Your poetical endeavours will not acheive anything on this website. Its probably making you feel even more depressed.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. Seek your happiness by limiting your desires, rather than attempting to satisfy them-if you think yourself to be desperate, then that is who you will be, women don't like desperate men. However be positive and think of yourself as a i dunno...a "magnet" or something, and just keep smiling, and the world and its women will smile with you. Its amazing how sometimes the worlds ugliest men have beautiful companions, usually because they're stinking rich but its occasionally becuase they can overcome and manipulate what the women sees, through their words, expressions and mannerism. You as a young man just have to go through pain and be patient till your moment comes. You can't get everything pleasurable in your life at once, out of the disadvantages come the advantages. Look at Chaim, he has had his rough moments....been in prison, accused, mocked and had to leave israel, his homeland and a lot of his family behind. Yet he has kept his determination and is leading JTF which seems to be growing and rising, he probably never even contemplated suicide, as a wise man he knows he will finally succeed.
And Fruit of thy loins, commiting suicide isn't exactly going to get you someone. Think positive, acheive and fulfil dreams.The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. SO maybe fussy is the way afterall.