Very good try, Sarah and it is very close to the way in which many people pronounce Hebrew in conversation.
But just as there is a difference between the way that Americans speak English and the King's English, there is a difference between common Hebrew and Proper Hebrew as I have detailed it.
Here is another small clip. Have a listen.
myalfabet.wav - 7.35MBP.S.
The letters Bet, Gimmel, Dalet, Kaf, Peh, Shin, and Tav all have soft sounds, meaning if the letters has no dot in the middle it is pronounced differently.
I have made this audio showing the soft sounds as well as Sheen which if the dot is placed on the left it is pronounced Seen.