JTF.ORG Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Rational Jew on May 06, 2014, 01:28:34 AM
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I already brought up my family issue before, but I cannot stop. I am really ashamed of writing about it here but I'm seriously considering disowning my own family.
My mom keeps engaging in antisemitic rants once again, accusing Jewish people of destroying her marriage with my dad, going as far as accusing rabbis of corruption in general. She also claims that Jews murdered jesus because they were jealous. She even refuses to keep kashrut. I don't know what to do.
My brother is fanatically pro-Islam. He defends Islam all the time and attacks me for being "racist" against Muslims. He also believes 9-11, Boston bombings, an all the other major Islamic terrorist attacks were inside job committed by the government to blame "poor innocent Muslims" and wage war against them.
I'm sick of it!
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Is she Jewish???
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Is she Jewish???
Yes. We're Jewish.
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I hope you aren't trolling
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Well B"H you ended up conservative with your family being like that. Sorry I don't really understand the pathology behind Jewish antisemitism or how it could be cured.
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I hope you aren't trolling
Why would you think that?
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I am sorry, but it sounds surreal. If this is true, I would recommend you to separate yourself from the antisemitic filth, no matter who they are.
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Shalom,
It sounds like a very difficult situation.
My recommendation is to get away from these people if you can. Sounds like your mother has some issues which you should not have to deal with. It is true one must honor parents, but if they are speaking ill of Judaism they do not have to be honored (according to Jewish law)...
If your mother is suffering from some mental condition you must try to get her some help though. Sometimes people get older and lose their mental facility. Baruch Hashem my parents are fully mentally sharp...
Your brother is another case... You will do best for yourself to separate from them and hope that they do some teshuva before they pass away.
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You don't get to switch your family out for someone else. You only get one blood family.
I believe that you should be willing to interact with them, but if they begin behaving in that way, then let them know that you will not listen to statements like that.
For your part, trying to change their mind is probably futile. Set a good example for them. Try not to provoke the anti-Semitic or pro-Muslim rants in any way.
If you interact with them, interact with them on those things that you have common ground on, but if they begin to go off on these tangents let them know you have to leave the room/their house, etc.
It is possible to build friendships that can be like an alternative family but I don't think you want to cut off your natural family or you wouldn't be making this thread. You may not have to cut them off. Just don't interact with them when they are doing these things. They will learn that if they want quality contact with you, they will have to behave themselves in your presence.
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Rubystars,
For the most part I understand what you are saying. Family is very important in order to feel connection. Our families should be the closest things we have, as they say blood is thicker than water... But everyone I know has had very troubling issues with their parents. My ex-wife had issues which did not permit communication with her parents (or else it would hurt her). I don't want to get into the specifics, but it is because of this experience along with my own experience with my parents that i offered the advice i did.
People change over time and it is in my case that my father changed, I changed, and my mother changed... We all changed in different ways, but in the end I had a good relationship with my father till his death. My mother I call every week, and I even get along with my step-dad (who has cancer now) who I did not like when I was young.
We need to be surrounded by healthy thoughts, healthy acts, and connection to community... If hearing your family espousing such terrible ideas causes one to feel bad, it may be best to try to get out of the situation.
I could not stand hearing anyone, let alone my family, speak such terrible things...
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Rubystars,
For the most part I understand what you are saying. Family is very important in order to feel connection. Our families should be the closest things we have, as they say blood is thicker than water... But everyone I know has had very troubling issues with their parents. My ex-wife had issues which did not permit communication with her parents (or else it would hurt her). I don't want to get into the specifics, but it is because of this experience along with my own experience with my parents that i offered the advice i did.
Sometimes you do have to cut them off or keep them completely out of your life.
Sometimes you want to remain in contact, but need to do it on your own terms.
The original poster will know what's best in his particular situation.
Most of my family is deceased. Among those who remain two are getting elderly and one has serious problems that cause her to be rude sometimes and say hateful things. I try to keep a good relationship with all of them as much as I can.
Sometimes friends can be better than blood family.
However this person appears to want to have some kind of relationship with theirs but can't stand what they are saying. That's why he needs to determine how he is going to interact with them. If they can't behave, they can't have his presence.
People change over time and it is in my case that my father changed, I changed, and my mother changed... We all changed in different ways, but in the end I had a good relationship with my father till his death. My mother I call every week, and I even get along with my step-dad (who has cancer now) who I did not like when I was young.
It's always a good thing when people can change for the better, which is why I don't think burning all bridges is usually a good idea. Of course there are times when this may be necessary such as in cases of severe abuse.
We need to be surrounded by healthy thoughts, healthy acts, and connection to community... If hearing your family espousing such terrible ideas causes one to feel bad, it may be best to try to get out of the situation.
I could not stand hearing anyone, let alone my family, speak such terrible things...
I agree with you on that, which is why I recommended the original poster leave if his family starts up with that stuff around him.
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I loved my mother. As a loyal son, I stood by my mother when she was alledgedly being smeared by others (now I assume it's all lies) and was with her all this time. What did I get instead? An open antisemite who continuously smears Judaism and wants all Jews to die? I got backstabbed, humiliated, spitted on by my own family. My family is a disgrace, and it's my disgrace. I no longer feel sorry for my mom. After what I heard from her, maybe she deserved it.
There is no one in this wicked world to trust. Absolutely no one.
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You want her to change, improve yourself, debate whatever you can, and maybe one day she will change.
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I loved my mother. As a loyal son, I stood by my mother when she was alledgedly being smeared by others (now I assume it's all lies) and was with her all this time. What did I get instead? An open antisemite who continuously smears Judaism and wants all Jews to die? I got backstabbed, humiliated, spitted on by my own family. My family is a disgrace, and it's my disgrace. I no longer feel sorry for my mom. After what I heard from her, maybe she deserved it.
There is no one in this wicked world to trust. Absolutely no one.
You brother is an evil and treacherous swine. However, I am not clear on your mother. Your mother is entitled to her own opinion on Judaism - she may by an atheist, agnostic - that doesn't stop her from being your mom and loving you. Did she say she wants all Jews to die? Hard to believe! If she did, she is of the same ilk as your brother and brother Nathaniel Kapner. I hope this is not the case or she didn't mean it.
As a mother, she probably loves you. If you tell her that you are not, ever again, not once, going to put up with her disrespecting your beliefs in Ahavat Israel, she will probably won't hurt you again. If she does - she is a mental case, definitely doesn't love you and you better off but separating yourself from her. Perhaps in the land of Israel?
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You brother is an evil and treacherous swine. However, I am not clear on your mother. Your mother is entitled to her own opinion on Judaism - she may by an atheist, agnostic - that doesn't stop her from being your mom and loving you. Did she say she wants all Jews to die? Hard to believe! If she did, she is of the same ilk as your brother and brother Nathaniel Kapner. I hope this is not the case or she didn't mean it.
As a mother, she probably loves you. If you tell her that you are not, ever again, not once, going to put up with her disrespecting your beliefs in Ahavat Israel, she will probably won't hurt you again. If she does - she is a mental case, definitely doesn't love you and you better off but separating yourself from her. Perhaps in the land of Israel?
She doesn't specifically say that Jews must die, but she does say a lot of sick evil things. As I mentioned earlier, she refuses to keep kashrut and keeps buying salami. I might have misheard it, but she once said that bible sanctions rape or some other similar nonsense. When I tried to tell her to stop buying salami, she purposely started to eat it in front on me. She then started yelling at me claiming that kashrut is an invention by rabbis who did it to steal money from people. She went further by blaming Jews for destroying her family. Utter nonsense. When I told her she behaves like an antisemite, she said 'so what?!' And that she doesn't care. Today, she told me that religion is an opium and is immoral. I don't want to debate her anymore. She is a mental case. And yes, I am planning to relocate to Israel in order to escape this insanity. My mother hates Israel, btw, and said that Israel stole land from the Arabs. So none of them would ever fly there to search for me anyway.
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Your mother is a very ignorant woman. Concentrate on strengthening yourself. You have Hashem with you to help you, and you will be thankful you separated from the wicked things your mother says... If you are capable of supporting her at some time, you should because she is still your mother, but you don't have to put up with insults.
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I already brought up my family issue before, but I cannot stop. I am really ashamed of writing about it here but I'm seriously considering disowning my own family.
My mom keeps engaging in antisemitic rants once again, accusing Jewish people of destroying her marriage with my dad, going as far as accusing rabbis of corruption in general. She also claims that Jews murdered jesus because they were jealous. She even refuses to keep kashrut. I don't know what to do.
My brother is fanatically pro-Islam. He defends Islam all the time and attacks me for being "racist" against Muslims. He also believes 9-11, Boston bombings, an all the other major Islamic terrorist attacks were inside job committed by the government to blame "poor innocent Muslims" and wage war against them.
I'm sick of it!
I'm very sorry about the family situations you are dealing with.
Regarding your brother, do you think it can help change his mind, at least to some extent, if he heard and saw the words of Muslims that preach ' Death to America and Israel' , the ' Holocaust is a Myth', and ' convert to Islam or you will be killed' ?
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I'm very sorry about the family situations you are dealing with.
Regarding your brother, do you think it can help change his mind, at least to some extent, if he heard and saw the words of Muslims that preach ' Death to America and Israel' , the ' Holocaust is a Myth', and ' convert to Islam or you will be killed' ?
He heard all of that, and he believes it's a government conspiracy against Islam and that most Muslims are 'peaceful'. He actually claims that there is a large family (Rothchilds or Rockefellers) who controls everything the world does and that America is responsible for mideast conflict. He even says that islam preaches more morals than Judaism and that Jews should learn morals from Islam.
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If everything else fails, you start vehemently supporting their points and create an overload in their minds. Their nucleus thoughts will be flooded and submerged within the thoughts and data provided by you. Later or sooner, they are going to understand the futility of their own points and they may become straight or start opposing and hence supporting your views.
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He heard all of that, and he believes it's a government conspiracy against Islam and that most Muslims are 'peaceful'. He actually claims that there is a large family (Rothchilds or Rockefellers) who controls everything the world does and that America is responsible for mideast conflict. He even says that islam preaches more morals than Judaism and that Jews should learn morals from Islam.
If you feel comfort discussing this, how did your mother and brother get to the point that they have their opinions/ views that you mentioned in this thread?
One substantial positive out of all of this is that your opinions are vastly different. In the environment you have been in, it's a credit to you that you see that your mother and brother are wrong to the nth degree.
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You brother is an evil and treacherous swine. However, I am not clear on your mother. Your mother is entitled to her own opinion on Judaism - she may by an atheist, agnostic - that doesn't stop her from being your mom and loving you. Did she say she wants all Jews to die? Hard to believe! If she did, she is of the same ilk as your brother and brother Nathaniel Kapner. I hope this is not the case or she didn't mean it.
As a mother, she probably loves you. If you tell her that you are not, ever again, not once, going to put up with her disrespecting your beliefs in Ahavat Israel, she will probably won't hurt you again. If she does - she is a mental case, definitely doesn't love you and you better off but separating yourself from her. Perhaps in the land of Israel?
Ok, I got it! Israel issue aside (stealing land from ayrabs - what nonsense!), she sounds more like she is just ignorant and hurt more than she is evil. I don't think she is a bad person - she wants to live her live the way she wants and if I were you, I would extend her a lot of love and tolerance - you owe this to your mother. She lives in her house and makes up the rules. If you don't want to abide by them, then move out. You can live your life according to your beliefs, without trying to shoving them down your mother throat, that is inconsiderate. Notice how Chabad treats Jews who are not observant - with a lot of Ahavat Israel.
You should make up with your mother, stop discussing Judaism, Israel, show her a lot of love, treat her like a real son, and move out her house as soon as you can. This will eliminate mundane things that poison your relationship. I think you'd be happy in Israel, and you being happy there, may change your mother's outlook and improve the relationship. You brother, however, is an evil swine - that is my 2cents. Best of luck!
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I already brought up my family issue before, but I cannot stop. I am really ashamed of writing about it here but I'm seriously considering disowning my own family.
My mom keeps engaging in antisemitic rants once again, accusing Jewish people of destroying her marriage with my dad, going as far as accusing rabbis of corruption in general. She also claims that Jews murdered jesus because they were jealous. She even refuses to keep kashrut. I don't know what to do.
My brother is fanatically pro-Islam. He defends Islam all the time and attacks me for being "racist" against Muslims. He also believes 9-11, Boston bombings, an all the other major Islamic terrorist attacks were inside job committed by the government to blame "poor innocent Muslims" and wage war against them.
I'm sick of it!
Join my club. I thank my old man is not religious. He drinks, watches netflix every night, has a good time, likes a few rock songs, but he's still anti-Israel.
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Ok, I got it! Israel issue aside (stealing land from ayrabs - what nonsense!), she sounds more like she is just ignorant and hurt more than she is evil. I don't think she is a bad person - she wants to live her live the way she wants and if I were you, I would extend her a lot of love and tolerance - you owe this to your mother. She lives in her house and makes up the rules. If you don't want to abide by them, then move out. You can live your life according to your beliefs, without trying to shoving them down your mother throat, that is inconsiderate. Notice how Chabad treats Jews who are not observant - with a lot of Ahavat Israel.
You should make up with your mother, stop discussing Judaism, Israel, show her a lot of love, treat her like a real son, and move out her house as soon as you can. This will eliminate mundane things that poison your relationship. I think you'd be happy in Israel, and you being happy there, may change your mother's outlook and improve the relationship. You brother, however, is an evil swine - that is my 2cents. Best of luck!
You know what? I think you may be right. Even tough she's wrong, she's still my mother. I just hope her behavior towards her religion would change G-d willing.
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I already brought up my family issue before, but I cannot stop. I am really ashamed of writing about it here but I'm seriously considering disowning my own family.
My mom keeps engaging in antisemitic rants once again, accusing Jewish people of destroying her marriage with my dad, going as far as accusing rabbis of corruption in general. She also claims that Jews murdered jesus because they were jealous. She even refuses to keep kashrut. I don't know what to do.
My brother is fanatically pro-Islam. He defends Islam all the time and attacks me for being "racist" against Muslims. He also believes 9-11, Boston bombings, an all the other major Islamic terrorist attacks were inside job committed by the government to blame "poor innocent Muslims" and wage war against them.
I'm sick of it!
Is your father Non-Jewish (intermarriage)?
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Is your father Non-Jewish (intermarriage)?
Both of my parents are Jewish. None of them is observant though.
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Both of my parents are Jewish. None of them is observant though.
If you disown them you may drive them away further from Judaism.
Just love them as they are be a good example & they may do tshuva & even if not they won't be hostile.
So You will have made a kiddush Hashem.
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You know what? I think you may be right. Even tough she's wrong, she's still my mother. I just hope her behavior towards her religion would change G-d willing.
I hope you understand that nobody suggests you should force your mother to keep the commandments. It is her choice but she should not stand in the way of your keeping them. You should make sure your food is kept in a way it will not be mixed with the non-kosher food she keeps. I know about problems when people who keep kosher live with non kosher people (I had a boarder living in my house for five years and he was not Jewish).
I wish you good luck (Mazel Tov) that things will remain civil. You should keep Shabbat as best you can, light the candles, and avoid doing any of the forbidden work... You must keep the Jewish spark alive in your family...
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Both of my parents are Jewish. None of them is observant though.
I only have one parent to talk about, and not observant too. I share some Torah lectures though, and started slowly, and now she is interested and respects my choices. Doesn't hurt to try. I also printed out all the Rabbi Kahane parashiot on angelfire and she read that and other little printed dvarei Torah I get here and online.