It's not jewish people really, it's just the way I am. Judaism places a strong emphasis on community. But I've always been sort of a lone wolf in the sense that I don't ask for much from people nor do I expect much from people.
Shabbat has become one of my most favorite things in life. On Saturday morning on the way to the synagogue I always try to walk through Rock Creek Park, taking in everything all the park is, in sort of a walking meditation. By the time I get there I see these guys around the bimah, the chazzan is leading the davening while everyone is there seems to be engaged in the whole spirit of things. "Yitgadal, v'Yitkadash shmay rabba.." This is when I really feel the "community". It's only times like during kiddush lunch or around the shabbat table when the enviroment is more intimate is when feel a little disconnected. Sometimes I feel like I have to justify why I'm there, as someone always has to ask "Why did you convert? I would imagine you have a hard enough time being BLACK." Sometimes I feel like saying "The only hard time I ever get is being put on the spot and being made to explain myself". I can't help but to wonder what's going throught this person's head.
You're not supposed to be reminded that you're a convert. Once you convert you're Ben Avraham (Son of Abraham) and a part of the eternal covenant.
I really hope that you have a reasonable time frame to make aliyah and learn Hebrew. If you go to Israel believe me you will not experience this nonsense.
Of course, people will make linguistic and cultural distinctions. "Oh, that's an American, that's an Ethiopian, that's a Morrocan..." Beyond that, you'll integrate well into Israeli society.
