Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand.
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
Q: Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
A: Emily Dick in son.
Home Alone
Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?
A: He's like the little boy he never had.
Q: How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
A: It was just a slip of the tongue.
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!
Q: What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
A: Throw me the bouy!!
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels in his driveway.
Q: How does Michael like to party?
A: He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
Q: What's Michael's favorite snack?
A: Slim Jims.
Q: What's Michael's favorite fast food?
A: Big Boys.
Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?
A: Creamed shrimp.
Q: Did you hear Michael Jackson is moving to PA... Guess which town?
A: Dubois.
Q: Why is Michael so tough?
A: He can lick any kid on the block.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
A: He was up to two packs a day.
Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno."
"Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on."
Q: What do Michael Jackson and PS2 have in common?
A: Little boys turn them on.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and zits have in common?
A: They both wait till your 12 to come on your face!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in common?
A: They both come in small tots.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?
A: They both come in tots.
Q: What does Michael hand round after dinner?
A: The under Eights.
Q: What does Michael Jackson give his guests after dinner?
A: Instead of after eight mints, he gives them under eight children.
Q: What's black and white and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
A: It comes in a little can.
It's only a Michael Jackson DOLL, mother!!!
Q: Have you seen the new Michael Jackson candy bar?
A: It's white chocolate with no nuts.... (but kids like it)
Q: What's sex like for Michael?
A: Like candy from a baby.
Q: What is the worst thing about making love to Michael Jackson?
A: When the crib breaks.
Q: How do you find out Michael Jackson's sperm count?
A: Look it up in Webster's.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson opening a sperm bank?
A: He always has a shitload of semen.
Q: How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?
A: He's got children out the ass.
I'm still a virgin and I'm fore-tee-three, not even Madonna will have sex with me... Hee hee hee!!
I'm still a virgin, and I'm fore-tee-fore, not even Madonna will nok on my door... hee hee hee!!
Q: What did Michael Jackson say after he was interrupted during sex?
A: "[censored] happens!"
Q: Why does Michael Jackson scream?
A: Because it hurts.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson scream when he touches his nuts?
A: He's sore from the kids last night,
Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, ok, can we get Aladin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video.
Michael said to Debbie one night, "I fancy some entertainment, what shall we do?"
To which Debbie replied "I know we'll get a video."
Michael then said "Great, I'll get Aladdin."
Debbie said speedily "No Michael, You have been in trouble for that before."
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. -- you know in a few years they'll probably change his name to:
"The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson's Baby".
IT'S A PLAN
LONDON (Reuter) -- Pop superstar Michael Jackson proudly showed off his infant son, Prince, in a photo exclusive and interview published by a British magazine Tuesday, declaring, "I want my son to live a normal life."
Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?
On November 19, 2002, Michael Jackson was photographed displaying 9 month old Prince Michael II to a throng of 200 fans by dangling him over the fourth floor balcony of the Adlon Hotel in Berlin. Prince Michael II had a white towel wrapped around his head. Perhaps Prince Michael II was recovering from plastic surgery because Michael thought that he looked too human.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A: Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.
Michael Jackson has been spotted dangling children from a balcony again.
It makes a change because he usually tosses them off!!!
So Michael Jackson held his kid out above a crowd from the fire escape....
"What was he trying to do?!" "One-up Eric Clapton."
We recently heard Michael Jackson screaming: "Beat it, Beat it!"
Michael Jackson should have taken his own advise and just "beat it beat it beat it beat it", and he wouldn't be in the trouble that he is today.
Michael decided to have a boy of his own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 Million a pop.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.
Q: How will Michael pay off his old boyfriends?
A: Liquefy some assets.
Q: Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?
A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.
Q: Why does Michael like children so much?
A: He knows how they feel.
Q: How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.
Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He's holding his own.
Q: How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
A: They're all standing behind him.
Q: What psychological problem does Michael still suffer from?
A: Anal retention.
Q: How is Michael now?
A: Feeling a little crotchety.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?
A: He likes to come in a little behind.
Have you heard that Michael Jackson was spotted in the River Thames in London recently. At 1st it was thought that it was a suicide attempt but it was realized that he was just clinging onto a small buoy.
Michael Jackson was on his multi-million yacht off the Keys. It went down. The Coast Guard went looking; the Marines went looking; in the end it was OK though -- they found him bobbing up and down on a buoy.
Michael Jackson is opening a new Stations casino in Vegas...
...It will be called MolleStation.
Q: What was the big break in the Michael Jackson molestation case?
A: A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found
... a white glove.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson wear a glove?
A: So he won't leave fingerprints on the kids.
Q: What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson wear a pair of boys' underwear on his arm?
A: It's a patch -- He's trying to quit.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!.
Michael Jackson canceled a world tour on November 12, 1993, citing a dependence on pain killers.
Singer Michael Jackson abandoned his Dangerous world tour in 1994 after he became addicted to prescription painkillers, which he started taking after scalp surgery -- his hair had caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial.
http://www.solpadeinehelp.org.uk/realmag.phpThe publishers of "Where's Waldo?" have jumped on the Multi-media bandwagon. This week they will be releasing a CD-ROM called "Where's Michael?" which features elusive pop star Michael Jackson. Users of the CD-ROM search through a virtual world of exclusive resorts and drug-rehab centers for Mr. Jackson, who will be obscured by hordes of bodyguards and lawyers. The only users who will be able to find Michael will be little boys, who will then be encouraged by a 3-D Jackson to find his Waldo.
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 boy scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink.
The captain announced "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!"
Michael asked, "What about the children?"
The captain replied, "F*ck the children!"
Michael looked around eagerly and asked "Do we have time?"
Cliff Richard, Sid Vicious, and Michael Jackson were in a plane when it suddenly crashed on a cliff.
Richard shouted out "Save the children!"
Sid Vicious said "Screw them!"
Michael Jackson asked have "We got that long?"
A little eight year old boy is distraught because his parents have just been killed in a horrible car accident. He had no other family, so he is now an orphan, doomed to a life on the streets. He's sitting in the gutter in the pouring rain, sobbing his little heart out, with no money and no hope, cold and freezing and soaking wet.
Suddenly, a stretch limousine pulls up and out steps Michael Jackson.
"Hey, what's up little fella?" says a kindly Jackson. The little orphan boy tells Jackson his tragic story.
A look of pity on Jackson's face, he pats the little boy on the head and then drops his trousers and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
Q: How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A: Boys 'R Us.
The date for Michael Jackson's trial has been set.
His name is Aaron and he's 8 years old.
Q: What does Michael call an orgy?
A: A fruit salad.
Q: What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A: It's the little boy inside him.
Q: Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
A: Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
Q: What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
A: Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
Allstate Agent to me: "Are you in good hands?"
My reply: "Yes I am, as long as they are not Michael Jackson's." (Thanks to RangerJim93)
Q: Who was the unmanned recon airplane the Predator named for?
A: Michael Jackson. (Thanks to RangerJim93)
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: What's "black-white" and purple?
A: Michael Jackson's dick after a slumber party with a bunch of 6 year olds.
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite game to play at night?
A: Hide the pickle in the pajamas.
Q: What child's game does Michael NOT allow to be played at his Neverland ranch?
A: Got your nose! Put it back!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
A: They both come on crackers.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
A: They both like a little crack now and then.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson Check into the Betty Ford clinic?
A: To get over his 11 year crack habit.
Q: Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
A: He's a crack addict.
Q: What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A: You know, I feel like a new boy!
Q: What did Michael Jackson exclaim when he say he returned from the health spa?
A: I feel like a new boy.
Q: Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore?
A: He's tired of all the cracks.
MICHAEL JACKSON'S BABY
I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson had a baby boy last week?
Yup, it's true ... and the week before that he had a 12 year old boy.
Michael Jackson had a boy. He also became a father!
He asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
Rumor has it that Michael Jackson's baby was conceived through artificial insemination. Pee Wee Herman was best man at the wedding. Coincidence? I think not.
Q: What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?
A: It's all very tongue in cheek.
Q: What's sex like for Michael?
A: Child's Play.
Q: What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
A: Well, one's an artificial piece of trash that can harm little children,
and the other is used to hold groceries.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A: A fridge doesn't toot after you take your meat out of it!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?
A: A microwave won't brown your meat!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost?
A: One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is a supernatural being.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a chicken?
A: One says "[censored]'ll-doodl-do" and the other says "Any-little-boy's-[censored]'ll-do".
Q: What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A: Michael's been able to have kids.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Nixon?
A: One was a consummate [censored], the other a consummated [censored].
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing".
Q: What is the title of Michael Jackson's next book?
Topic: Michael Jackson Jokes (Read 1401 times)