JTF.ORG Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Binyamin Yisrael on August 01, 2013, 04:10:15 AM
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A-Rod Converts to Orthodox Judaism; Madonna Says “He’s Gone Too Far”
Hoping to please the Kaballah-studying superstar Madonna, divorcing Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez has converted to Orthodox Judaism and is studying Jewish law in an unnamed Brooklyn rabbinical school.
“He’s gone too far,” the despondent singer told reporters at a hastily assembled Manhattan news conference. “I just wanted him to get into the mystical side of Judaism. But he’s such a ‘swing for the fences’ kind of guy, he couldn’t hold back. He’s converting, and he’s going for ordination as an Orthodox rabbi.”
Rodriguez, on the disabled list for the first time in eight years, told the Yankees he suffered a “groin injury.” Madonna told reporters that the mysterious “groin injury” is actually a result of an aspect of his conversion to Judaism.
“He’s healing nicely,” she said. “The only problem is that now that he’s Orthodox, he’s won’t be alone with me in a confined space anymore. But that’s A-Rod for you. He never does anything by half.”
Madonna said that Rodriguez will no longer participate in games or team travel that take place on the Jewish Sabbath or during the High Holidays.
“Reggie Jackson was Mr. October,” Madonna said. “I guess A-Rod, or Adon ben Reuven, as he now calls himself, will be Mr. Tishrei [a reference to the Hebrew month that usually begins in early fall].”
Madonna told reporters that Rodriguez, whose rabbinical studies will be complete in the year 2010, expects her to comply with Jewish law and not perform concerts on Friday nights or Saturdays.
“Why couldn’t he have just been satisfied with our little Friday night dinners,” the singer asked plaintively, “a few bottles of Kaballah water, some blessings and meditation, and then some monkey-style sex? I mean, it was good enough for Jose Canseco, wasn’t it?”
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Sounds like it is from a tabloid
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I've converted many times on planet convartar.
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You seriously believe this stuff, Binyamin?
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Why didn't you include the source?
Sounds like its from the onion.
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You seriously believe this stuff, Binyamin?
Beat me to it. Was just going to say, do you actually believe this?
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as believable as this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-alex-rodriguez-has-asked-4-in-5-americans-f,33315/
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I doubt Arod will let a moyl go near him.
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I was disgusted when I went into the gas station this morning and Madono was on the radio... 'Like a virgin' echhhh...
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I was disgusted when I went into the gas station this morning and Madono was on the radio... 'Like a virgin' echhhh...
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/04/19/madonna-considering-da-vinci-code-religion-celeb-biggest-religion-issues/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/madonna-ditches-kabbalah-for-opus-dei-121813
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I think Mazonna should try out Islam, the religion of her boyfriend, and of her beloved shvartza.
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Adult circumcision is so painful. It takes months to recover and normal sexual function, forget it, at least half a year no pain. It really really hurts
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Adult circumcision is so painful. It takes months to recover and normal sexual function, forget it, at least half a year no pain. It really really hurts
Is this from experience? Aren't most Americans circumcised at birth?
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"25 Three days later the men who had been circumcised were still weak from pain. So Simeon and Levi, two of Dinah’s brothers, attacked with their swords and killed every man in town, 26 including Hamor and Shechem. Then they took Dinah and left. 27 Jacob’s other sons came and took everything they wanted. All this was done because of the horrible thing that had happened to their sister. 28 They took sheep, goats, donkeys, and everything else that was in the town or the fields.29 After taking everything of value from the houses, they dragged away the wives and children of their victims" :::D
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Is this from experience? Aren't most Americans circumcised at birth?
Indeed! It was totally horrible. There's a reason why it's done on infants, they dont have the nearly nearly nearly the same central nervous system involved in pain. When I used to see circumcisions or assist in them in the hospital,crying for like 3 minutes, given them a dab of sugar water and in five to ten minutes they're like a ok As an adult make, it's really so blanking unpleasant and forget sex, just forget it for months and months, everything hurts, clothing, underwear, etc