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- A Politically Correct Fairy Tale

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Serbian Canadian:
Boyana, this is pretty funny stuff.

Boyana:
Spunk Library

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Politically Correct Three Little Pigs
Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous to the area they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense.

When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantation.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkelling and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone. {My note: well it is a fairy tale after all.}

Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.

Boyana:



Politically Incorrect Dictionary.
The words listed here are words that are no longer usable, or whose meanings have been altered to make them difficult to use. These were all words which could be freely used at some point in US history, but which modern culture is attempting to stamp out.



Broken Home - Replaced by Dysfunctional family.

Bum - Replaced by Homeless Person.Calling a person a "Bum" implies that the person is a moocher that is too lazy to get a job. Referring to him as a "Homeless Person" removes this stigma, and implies that he would be a perfectly normal citizen if only the government would give him a house. (See :State-Socialism)

Crazy - Replaced by the term Mental Illness. And, since it is an illness, it may be treated in the same manner as other diseases - with drugs. Of course, this idea is nothing new ... people have been using drugs to treat depression for centuries.

Criminal - Replaced by behaviorally challenged. This is one change that makes sense. A lot of the people in prisons today are not really "criminals" in the classic sense. Thanks to the "War on Drugs", there are a lot of people in jail because they failed to "behave" properly.

Eastern (As when used when discussing Asian Culture) - Too Eurocentric. Instead, use Africa as your frame of reference. When discussing European culture you should now use the phase "Northern", and when discussing Asia use the phrase "North-Eastern". Now isn't that better?

Factory - Replaced by Plant. The word Factory is a place where mistreated laborers toil long hours to produce pollution that billows forth from gigantic smokestacks. The word Plant is preferred since it is more difficult for this term to carry a negative connotation since this term is also used to describe nature. Its counterpart noun describes plant life (Plants, as in flowers, shrubs, etc). And the Verb form, to plant, is the process of lovingly placing a seed in the ground so it may one day grow into a mighty oak. Who can complain about having a new plant in their backyard?

Failure - Replaced by Deferred Success.

Fairy - Homophobic. Replaced by Petite airborne humanoid which possesses magical powers. The term fairy should be avoided when discussing these mythical beings, regardless of how gay they may appear.

Fat - Replaced by Enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance. Of course, this is very difficult to say in one breath-- so people will find it easier to not say it at all. The term "fat" is simply too short and to direct. It all too clearly points out that the reason that an obese person's skin appears so swollen is because it is being buttressed by large amounts of... well... Fat.

Foreign Food - Replaced by Ethnic Cuisine. The word foreign is generally used when one wishes to refer to something that alien to ones own country -- something that is not normally found within the jurisdiction of your own particular political unit. But with the increasing power of multinational organizations (such as the U.N. and large corporations), nothing can be said to be truly 'foreign' anymore. In a world where you can find a McDonald's in Moscow, a Disneyland in Japan, or a single currency throughout Europe, the word 'Foreign' is losing its meaning.
The word 'ethnic' provides a more accurate way to refer to these cultural traits which are continually growing fainter as we move away from the world of the past, in which different areas of the world were actually unique.

Founding Fathers - Too Sexist. Instead, use the term The Founders. We wouldn't want to exclude all those great female leaders of 18th century America would we?

Garbage Man - Replaced by Sanitation Engineer – A Garbage Man picks up garbage. A Sanitation Engineer engineers it.

Ghetto - Replaced by Economically disadvantaged area. This term is used by politicians who believe money from the Government would solve their problems. (See : State-Socialism)

Girlfriend/Wife - Replaced by Unpaid sex worker

Handicapped - Replaced by Physically Challenged, or even worse, handicapable

Home-ec (Home Economics) - Replaced by Family and Consumer Sciences, and I'm really not sure why. These classes have been taught in school since the early 1900's after Ellen Swallow Richards, an old-time feminist and the first woman to graduate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, formed the American Home Economics Association in 1909. But I suppose that the reason for the change has something to do with the fact that Home-Ec is generally considered a 'girly' class, and is therefore sexist.

Housewife - Replaced by Domestic Engineer. This is to remove the necessity of marriage from the task of raising children.

Illegal Aliens – Replaced by Undocumented Immigrants. The phrase ‘Illegal Aliens’ implies that these people are a bunch of law-breaking creatures from outer space, while ‘Undocumented Immigrants’ suggests that they are good old-fashioned immigrants that simply have not gone through the hassle of being ‘documented’ yet.

Janitor - Replaced by Custodial Artist. No matter what you call it, this is a person who is paid to clean up [censored].

Jungle - Replaced by Rainforest. A Rainforest is a happy place where Disney characters dance and sing ... a jungle is a scary place with lions, tigers, malaria and natives that want to cut off your head and boil it for dinner... who in their right mind would want to save that!?!

Lumberjack - Replaced by Murderer.

Man’s Job and Woman’s Work - Replaced by Traditional Gender Role. These are basic practices that are followed in one form or another by most of the life forms on this planet, and have been part of human culture for thousands of years… and as with most other ‘traditions’, a lot of people believe that it is time for a change.

Midget - Replaced by Vertically Challenged.

Natural Disaster - replaced by Unnatural Event caused by man's destruction of the environment. Every hurricane, mudslide, and flood sould be blamed on Global Warming, even though these events have been occurring for millions of years. (I'm still waiting for somebody to blame the last Ice Age on the campfires of cavemen)

[censored] - Originally, A negro Slave. Has evolved to mean "A Trashy or devious Negro", but the word has still lost acceptance. (see : White Trash)

Psycho - Replaced by Pathologically High-Spirited

Secretary - Replaced by Administrative Assistant – The word Secretary comes from Latin and means ‘Confidential Officer’ – And for some unknown reason this is a bad thing.

Sex Change - Replaced by gender re-assignment.

Swamp - Replaced by Wetland. Swamps are full alligators, bugs, and disease. If anybody went around saying that we need to "save the swamps", people would think they were out of their friggin' mind!

Trailer Park - Replace by Mobile Home Community.

Ugly - Replaced by Visually Challenging.

White Trash - Losers of European descent. Term still in acceptance, although its counterpart term to describe trash of the negro race is being eliminated.

The One and Only Mo:

--- Quote from: Boyana on September 29, 2009, 01:15:42 AM ---


Politically Incorrect Dictionary.
The words listed here are words that are no longer usable, or whose meanings have been altered to make them difficult to use. These were all words which could be freely used at some point in US history, but which modern culture is attempting to stamp out.



Broken Home - Replaced by Dysfunctional family.

Bum - Replaced by Homeless Person.Calling a person a "Bum" implies that the person is a moocher that is too lazy to get a job. Referring to him as a "Homeless Person" removes this stigma, and implies that he would be a perfectly normal citizen if only the government would give him a house. (See :State-Socialism)

Crazy - Replaced by the term Mental Illness. And, since it is an illness, it may be treated in the same manner as other diseases - with drugs. Of course, this idea is nothing new ... people have been using drugs to treat depression for centuries.

Criminal - Replaced by behaviorally challenged. This is one change that makes sense. A lot of the people in prisons today are not really "criminals" in the classic sense. Thanks to the "War on Drugs", there are a lot of people in jail because they failed to "behave" properly.

Eastern (As when used when discussing Asian Culture) - Too Eurocentric. Instead, use Africa as your frame of reference. When discussing European culture you should now use the phase "Northern", and when discussing Asia use the phrase "North-Eastern". Now isn't that better?

Factory - Replaced by Plant. The word Factory is a place where mistreated laborers toil long hours to produce pollution that billows forth from gigantic smokestacks. The word Plant is preferred since it is more difficult for this term to carry a negative connotation since this term is also used to describe nature. Its counterpart noun describes plant life (Plants, as in flowers, shrubs, etc). And the Verb form, to plant, is the process of lovingly placing a seed in the ground so it may one day grow into a mighty oak. Who can complain about having a new plant in their backyard?

Failure - Replaced by Deferred Success.

Fairy - Homophobic. Replaced by Petite airborne humanoid which possesses magical powers. The term fairy should be avoided when discussing these mythical beings, regardless of how gay they may appear.

Fat - Replaced by Enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance. Of course, this is very difficult to say in one breath-- so people will find it easier to not say it at all. The term "fat" is simply too short and to direct. It all too clearly points out that the reason that an obese person's skin appears so swollen is because it is being buttressed by large amounts of... well... Fat.

Foreign Food - Replaced by Ethnic Cuisine. The word foreign is generally used when one wishes to refer to something that alien to ones own country -- something that is not normally found within the jurisdiction of your own particular political unit. But with the increasing power of multinational organizations (such as the U.N. and large corporations), nothing can be said to be truly 'foreign' anymore. In a world where you can find a McDonald's in Moscow, a Disneyland in Japan, or a single currency throughout Europe, the word 'Foreign' is losing its meaning.
The word 'ethnic' provides a more accurate way to refer to these cultural traits which are continually growing fainter as we move away from the world of the past, in which different areas of the world were actually unique.

Founding Fathers - Too Sexist. Instead, use the term The Founders. We wouldn't want to exclude all those great female leaders of 18th century America would we?

Garbage Man - Replaced by Sanitation Engineer – A Garbage Man picks up garbage. A Sanitation Engineer engineers it.

Ghetto - Replaced by Economically disadvantaged area. This term is used by politicians who believe money from the Government would solve their problems. (See : State-Socialism)

Girlfriend/Wife - Replaced by Unpaid sex worker

Handicapped - Replaced by Physically Challenged, or even worse, handicapable

Home-ec (Home Economics) - Replaced by Family and Consumer Sciences, and I'm really not sure why. These classes have been taught in school since the early 1900's after Ellen Swallow Richards, an old-time feminist and the first woman to graduate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, formed the American Home Economics Association in 1909. But I suppose that the reason for the change has something to do with the fact that Home-Ec is generally considered a 'girly' class, and is therefore sexist.

Housewife - Replaced by Domestic Engineer. This is to remove the necessity of marriage from the task of raising children.

Illegal Aliens – Replaced by Undocumented Immigrants. The phrase ‘Illegal Aliens’ implies that these people are a bunch of law-breaking creatures from outer space, while ‘Undocumented Immigrants’ suggests that they are good old-fashioned immigrants that simply have not gone through the hassle of being ‘documented’ yet.

Janitor - Replaced by Custodial Artist. No matter what you call it, this is a person who is paid to clean up drek.

Jungle - Replaced by Rainforest. A Rainforest is a happy place where Disney characters dance and sing ... a jungle is a scary place with lions, tigers, malaria and natives that want to cut off your head and boil it for dinner... who in their right mind would want to save that!?!

Lumberjack - Replaced by Murderer.

Man’s Job and Woman’s Work - Replaced by Traditional Gender Role. These are basic practices that are followed in one form or another by most of the life forms on this planet, and have been part of human culture for thousands of years… and as with most other ‘traditions’, a lot of people believe that it is time for a change.

Midget - Replaced by Vertically Challenged.

Natural Disaster - replaced by Unnatural Event caused by man's destruction of the environment. Every hurricane, mudslide, and flood sould be blamed on Global Warming, even though these events have been occurring for millions of years. (I'm still waiting for somebody to blame the last Ice Age on the campfires of cavemen)

schvartza - Originally, A negro Slave. Has evolved to mean "A Trashy or devious Negro", but the word has still lost acceptance. (see : White Trash)

Psycho - Replaced by Pathologically High-Spirited

Secretary - Replaced by Administrative Assistant – The word Secretary comes from Latin and means ‘Confidential Officer’ – And for some unknown reason this is a bad thing.

Sex Change - Replaced by gender re-assignment.

Swamp - Replaced by Wetland. Swamps are full alligators, bugs, and disease. If anybody went around saying that we need to "save the swamps", people would think they were out of their friggin' mind!

Trailer Park - Replace by Mobile Home Community.

Ugly - Replaced by Visually Challenging.

White Trash - Losers of European descent. Term still in acceptance, although its counterpart term to describe trash of the negro race is being eliminated.

--- End quote ---
:::D :::D :::D :::D

Boyana:
Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

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From the GCF Archives

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To all my Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;

PLUS

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform.

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

To all my Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

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