I think some of your opposition to Judaism stems from your misunderstandings. I dont know about women being in a subservient position to men. Men and women are different and have unique missions in life. The woman is not subservient to men but an opposite but equal part of the equation of Jewish survival. You realize that a Jewish woman is a treasure according to our tradition. You also claim to believe that Judaism has antiquated beliefs. I do not understand why you feel this way. The fact is that Jewish history is long and we have had many enemies. The Romans are one good example of a people whom subjugated the Jewish people and have since become extinct. We remember the destruction of the Temple every day in order to long for the rebuilding of the Temple. The belief in the Moshiach and the rebuilding of the Temple is an integral part of the Jewish faith. This is not antiquated no more than remembering the Exodus from Egypt every day. The future of the Jewish people is tied to its history. Everything which happens in the Torah to the Jewish people has happened and will happen again.
Im very sorry you have such a sour view of the wonderful belief system of Judaism. Maybe one day you will be able to open your eyes and accept the awesome heritage you have been born into..
Muman, I am not against the Jewish belief system, of course. I can't accept some of the Rabbinical interpretations in my life. Such as the role of the women - call it what you will. I can't accept that women cannot be rabbis or scholars, given that they have good brains for that. Or the stuff you wrote about not having art in your house. I LOVE art - including portraits and sculpture. I couldn't live without art in my life. I love the ancient Greek and Roman culture. What the Romans did to the Jews exists for me in a different compartment of my brain. They did an evil thing. But that doesn't cancel the fact that I love the Roman culture, just as I love the German culture, despite the Holocaust. I love HaShem and the Torah He gave us. I am certainly not a self-hating Jew. I am proud to be Jewish. But I can't retreat into a certain kind of parochial, anti-Western Orthodox Judaism.
However, I gave a promise to G-d that I will start eating Kosher, if I find a job within the next couple of months. I am growing completely desperate, and it's a sin to despair.