Is it a good idea to have sex ed?

[OdKahaneChai]

Re:  "...It is the most important thing!!!!! The Nidda law will be one of those things that will allow for a successful marriage!..."

True!

And, of all the laws that a Jewish man must observe, Nidda is the easiest in keeping strict observance.

Why?

Because after the wedding night, a Jewish man will be lucky if his Jewish wife ever lets him have sex again!                  

oh Hardee har har..

Listen..these very observant orthodox Jews....they might seem to be normal sweet and very conservative..but behind the scenes..it's a big time bobchikeewawa...why do you think they have so many kids!!!  They are so much in love they want to keep making more moishes...All the power to them!

  No their TV is broken 

You think we watch TV? 

[Kiwi]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

Where as I watch very little TV.

[OdKahaneChai]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

No.  Not on Television.  A lot of Charedim do not own a TV.  I do own one, but before last night (I acquiesced to my aunt and watched the last 20 seconds of the ball dropping), I don't think I'd watched in in maybe 4 months.

[Kiwi]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

No.  Not on Television.  A lot of Charedim do not own a TV.  I do own one, but before last night (I acquiesced to my aunt and watched the last 20 seconds of the ball dropping), I don't think I'd watched in in maybe 4 months.

What is this Ball dropping 

It kinda sounds rude 

[Dr. Dan]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

No.  Not on Television.  A lot of Charedim do not own a TV.  I do own one, but before last night (I acquiesced to my aunt and watched the last 20 seconds of the ball dropping), I don't think I'd watched in in maybe 4 months.

To each their own....I don't agree wtih people who do this, but fine...as long as rules like this are not imposed on me or my family..and certainly i wouldn't impose my rules on them.

[Kiwi]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

No.  Not on Television.  A lot of Charedim do not own a TV.  I do own one, but before last night (I acquiesced to my aunt and watched the last 20 seconds of the ball dropping), I don't think I'd watched in in maybe 4 months.

To each their own....I don't agree wtih people who do this, but fine...as long as rules like this are not imposed on me or my family..and certainly i wouldn't impose my rules on them.

Yeah because you would miss out on South park 

[Dr. Dan]

You think we watch TV? 

You watch Chaims show don't you? 

No.  Not on Television.  A lot of Charedim do not own a TV.  I do own one, but before last night (I acquiesced to my aunt and watched the last 20 seconds of the ball dropping), I don't think I'd watched in in maybe 4 months.

To each their own....I don't agree wtih people who do this, but fine...as long as rules like this are not imposed on me or my family..and certainly i wouldn't impose my rules on them.

Yeah because you would miss out on South park 

no i just download the shows from www.mrtwig.net

[Kiwi]

no i just download the shows from www.mrtwig.net

Oh Geez G-d! 

[Kiwi]

I like the TV in the bedroom 

[Kiwi]

I like the TV in the bedroom 

You won't when you are married.

Trust me I did when I was married, I get bored after the first 5 minutes.

[Kiwi]

I like the TV in the bedroom 

You won't when you are married.

Trust me I did when I was married, I get bored after the first 5 minutes.

You had a TV?

Yes I have five. And yes trust me other things get old quick, very repetitive you know. And TV gives you something to watch.

[JTFFan]

I like the TV in the bedroom 

  It's less of a distraction then

[Kiwi]

I like the TV in the bedroom 

  It's less of a distraction then

Yes exactly right 

[Dr. Dan]

Quote from: Dr. Dan on December 31, 2007, 04:17:32 PM
It maybe so...however i look at it another way.  It's like speeding in a 35 mph zone going 60 mph. Sometimes you get caught and pay a fine. And other times you never get caught.  Gd forbid you get into a car accident going that fast in the wrong place also. I liken sinning to this concept. If one acts immorally, even if it is a victimless crime, he/she might get caught and pay the consequences in his life or afterwards...or he may not get caught but might get hurt instead for acting immorally and making his/her life less fullfilling.  The Laws of Gd are not meant to make Gd happy or vengeful necessarily. On the other hand, it is for us for our betterment. If we act improperly, it hurts us, not Gd as much.


So, in the temporary, short-lived 'Olam haZe, you settle for the best possible, but for the eternal and blissful 'Olam haBa, you settle for the lame stuff? Why aren't you consistent? If the above quote was your attitude for 'Olam haZe, I wouldn't complain, but I don't understand why you are settling for the best seat in the house in 'Olam haZe, but for 'Olam haBa you want the empty front row. Love Doctor, please explain this inconsistency.

Because I don't go through life worrying about the after life and world to come..I go through life living on thsi planet earth and first and formost taking care of myself and my family and fellow Jews around me. If i get a back row in the world to come, then I get a back row in the world to come. i'm living the hear and now as morally and as righteously as possible...but i will worry the most on how I treat others first.

[Dr. Dan]

Quote from: Dr. Dan on January 01, 2008, 06:58:51 PM
oh Hardee har har..

Listen..these very observant orthodox Jews....they might seem to be normal sweet and very conservative..but behind the scenes..it's a big time bobchikeewawa...why do you think they have so many kids!!!  They are so much in love they want to keep making more moishes...All the power to them!


    No their TV is broken 


The two are related. Why do so many married couples find it like halacha to put cable in their bedrooms? What's the point of it all? It's the DUMBEST move. Aside from marital relations, the bedroom is the time and place for a couple to connect after a long day and talk over issues of importance. A TV--especially cable TV--distracts and silences important communication. A cable TV in a family's house is bad enough, but if a family is going to have one TV, why not the living room instead of the bedroom? I just posted an article about this here: http://jtf.org/forum_english/index.php?topic=14248.0

Of course, this is not the only reason that couples with Torah lifestyles are better satisfied sexually. Other reasons have to do with the mandatory sex nights (I'm not kidding), Nidda laws, emphasis on family, and the halacha that a man must satisfy his wife sexually, both in quantity and quality.

Tv and cable is a distraction if one makes it a distraction. If someone is addicted to TV, then it only makes sense to not have it in the bedroom.  If a couple is not addicted to TV, then there is nothing wrong with having it in the bedroom.

What if a husband and wife enjoy reading before sleeping?  Then the book is just as distracting as the TV would be to another couple that watches TV all day.

Therefore, it isn't whether or not one has cable TV in their room which might distract them.  It goes for any couple to avoid putting things in their room that will distract them from sexual relations when they are supposed to be doing it.

[Dr. Dan]

It maybe so...however i look at it another way.  It's like speeding in a 35 mph zone going 60 mph. Sometimes you get caught and pay a fine. And other times you never get caught.  Gd forbid you get into a car accident going that fast in the wrong place also. I liken sinning to this concept. If one acts immorally, even if it is a victimless crime, he/she might get caught and pay the consequences in his life or afterwards...or he may not get caught but might get hurt instead for acting immorally and making his/her life less fullfilling.  The Laws of Gd are not meant to make Gd happy or vengeful necessarily. On the other hand, it is for us for our betterment. If we act improperly, it hurts us, not Gd as much.

Because I don't go through life worrying about the after life and world to come..I go through life living on thsi planet earth and first and formost taking care of myself and my family and fellow Jews around me. If i get a back row in the world to come, then I get a back row in the world to come. i'm living the hear and now as morally and as righteously as possible...but i will worry the most on how I treat others first.

Again, this is a foolish, inconsistent attitude. "I'm just hurting myself, therefore it's OK." If you don't care about the "afterlife", or if you don't want to spend your life "worrying" about it, then why are you putting on Tefillin? Why are you going to Yom Kippur services? When your parents pass away (G-d willing it should happen late), are you not going to say Qaddish for them for eleven months because you don't spend time worrying about the afterlife (this question is rhetorical)? The fact is whether you like it or not, you are thinking of it, otherwise you would conduct yourself a lot more differently.

Doing the mitsvot will make this world a better place, whether they are between man and his fellow or between man and G-d. You think the world is not affected by the aberot you and I do in "the privacy of our own home"? You think your family and fellow Jews are not affected?

Isn't enough just to be a good person?
Yes, for a goy.

Let me clarify...I don't live on this earth so that I can go to heaven...I do not live on this earth to wait for the Moshiach.. Yes i believe in it... But the importance in life is what you do in the here and now. And to live ethically and righteously..Why should I live like this?  It's not for a reward in the after life..it's because it is simply the RIGHT THING TO DO!!!  When one works for rewards, and sees the reward doesn't come, then he can just as easily give up on acting righteously and act selfishly which hurts everyone.  My point is, I do not do the things i do so I can get to heaven or usher in the moshiach faster...I do the things I do because it simply is the right and decent thing to do!

When I wear T'fillin, I feel closer to Gd and am in touch with myself. Therefore it helps me daily when I wear it when i wear it. I dont' wear tfillin for a reward in the after life.  When I got shul on Yom Kippur and think about the past year and cry when I think of somethign beautiful I don't do it so that i can get to heaven. I do it because I become a better person, Gd willing, when i self-reflect.  When I pray to Gd for my well being and any family member or friend, I pray for our well being and a prosperous life. I pray to be guided in the proper direction and to look away from doing evil deeds. It's not to go to Heaven.  I will let Gd decide what will be done with my soul when that time comes.

WHen a loved one passes away, Yes, I say Kaddish. I say Kaddish, as they say, to help elevate the soul to heaven. It is part of our tradition and I believe in it.

Don't we all love to eat candy?  BUt eating candy is bad for us!  So why eat it if it is bad for us? But eating candy is pleasurable. And in life you are supposed to experience some pleasure even if it might hurt you slightly or minisculey like driving 5 mph faster than the speed limit.  I'm not suggesting that we eat tons of candy everyday..but once in awhile it's ok..in moderation.

Therefore your rhetroical questions are very silly. I"m not cutting my veins and beating myself up hurting myself. I am not stealing, Gd forbid.. I'm not killing, Gd forbid.  I'm not comitting homosexuality, Gd forbid.  I'm doing the best that I can and first and foremost, I'm treating as many people as I can with kindness and with dignity.

YOu take what i say as if I have no faith. I have faith...I faith in everything...But i'm not going to rely on death while I am alive.  I want to live life properly. When I look at a woman, for example, I dont' want to look at her like she's a piece of meat as Judaism proclaims..I want to look at a woman with her soul at the same time. And I dont' do this so I can get to HEaven. I do this because it is 1000 times more fullfilling than the other way.  The Torah is a recipe book for LIVING the proper life...Not living FOR the after life....The afterlife is not for OUR religion..It's for the Muslims and maybe some Christians.  The Torah is the book of LIFE not the Book of afterlife..or Book of Moshiach... Get real!

[Dr. Dan]

Tv and cable is a distraction if one makes it a distraction. If someone is addicted to TV, then it only makes sense to not have it in the bedroom.  If a couple is not addicted to TV, then there is nothing wrong with having it in the bedroom.

What if a husband and wife enjoy reading before sleeping?  Then the book is just as distracting as the TV would be to another couple that watches TV all day.

Therefore, it isn't whether or not one has cable TV in their room which might distract them.  It goes for any couple to avoid putting things in their room that will distract them from sexual relations when they are supposed to be doing it.

It's not really a matter of being "addicted" to TV. And it is nice to watch a late night talk show and laugh with one's spouse once in a while, since it can add to the shalom bayith. So? Do it in the living room? I'm telling you I've seen it first hand, what a TV does to communication in the bedroom. And you cannot compare a book to a TV... you have to be joking. Please spare me having to elaborate on the differences between reading in bed verses being hypnotized by a stupid box. And even if the couple can talk intermittently while the TV is on, the attention is still focused on the TV.

It's sickening to hear over here that people are getting bored within the first 5 minutes of talking to their own spouse. Why all this reliance on technology to help your marriage? This is utter laziness. Jews knew how to make their marriages work for 3000+ years before the TV was invented, and they can certainly do without it now if they learn to use their brains instead of relying on brainless TV. A Jew cannot even touch his spouse for two weeks every month; does the marriage have to suffer because there is absolutely no physical affection during those times? Of course not.

Again, I am not disagreeing with you. I think this can hold true for certain couples, but not all of them.

I personally do not have a TV in my bedroom. I don't see the point in having one. But when I'm married, Gd willing, I will discuss it with my wife if we should place one in there.  THe TV is just as good on teh days off we have when we wake up in the morning and just want to cuddle in bed together..But that's just my opinion.  I think having board games and puzzle books and newspapers is great too...So to each their own.  You're right...the level of intellect between a husband and his wife shoudl be as described and if the TV is going to make them lazy to not talk to each other, then it is a better thing not to have it in the bedroom.  But only a husband and wife knows what's best for themselves...It is not for you and me to judge.

[Dr. Dan]

Let me clarify...I don't live on this earth so that I can go to heaven...I do not live on this earth to wait for the Moshiach.. Yes i believe in it... But the importance in life is what you do in the here and now. And to live ethically and righteously..Why should I live like this?  It's not for a reward in the after life..it's because it is simply the RIGHT THING TO DO!!!  When one works for rewards, and sees the reward doesn't come, then he can just as easily give up on acting righteously and act selfishly which hurts everyone.  My point is, I do not do the things i do so I can get to heaven or usher in the moshiach faster...I do the things I do because it simply is the right and decent thing to do!

When I wear T'fillin, I feel closer to Gd and am in touch with myself. Therefore it helps me daily when I wear it when i wear it. I dont' wear tfillin for a reward in the after life.  When I got shul on Yom Kippur and think about the past year and cry when I think of somethign beautiful I don't do it so that i can get to heaven. I do it because I become a better person, Gd willing, when i self-reflect.  When I pray to Gd for my well being and any family member or friend, I pray for our well being and a prosperous life. I pray to be guided in the proper direction and to look away from doing evil deeds. It's not to go to Heaven.  I will let Gd decide what will be done with my soul when that time comes.

WHen a loved one passes away, Yes, I say Kaddish. I say Kaddish, as they say, to help elevate the soul to heaven. It is part of our tradition and I believe in it.

Don't we all love to eat candy?  BUt eating candy is bad for us!  So why eat it if it is bad for us? But eating candy is pleasurable. And in life you are supposed to experience some pleasure even if it might hurt you slightly or minisculey like driving 5 mph faster than the speed limit.  I'm not suggesting that we eat tons of candy everyday..but once in awhile it's ok..in moderation.

Therefore your rhetroical questions are very silly. I"m not cutting my veins and beating myself up hurting myself. I am not stealing, Gd forbid.. I'm not killing, Gd forbid.  I'm not comitting homosexuality, Gd forbid.  I'm doing the best that I can and first and foremost, I'm treating as many people as I can with kindness and with dignity.

YOu take what i say as if I have no faith. I have faith...I faith in everything...But i'm not going to rely on death while I am alive.  I want to live life properly. When I look at a woman, for example, I dont' want to look at her like she's a piece of meat as Judaism proclaims..I want to look at a woman with her soul at the same time. And I dont' do this so I can get to HEaven. I do this because it is 1000 times more fullfilling than the other way.  The Torah is a recipe book for LIVING the proper life...Not living FOR the after life....The afterlife is not for OUR religion..It's for the Muslims and maybe some Christians.  The Torah is the book of LIFE not the Book of afterlife..or Book of Moshiach... Get real!


According to your philosophy, I'm afflicting myself when I put on Tefillin. Because I do not feel a single thing when I put on Tefillin, therefore I shouldn't bother? On the other hand, why am I putting it on? Because it is equivalent to the entire Torah. The King decreed and I listen; the Doctor gave medicine and I take it (you talk about candy, I talk about medicine). But again, you say Qaddish to because you give a damn about the afterlife. I don't know what you mean by "it's part of our tradition."


My philosophy doesn't claim you are afflicting yourself when you put on T'fillin.  And if you don't feel a single thing when you put it on it doesn't make you a bad person.  However, you DO feel something because it makes the rest of your day a little better. 

And yes, I do wonder about after life.  And it makes me feel better that there could be on which exists and that there could be a moshiach etc etc.  So when the proper time comes to say Kaddish I say Kaddish.  I'm not denying that Heaven exists or anything like that..I'm just saying we have to live in the here and now and think about rewards after we die...just do the right thing in this life.


Is that what you think about Jews? That they beat their chests all day saying "Oh woe is us!" Of course, the Hachamim tell us not to dwell on the subject of Mashiah and 'Olam haBa. I personally dislike any obsession with these matters, and can see the reasons why the Sages said not to dwell on the subject. Every mitsva should be done l'Shma. Exactly, the Torah was given For THIS world, NOT for 'Olam haBa! So you are squandering your opportunity to connect to G-d in THIS world for a little "candy"? Of course, the more you connect to G-d through the performance of the mitsvot, the less that "candy" is going to mean to you. What's your idea for living a "proper" and "ethical" life? Not to hurt others? Be a good person? Again, it's a wonderful start but NOT an end. A Jew has been given a higher mission; it's called "Torah," and includes its study.

No i do not think that Jews beat their chests are day long. I admire what observant Jews do and how they live. I respect them tremendously...and i respect all people who are especially righteous to one another. I am, by all means, not being critical about what they do.  I'm not arguing for people to live like me either. For me right now in this time, what is right for me is moderation in religion and secularism..It's not necessarily right or wrong..it's what's right for me right now..it may change one day..Not suggesting for others to follow my lead either.


You mentioned "homosexuality-G-d forbid". Why G-d forbid? Does consensual homosexuality done in the privacy of one's home hurt others? You place a G-d forbid on homosexuality but what about on taking your family to a taref restaurant? Does that also matter in your view of the world?

Most of these things are victimless crimes if kept quiet. That doesn't make it right.  Homosexuality is obviously wrong for so many reasons.  Eating treyf isn't so wrong, but should be avoided when possible.  You get sick when have homosexual relations.  And you can get sick for a very looong time when that happens.  Eating treyf might give you a belly ache...It's not good for you, but you don't suddenly become impure from eating it. 

Now, I'm not suggesting it's ok. I dont' personally eat treyf..nor does my family.  It isn't the worst sin...It's not like killing another human being. It is certainly better to eat what's kosher than not kosher. Now, this is only my opinion..It isn't a good opinion I know. I will not be lenient on myself on Treyf foods..but i'm not going to impose other Jews and what I mean by impose i mean FORCE other Jews to follow the rules the way I want them to..NEVER!! I would prefer to educate them...This is the proper thing to do in Galut.  In israel, certainly treyf should be banned...except pigs..Pigs shoudl be allowed to exist in Israel but that's only for the sake of keeping the Muzzies away.

And then you say that Judaism proclaims that the Jewish woman is just a "piece of meat". How dare you? Is that also what you think of the other mitsvot, like kashruth and Shabbat? NO mitzva can be trivialized. I understand if you are not ready to undertake some, but don't try justifying it by saying that you are only hurting yourself, or that it's more important to be a good person. 6-1-3, hallas.


NO!! I implied the opposite.  That Judaism does NOT proclaim this..you think I'm nuts!? Does that sound consistent with what i've been saying all along?! Unless it was a typo..oops...but NO NOT AT ALL!!! I'm basically saying that women shoudl NOT be looked as if they are a piece of meat..that they have a soul and that one shoudl love that soul and not think of her as a sex object...and yes, in marraige and in halakha the rules which are given to us on how we should with her is meant to elevate the nature of the relationship...it's a beautiful thing! 

[Kiwi]

It's sickening to hear over here that people are getting bored within the first 5 minutes of talking to their own spouse

I take it you are unmarried 

Little insight first year still honeymoon phrase, second year getting used to other habits, third year its a routine ......... tenth year pfft wished that you married the TV in some cases.

And theres alot of times just being together WITHOUT talking is far more pleasurable  than having to listen to them. Because theres is many times when you are so tired you don't want that.

[MassuhDGoodName]

skippy:  "...tenth year pfft wished that you married the TV in some cases..."

Skippy,
I have this theory that the happiest marriages would be those in which the husband and wife occupy separate bedrooms, and not be around each other constantly.
It seems to me that some of the happiest housewives I have known were those whose husbands were always away from home on business trips.
In your opinion, do you think this kind of arrangement might help keep the fires of passion burning and prevent marital "burnout"?

[Kiwi]

skippy:  "...tenth year pfft wished that you married the TV in some cases..."

Skippy,
I have this theory that the happiest marriages would be those in which the husband and wife occupy separate bedrooms, and not be around each other constantly.
It seems to me that some of the happiest housewives I have known were those whose husbands were always away from home on business trips.
In your opinion, do you think this kind of arrangement might help keep the fires of passion burning and prevent marital "burnout"?

Oh yes, some of my happest moments was when I was deployed or my husband was. Thats how we lasted 10 years.

Marriage,  now the younger you are the more naive and tolerant of your partner. And sex if high on the agenda.

Age plays a very important role in relationships.

When you are older you see things very different.

Sharing the bed. Yes its nice the comfort and closeness that it provides, but what about the breathing in ones face or *shudder* breathing down your neck. Cute for a while then ...........no.

Or its a heat wave and you are sweating melting into a pile of whatever and you have another heated body sweating all over you too. Sexy I think not.

Or when Its womens time, you don't want to be near people, you are unclean, not a time for closeness.

Or work shift you don't want to be in a room with people you need rest and quiet.

Or if you have a cold or they have, dribbling coughing, snorting over you, yes very romantic NOT!

Or what about the farting, stretching and snoring, being a blanket hog, coming over yourside of the bed.

Personal space!!!!!

Foreign concept to some people.

Separate beds yes at times or big huge king size bed.

Not being connected to each others hip 24 hours a day is a good thing.

Theres a saying "how can I miss you if you don't go away".

Time apart does allow a more passionate reunion, but not to long of a break tho.

Business is fine, but they go on trips just to get away, not fine.

To be away from your spouse you need complete trust, and couples that can't ever do this I wonder why? maybe no trust is there. 

When you are an adult you don't require 24 hour attention.

[Zvulun Ben Moshe]

Whoa hold up this is not what that was about. 

Its is about the Jewish marriage laws.

And how to remain with in the laws when married.

Not about single people and sex and porno's.

This is about preparing people for that part of their married lives.

Geezzz. 

Well it's good to follow the halakha when one is married..however, what the husband and wife do in the privacy of their home is not even Gd's business.

Resisting the temptation to grill you over what you just said, I have another question for the Love Doctor:

How much does it mean for you to keep the Nidda laws? Would you not mind ignoring this IMPORTANT practice in your own marraige?

It is the most important thing!!!!! The Nidda law will be one of those things that will allow for a successful marriage!

Actually the truth is, besides nidda, i don't know what is allowed or not allowed...I dont' want to get explicit on this forum, but it is a relgious question and it is about sex but not necessarily actual intercourse..so i'm being very oblique right now...are there other sexual acts between a consenting husband and wife which are not allowed and those which are permitted? 

It is also more important because you will go into spiritual excommunication for not keeping the Nidda laws. But yes, G-d's rules do add to a successful marriage.

As for your question on what can and cannot be done between a man and a women, first of all, yes, according to the ruling in the Shulhan Aruch, there are a few limitations, mostly having to do with foreplay (it is still practically mandatory for a man to engage in it with his wife). The minority opinion of the Rambam (in this particular matter) is a lot more lenient with what is permitted (and there are still some limitations that ALL agree on). Nevertheless, he stresses that a couple must conduct themselves with holiness and purity, and not engage in acts that will trivialize or frivol the important and extremely holy act of sex between a husband and wife.

I agree with this 100%!! 

now when i refer to the privacy of one's home...while it is important to keep the marraige holy and sex etc, still yet, whatever kinkiness, so to speak, that a husband and wife agree on, is between themselves only...

Dear Doctor, I think you simply don't know what your are talking about. With all due respect, if you read the laws, you will understand that it is not the "next level" that you can forego, but a bare minimum for a strong and pure relationship.

[Dr. Dan]

Whoa hold up this is not what that was about. 

Its is about the Jewish marriage laws.

And how to remain with in the laws when married.

Not about single people and sex and porno's.

This is about preparing people for that part of their married lives.

Geezzz. 

Well it's good to follow the halakha when one is married..however, what the husband and wife do in the privacy of their home is not even Gd's business.

Resisting the temptation to grill you over what you just said, I have another question for the Love Doctor:

How much does it mean for you to keep the Nidda laws? Would you not mind ignoring this IMPORTANT practice in your own marraige?

It is the most important thing!!!!! The Nidda law will be one of those things that will allow for a successful marriage!

Actually the truth is, besides nidda, i don't know what is allowed or not allowed...I dont' want to get explicit on this forum, but it is a relgious question and it is about sex but not necessarily actual intercourse..so i'm being very oblique right now...are there other sexual acts between a consenting husband and wife which are not allowed and those which are permitted? 

It is also more important because you will go into spiritual excommunication for not keeping the Nidda laws. But yes, G-d's rules do add to a successful marriage.

As for your question on what can and cannot be done between a man and a women, first of all, yes, according to the ruling in the Shulhan Aruch, there are a few limitations, mostly having to do with foreplay (it is still practically mandatory for a man to engage in it with his wife). The minority opinion of the Rambam (in this particular matter) is a lot more lenient with what is permitted (and there are still some limitations that ALL agree on). Nevertheless, he stresses that a couple must conduct themselves with holiness and purity, and not engage in acts that will trivialize or frivol the important and extremely holy act of sex between a husband and wife.

I agree with this 100%!! 

now when i refer to the privacy of one's home...while it is important to keep the marraige holy and sex etc, still yet, whatever kinkiness, so to speak, that a husband and wife agree on, is between themselves only...

Dear Doctor, I think you simply don't what your are talking about. With all due respect, if you read the laws, you will understand that it is not the "next level" that you can forego, but a bare minimum for a strong and pure relationship.

Well to each their own..I don't want another person telling me what me and wife are allowed to do in the privacy of our home.

[RationalThought110]

Trust me I did when I was married, I get bored after the first 5 minutes.

You're divorced?  How long were you married for?  Aren't you currently engaged or married?

[Kiwi]

Trust me I did when I was married, I get bored after the first 5 minutes.

You're divorced?  How long were you married for?  Aren't you currently engaged or married?

yes, 10 years and 3 years, and yes engaged at this point.