Can I be honest without you guys thinking I am horrible...... I know abortion is wrong. However, I choose to ignore the issue and not think about it. My purposeful secular rationale (to make myself feel better, deep down this really isn't my true feeling) is that I can't do anything about it so why worry over it. By ignoring my true feelings I can be indifferent and know that the vast majority of those babies aborted would have grown up to be criminals, welfare recipients, and in short a total drain on society.
I am sharing my honest thoughts even though I know they are VERY bad.
Abortion ruins peoples lives in so many ways.
When I was a teenager my girlfriend became pregnant. Her mom wanted her to have an abortion, I wanted to do whatever my girlfriend thought was best. I was ashamed to tell my parents so I didn't. Looking back I know they would have been very supportive even though they wouldn't have liked the situation. My GFs mom lectured us saying if we have this baby it would ruin our life and that we would not be able to give him/her any kind of decent life. She said I wouldn't be able to go to college nor would my GF. Even though I and GF were opposed to the abortion we went along with it, we were taught that our parents knew best.... mine did, hers didn't. I can still remember so many things about that day she went through with it..... I remember an old creepy looking guy in the parking lot of the clinic, holding up a sign with bible verses on it protesting abortion. Our eyes met and I quickly looked away in shame, it was like he knew me personally and sent a message to my brain and conscience that has haunted me for over 20 years. This was my first GF and we had dated for years, we planned on getting married. She loved my family and they loved her, we were always together. They saw her as part of the family and would even do things with her when I was gone. They would buy her school clothes, my dad got her a car, etc. even though she protested and didn't want them to spend money on her (although her family was trashy, she had character and was a very decent girl). After the abortion we were like strangers and we finally broke up. My family was heartbroken, as well as my GF and I. Her mom kicked her out of her house (at 16) because her (mom) boyfriends all hit on her (my ex GF) and her mom was jealous. She eventually joined the Navy since she had nowhere else to go... my mom was devastated when she found out (after the fact) my exGF had been kicked out of her house, when she (my mom and dad) tried to find her she was already gone.
Now to the present.... I went through many serious relationships that would always end because I really didn't love anyone except my first GF. I went on to medical school and my exGF went to the Navy... she loved it because for the first time in her life had some sort of structured life. She became a nurse and worked on a carrier for 4 years, then went to Norfolk and worked in OB for 6 years.... she loves OB and does it to this day. After 14 years (many of which searching for her on and off) I searched and searched and finally found her. She had just got out of the Navy a few weeks prior and was in our home town. I called her and told her I was so sorry for what I did and didn't do and she acted calm but later said she was shaking so bad she almost dropped the phone. I aske3d if she would have lunch some time and she said maybe.... next day she called, we met, and instantly it was like the old days like things were before the abortion changed them. To get to the point, we were eventually married. We desperately wanted children but every time she would get pregnant the baby would abort after a couple of months. This is likely at least partially due to damage from the abortion. We eventually went to a fertility clinic and after a year or so the doctor there told us to stop for a while. E (my GF/wife) would get pregnant but abort after a couple of months.... it was devastating for her and she became more and more desperate and depressed. E began to tell me it was God's punishment for the abortion years ago. We had a perfectly healthy little girl but murdered it. We could have given her such a wonderful life. One day E told my mom what happened expecting her to be furious but she (mom) said she was so sorry and felt guilty thinking she must not have been loving enough since E was afraid to tell her. My mom said she thanked God that she has another grandchild that she will meet some day in heaven. My mom was very supportive and not judgemental.... even though it was wrong, we all make mistakes and all sin.
Today we are still married but the effects of the abortion are still very strong and evident. We have tried to adopt but something always goes wrong.... E still thinks God will not give us a child because of the abortion. My mom told her God doesn't hold a grudge, once you repent it is in the past as far as God is concerned even though there may be ramifications. Our marriage isn't that great and I think it is because E want children so bad and I don't know or am unable to do anything about it. I have even thought of going to another country and buying a child from someone who doesn't want it but I know that is wrong. The effects of abortion are many and they do not go away. Sorrow and shame, detrimental effects on marriage, even if we did have children we both would be constantly thinking about the little girl we disposed of. When we see children playing it is so bittersweet.... happy for them but sorrowful for ourselves. It is especially hard when our relatives are pregnant and have children, they are so happy and we have to hide the pain we have (deserved pain) but we have no hard feelings or jealousy and are happy for other people's joy..... still it is hard.
Sorry for such a long post and poor grammar, running through paragraphs, etc. I just typed what I was thinking.
After re-thinking, I change my mind on abortion... I guess it would be much better to focus on education and trying to teach others to be respectable instead of turning a blind eye to the real problem.
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