that Halacha is what it is.It's not done for personal preferences.
So if a strictly kosher keeping (particularly a baal teshuva) person doesn't eat at somebody elses' e.g. stranger or in the case of a baal teshuva, often his friend or parents home. Then it's not because he is stuck up. It's not his personal preferences. But jewish law is what it is.
The other person might be offended, and complain that the religious person is "Holier than thou". And that that "they"(the normals, the less religious) are now not jewish enough for them(the now frummers). "We are not kosher enough for you?"
note- I have heard stories. In the kosher case, even if the baal teshuva accepts the invitation and eats but brings in paper plates, plastic or his own cutlery and his own food. It can be considered as an insult by the host.
Really, if they complain, it's the host that is not accomodating the baal teshuva. The BT has accepted to sit with them and eat at the table with them.
The interesting thing is that goyim are more respectful about this than half religious jews are!