Opinions Required

[bob]

Hello guys,

I am having a problem in my relationship with my girlfriend, and really need your opinions on it. OK, here it is

We have religious disagreements. I would not say that they are big but suspect that they may become quite big in future. I am a secular Jew. I think I believe that there is God but I am a 100% non-observant Jew. She is a bit observant Jew. She tries to keep Kosher, read weekly Parasha, read a braha before embarking on a journey, do not drive on Shabbat etc.

We have been together for 3 years. Meanwhile she agrees to drive on Shabbat and I say Kiddush on Friday night etc. However, I think there is a growing unhappiness in both of us as she would like me to be as observant as she is and I would like her to be as secular as I am. And we know we cannot change this

Have you got some experience with couples like ours? I fear our relationship can end on the grounds of religious disagreements. Furthermore, I think our kids would not know whether to be like me or her.

And actually, we are engaged. So, we really do have to decide if we want to take our relationship forward or, well, end it. And I think, we are both not so sure what to do.

I appreciate any opinion.

Thanks in advance.
Bob

[Allen-T]

Hi Bob,
For whatever it may be worth to you, here is my christian perspective on your situation. When I met my wife I was an ex-Catholic confused hedonist. My wife was a born again christian. We became friends and I started to become interested in G-d. It was very apparent to me at the onset that my new interest in religion could easily be confused with my feelings for Elizabeth. With Liz's advice and my own common sense confirming, I found my own church and attended it alone. I made my own christian friends seperate from her. It helped me to figure out what I really believed in without romantic distractions. Now, that said, You and your fiance, in my opinion, based on the Bible, as interpreted by both christian and jew, should not marry if there is not 100% agreement about the things of G-d. The only hope any marriage has to succeed is with 1] absolute, willfull commitment through ALL trials and tribulations e.g. NO DIVORCE option and 2] a shared relationship with G-d as the glue that holds it all together. If you love this woman, go figure out ON YOUR OWN what you will do about a great magnificent G-d in heaven. If, after some time, you truly desire to get as close to G-d as possible, then proceed with marriage. If not, don't trip up her journey. I hope this helps.