Albanian Jokes - Funny, but true

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Albanian Jokes

Q) What's the fastest thing in Kosovo?
A) An albanian with your TV.

Q) What's the second fastest thing in Kosovo?
A) His cousin with you VCR

Q) What do you call an albanian in a car?
A) A thief.
 
Q) What do you call two albanians on one bike?
A) Organized crime!

Q) How do u find the richest man in albania?
A) Roll a quarter down the street and see who picks it up.

Q) Why do albanian smell so bad?
A) So blind people can hate them too..

Q) Why do albanians drive with their windows up?
A) They think the smell is coming from outside.

Q) What do you call a bunch of albanian swimming?
A) Sewerage.

Q) Why is there always a bucket of drek at an albanian wedding?
A) To keep the flies away from the bride.

Q) What do you call an albanian in Church?
A) Holy drek.

Q) How long does it take for an albanian to go to the toilet?
A) Nine months (having a baby)

Q) What do you call an albanian who does well in a an IQ test?"
A) A cheat.
 
Q) What do you call a albanian with an IQ of 15?
A) Gifted.
 
Q) What do you call an albanian with a job?
A) A miracle.

Q) What do you do if you see an albanian drowning?
A) Throw him his wife and kids.

Q) How do you stop an albanian from drowning?
A) Take your foot off his head.

Q) What's the difference between an albanian and a bucket of drek?
A) The bucket.

Q) What do you call a pretty girl in Albania?
A) A tourist.
 
Q) Why do albanians cry during sex?
A) The Mace.

Q) How does an albanian woman fight terrorism?
A) She has an abortion.
 
Q) How do u circumcise a Albanian?
A) kick his mother in the mouth.

Q) How do u know if a girl from albania is a Virgin?
A) If she can run faster then her brothers.
 
Q) What do you call a albanian having sex?
A) Rape.

Q) What do you call an albanian with a goat under each arm?
A) a pimp

Q) What do you do if you see an albanian with half a head?
A) Stop laughing and reload.
 
Q) When is the only time you smile and wink at an albanian?
A) When you are looking through the scope of your rifle.

Q) What can a pizza do that a albanian can't?
A) Feed a family.

Q) Why don't albanians play hide and seek?
A) Because no one will look for them.

Q) What do you call a albanian with a wooden leg?
A) A waste of wood!

Q) How can you stop a albanian tank?
A) You shoot the soldier that is pushing it.

Q) Why is there a rubber-band shortage in albania?
A) They're saving it for their satellite launch.

Q) Why is there a crisis in the Albanian economy?
A) Their donkey died.
 
Q) What's the difference between a dead animal on the road and an albanian on the road?
A) You swerve to avoid the dead animal, but speed up for the albanian
 
Q) What do you do if you run over a albanian?
A) Reverse
 
An albanian girl comes home and says, "Daddy I'm pregnant!"
Her father replies, "Is is mine?"
 

Things you should never tell an Albanian!

1. What's Albania?
2. Where's Albania?
3. Is Albania in the Middle East?
4. Your music sounds Arab to me.
5. Stop talking in that funny language.
6. Aleksandr the Great wasn't Albanian.
7. "Mother Teresa...she was Serbian right?"
8. Hi, I'm Serbian!
9. Hi, I'm Serbian/Greek/Macedonia
10. Gypsies and Albanians look similar.
11. You guys are connected with Osama, right?
12. Kosovo shouldn't be an independent state.
13. I thought you guys were white people?
14. Your wife is also your first cousin?!
15. I saw your daughter with a Slav.
16. You wanna fight me because all the girls are coming on to me?
17. Stop drinking all my liquor, you've got kids to drive back home.
 

What would an Albanian do??

(a checklist)

Would an albanian...?

    * Have sex with a 9-year-old girl?
    * YES! The age of 9 is the legal age of consent in albania. But consent only applies to the male, of course!

    * Marry his daughter-in-law?
    * YES, and even his own daughter!

    * Have eleven wives? (at one time)
    * YES! (Probably all his cousins)

    * Enslave women and children?
    * YES! In albania its called a "Family"

    * Approve of prostitution?
    * YES, of course!  His wife and daughters have to make money also!

    * Recommend wife-beating?
    * YES! This is just another way to say "I love you" in albanian!

    * Encourage the rape of women in front of their husbands?
    * YES! But only if they are bad! Its in the Quran and Hadith (Abu Dawud: 2150)

    * Kill a woman?
    * YES! But only if she deserves it!

    * Beat children who dont pray?
    * YES!  And beat them even if they do!

    * Kill someone for insulting him?
    * YES, its called Blood feuds/Blood vengeance or Lek. Its a part of albanian culture.

    * Advocate suicide attacks?
    * YES! Dont all Muslims?

    * Lie?
    * Only when they open their mouth

    * Befriend Christians and Jews?
    * NO WAY! Are you nuts!!