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please tell me what the torah says about men who beat their wives....

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muman613:
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/525852/jewish/Did-She-Cry-Because-of-You.htm

Did She Cry Because of You?
By Chana Weisberg

One of my favorite teachings from the Talmud is a marriage-related lesson. Aside from its psychological insight into how men and women operate differently, I love this teaching because it sheds a world of light on how to behave toward people in general—not only husbands to wives or wives to husbands, but towards everyone we encounter.

Rav said, "A man must always be careful to never pain his wife. Because her tears come readily, her pain comes quickly."1

Notice the wording.

It doesn't say be considerate to your wife. Nor does it say be nice and sensitive to her. Because your definition of consideration or sensitivity might be very different than hers. And your way of being nice might not be what she needs or craves.

Nor does the Talmud tell us, "She might be oversensitive, so just do your best, but in truth it's really her problem."

Instead, Rav teaches us, "She cries easily, so it's your responsibility to be extra careful." It is your obligation to make sure you don't do things or say things that distress her.

You might feel, Hey, this is something silly. She's being petty; she's overreacting. A little constructive criticism never hurt anyone. Eventually, I'm sure she'll come around.

But if she feels offended, the Talmud is saying, make sure you don't do it. Because her tears and her feelings are imperative.

What a lesson on how to regard another individual. Especially the most central other in your life.

So often we judge others by our own standards—I wouldn't mind having unexpected guests drop by, so you shouldn't either. Or, I enjoy sharing, so you must also. I appreciate a good joke even if the joke's on me, so there's no reason for you to take offense. We tend to think that as long as we treat the other in the same way that we like to be treated, we're doing okay.

The Talmud, however, teaches us to take ourselves out of the equation and view the situation from the other's perspective.

A friend who has experienced many challenges, including raising a child with special needs, commented that some people give too much significance to trivial issues. After overcoming real hurdles, she had a low tolerance level for someone who "sweated over life's small issues."

"But, Susan," I disagreed. "For that individual, at this point in his life, it is a big issue. For him, this is something tragic."

In fact, perhaps if we act with empathy towards others, assessing our words and behavior towards them not by our own standards but by how they are effected, perhaps we can then beseech G‑d, our "Cosmic Spouse," to act that way towards us as well.

"Dear G‑d," we could then argue, "we know that from Your perspective many of our wants and needs are trivial and petty. We also understand, that from Your seat on High, our pain, anxieties, conflicts and tensions may serve some higher cosmic purpose. But from our limited perspective, from the here and now, the pain is real and the suffering, unnecessary. Please G‑d, in Your infinite power, spare our tears. Make things not just good in truth, but good to us."

May we merit the fulfillment of the prophecy, "And G‑d will wipe away tears from every face."2

ag337:
Muman,

Thank you for posting this piece titled "Did She Cry Because of you?".......

It is enlightening and many of the members here on this forum, Jews and Gentiles alike, could all use a rather large dose of the information posted in this piece.

Again,
I thank you....

Kahane-Was-Right BT:

--- Quote from: ag337 on December 25, 2009, 12:11:36 AM --- and many of the members here on this forum, Jews and Gentiles alike, could all use a rather large dose of the information posted in this piece.
--- End quote ---


What makes you say that?   Do you profess to know what goes on in any of the members' personal lives?  And are you intimating of improper behavior?

Kahane-Was-Right BT:

--- Quote from: ~Hanna~ on December 24, 2009, 10:14:45 PM ---Please,

...and commit adultery....and bigomy...and abandon their children?????????

What does G-d think of these types of men?

I am not sure when I will be back...



--- End quote ---

Obviously these things are wrong.  When a person hits his wife he is acting as a vigilante, and this is forbidden in Judaism.   Domestic disputes can be resolved through appropriate means.     As for bigomy, abandonment etc, if these things were really done, it is time for a divorce.   Why would you stay with such an animalistic criminal? 

SW:
When I read that question first my answer was no, men are not allowed to beat their wives! Same in Christianity. Those men who beat their wives are cowards and deserve a fist!

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