Ask Newman

[Merkava]

Dear Newman,

If a man is born with three testicles, does that make him more of a man ?

From a common sense and a biological standpoint, no.

 

[Ari]

Any relation to Paul?

[OdKahaneChai]

Any relation to Paul?

A friend and I, a long time ago, developed a "stupid test."  You go up to someone, and ask them if they know who Paul Newman is.

 If they say, "Isn't he that actor?," and/or name a movie, they're decently smart.

If they've heard of him, but they don't know from where, they at least have some sort of a brain.

If they've never heard of him, they're pretty average.

And if they say, "Izint he dat guy on da McDonal's dressin'?," it's pretty self-explanatory.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Will Newmanland have its own flag? If so what will it be?

[newman]

Will Newmanland have its own flag? If so what will it be?

Two crossed assault rifles with a human middle finger flipping 'the bird' underneath.

[newman]

Dear Newman,
Does your "ask Newman" thread have any rules? IE, if someone asks you a question and you answer and ask another, would you absolutely require that the asker answer all of your questions no matter what?

That depends.

I am a tyrant and a despot and likely to make rules up as I go.

[newman]

Oh! LOL.
What's that word you use? piking? piked? I don't remember 
I've never heard of that word.

I try to Americanise my posts but sometimes an Aussie or Brit one gets through the net.

Piking out means 'whimp out' or 'back down' in that context.

There are some funny differences in our uses of English.

The funniest is the word 'fanny'. To americans it means butt. In Australia and Britain , 'fanny' is slang for vagina! There have been some hysterical moments when after a long and uncomfortable journey an American female tourist starts up at full volume about how sore her 'fanny' is.

[newman]

WOW! A few years ago there was an exercise program called the "Fanny Lifter"  It was on TV. LOL.

That couldn't be on TV here. Everyone would either cackle hysterically or blush.

[Sarah]

JTF has changed you a lot Newman. Do you see it in yourself?

[newman]

JTF has changed you a lot Newman. Do you see it in yourself?

Yes. I'm much better for being in it.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Oh! LOL.
What's that word you use? piking? piked? I don't remember 
I've never heard of that word.

I try to Americanise my posts but sometimes an Aussie or Brit one gets through the net.

Piking out means 'whimp out' or 'back down' in that context.

There are some funny differences in our uses of English.

The funniest is the word 'fanny'. To americans it means butt. In Australia and Britain , 'fanny' is slang for vagina! There have been some hysterical moments when after a long and uncomfortable journey an American female tourist starts up at full volume about how sore her 'fanny' is.

STTOOOOOPPP Don't be Americanized!

Quick slap on a cork hat, and your laughing gear around a cold one 

[newman]

Oh! LOL.
What's that word you use? piking? piked? I don't remember 
I've never heard of that word.

I try to Americanise my posts but sometimes an Aussie or Brit one gets through the net.

Piking out means 'whimp out' or 'back down' in that context.

There are some funny differences in our uses of English.

The funniest is the word 'fanny'. To americans it means butt. In Australia and Britain , 'fanny' is slang for vagina! There have been some hysterical moments when after a long and uncomfortable journey an American female tourist starts up at full volume about how sore her 'fanny' is.

STTOOOOOPPP Don't be Americanized!

Quick slap on a cork hat, and your laughing gear around a cold one 

It's OK. I take two widgety grubs and call the Doc in the morning.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Oh! LOL.
What's that word you use? piking? piked? I don't remember 
I've never heard of that word.

I try to Americanise my posts but sometimes an Aussie or Brit one gets through the net.

Piking out means 'whimp out' or 'back down' in that context.

There are some funny differences in our uses of English.

The funniest is the word 'fanny'. To americans it means butt. In Australia and Britain , 'fanny' is slang for vagina! There have been some hysterical moments when after a long and uncomfortable journey an American female tourist starts up at full volume about how sore her 'fanny' is.

STTOOOOOPPP Don't be Americanized!

Quick slap on a cork hat, and your laughing gear around a cold one 

It's OK. I take two widgety grubs and call the Doc in the morning.

Thank G-d for that, I thought I had to bring out Paul Hogan to slap some Aussie into you 

[Merkava]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

[newman]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

I'm a transport sub-contractor.

[Merkava]

Excellent.

I am actually planning to move to Aussie permanently. It will me myself, my wife Coleen and my 11 children. Can I subcontract you ? I can't pay you right away but I promise to give you 12% of my next album's royalties. What do you think?

[newman]

Excellent.

I am actually planning to move to Aussie permanently. It will me myself, my wife Coleen and my 11 children. Can I subcontract you ? I can't pay you right away but I promise to give you 12% of my next album's royalties. What do you think?

The cheapest way to transport a family of 13 is to steal the large cardboard box from a homeless person in Brixton, put a few air-holes in it, address it to Australia, climb in and close it up. Take lots of ziplock bags for poop & piddle unless you can hold on for a week or so.

[Boeregeneraal]

Excellent.

I am actually planning to move to Aussie permanently. It will me myself, my wife Coleen and my 11 children. Can I subcontract you ? I can't pay you right away but I promise to give you 12% of my next album's royalties. What do you think?

The cheapest way to transport a family of 13 is to steal the large cardboard box from a homeless person in Brixton, put a few air-holes in it, address it to Australia, climb in and close it up. Take lots of ziplock bags for poop & piddle unless you can hold on for a week or so.

what makes you think 13 !!! No, were talking about 15...11 kids and his 4 wifes...oh and him...so it's 16

[Sarah]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

I'm a transport sub-contractor.

I'm moving house, whats the best way to get all of our stuff to Morocco, quickly and assuringly? Seriously.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

I'm a transport sub-contractor.

I'm moving house, whats the best way to get all of our stuff to Morocco, quickly and assuringly? Seriously.

Are you moving to Morocco??? When?

[newman]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

I'm a transport sub-contractor.

I'm moving house, whats the best way to get all of our stuff to Morocco, quickly and assuringly? Seriously.

Not telling because I want you to stay in the UK where you'll be safe.

[Merkava]

cool....thanks !

Newman's advice is good !!!! 

[Merkava]

Dear Newman,

A wise rabbi I met online told me that watching pornography is bad. What about watching pornography made by jews and starring jewish porn stars? Is that forbidden or is porn of this nature considered kosher and therefore allowed ?

[OdKahaneChai]

Dear Newman,

A wise rabbi I met online told me that watching pornography is bad. What about watching pornography made by jews and starring jewish porn starts? Is that forbidden or is porn of this nature considered kosher and therefore allowed ?

Why would you be asking newman a halachic question?   It's obviously assur.

[Sarah]

Newman,

What do you do for a living?

I'm a transport sub-contractor.

I'm moving house, whats the best way to get all of our stuff to Morocco, quickly and assuringly? Seriously.

Not telling because I want you to stay in the UK where you'll be safe.

I'll rephrase my question. I'm moving to Spain, is it better to ship our stuff there, ask somebody to take it by van....or take it bit by bit on the aeroplane? There isn't much.