I am very confused about Jewish Dating!!!

[Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB]

Part A: I understand that the whole point is just to get married but my question is if you see a girl in your class and you found out that she is Jewish why can't you approach her and for the sake of even become more Jewish your self. Its very hard to become religious, why can't you have a person opposite sex be supporting you and that way you both might become more religious and there is a chance a big I would say that you could marry that person. Part B: question is How does one supposed to get married through dating if he never had experience even talking to a girl? Part C: If it would be a right thing to do at all, what would be the right approach to that type of girl who is religious herself? Anyway why can't one become friends with a girl I am not even talking about g/f just friends. I am completely lost can anyone explain it to me please I wanna hear your opinions, thanks. 

[jdl4ever]

1.  There's nothing wrong with becoming friends with a girl.  It is especially useful so that you use this experience to know how to interact with girls, be comfortable talking to them and to present yourself well. 
2.  There's nothing wrong with talking to girls.  The only theoretical limitation a Rabbi in Ethics gave was that a man doing excessive talking with girls is a bad thing (probably meaning like girls talk to each other for hours about nonsense).  At first I didn't know how to interact with girls and was nervous because I didn't have the experience talking to the opposite sex.  After a while, I got the hang of it so it is good to talk with girls and make acquaintances or friends.
3.  Adults almost never change and if they do change it occurs only very slowly over many years or after a life changing event.  Therefore one should not expect to make one's partner more religious or to get more religious from one's partner since this usually results in failure since adults simply do not change.  If you want to marry someone religious then you must become religious before marriage since your partner is not going to change you.

Hope I answered your questions.  Oh, if you are Haredi or go to an Haredi school or Haredi Rabbi then they might tell you nonsense that you can't look at a girl or even talk to one, don't listen to them; this is not the Torah approach but is to the far extreme beyond what the Torah teaches. 

[Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB]

1.  There's nothing wrong with becoming friends with a girl.  It is especially useful so that you use this experience to know how to interact with girls, be comfortable talking to them and to present yourself well. 
2.  There's nothing wrong with talking to girls.  The only theoretical limitation a Rabbi in Ethics gave was that a man doing excessive talking with girls is a bad thing (probably meaning like girls talk to each other for hours about nonsense).  At first I didn't know how to interact with girls and was nervous because I didn't have the experience talking to the opposite sex.  After a while, I got the hang of it so it is good to talk with girls and make acquaintances or friends.
3.  Adults almost never change and if they do change it occurs only very slowly over many years or after a life changing event.  Therefore one should not expect to make one's partner more religious or to get more religious from one's partner since this usually results in failure since adults simply do not change.  If you want to marry someone religious then you must become religious before marriage since your partner is not going to change you.

Hope I answered your questions.  Oh, if you are Haredi or go to an Haredi school or Haredi Rabbi then they might tell you nonsense that you can't look at a girl or even talk to one, don't listen to them; this is not the Torah approach but is to the far extreme beyond what the Torah teaches. 

thanks a lot for taking your time to write out your answers 

[jdl4ever]

Basically the Rabbis don't want you to think about lying with a girl when you speak with her.  As long as you are not lusting over a girl and thinking about sleeping with them then there is no problem talking with girls, looking at them and making friends.  Don't let the Haredim try to fool you by stretching the Rambam to mean one can't look at women or talk to them; or that you can't appreciate their beauty (w/o lusting over it) as the Shulchan Aruch has a blessing one is supposed to make on beautiful people. 

[Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB]

thanks guys for your answers. I wish more people could have reply to this though, but its either not that many people in this section or its very difficult topic.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Part A: I understand that the whole point is just to get married but my question is if you see a girl in your class and you found out that she is Jewish why can't you approach her and for the sake of even become more Jewish your self. Its very hard to become religious, why can't you have a person opposite sex be supporting you and that way you both might become more religious and there is a chance a big I would say that you could marry that person.

I have a question how can being friends and talking to girls make you more Jewish. Talking to girls developing friendships is perfectly ok and natural.

Part B: question is How does one supposed to get married through dating if he never had experience even talking to a girl?

Bottom line you shouldn't get married if thats the case. You need to be able to relate to girls, only way is by interacting with them. Know what is accepted by them is a long process that you must experience, not very thing can be given to you via a book.

Part C: If it would be a right thing to do at all, what would be the right approach to that type of girl who is religious herself? Anyway why can't one become friends with a girl I am not even talking about g/f just friends. I am completely lost can anyone explain it to me please I wanna hear your opinions, thanks. 

You can use a proxy, that is acceptable to be introduced to a girl. And if you feel more comfortable then have your friendship via a proxy. But you should find that is not needed once you have develop the social skills for the interaction.

Basically thats what I think is lacking just the correct social skills.

[Tzvi Ben Roshel1]

You should limit closed interactions with girls. If your sitting in a group okay, or if you are trying to find a Shidduh (going out on a date), then you have to talk and try to get to know each other to see if she's for you. But their isn't really "just a friendship" between guys and girls. Dont let the yetzer fool you and say its just talking, + the Rabbis in Pirki Avot say that anyone who talks excessivly with a female will inherit Gehinnom, and that was talking about one's wife, how much more soo someone who isn't your wife.

[jdl4ever]

Tzvi is presenting the Haredi opinion, that you can't even speak to a girl unless you are dating her.  I think it's far too an extreme opinion without any Torah basis.  Some of these people actually cross the street if a woman is walking on the same side as they are.   It's like they're afraid of women

[Tzvi Ben Roshel1]

Tzvi is presenting the Haredi opinion, that you can't even speak to a girl unless you are dating her.  I think it's far too an extreme opinion without any Torah basis.  Some of these people actually cross the street if a woman is walking on the same side as they are.   It's like they're afraid of women

Its not the Haredi opinion as you claim. I can look up Shulhan Aruch and other Halacha (which is much strickter belive me), also why do you have to resort to making fun of people who are stricter then us, if you cant be on their level then at least dont make fun of them.
 And if someone does do that its not because their afraid of women its because they are afraid of G-d and of sinning, we should only at least strive to be on their level and not even more soo resort to making fun. I remember some saying where is it more dangerous to walk behind a lion then a women.

[Tina Greco - Melbourne]

Women are not to be feared. Just respected.

[jdl4ever]

Well, while it is permitted from the Torah to have female friends, I personally think it is better for Jewish men to not become friends with single Gentile girls, but to merely become acquantances.  Because one time I had an acquantance at College with this Catholic girl that was 7 years older than me and she was hitting on me.   
Although you can't make generalizations from one bad experience. 

[דוד בן זאב אריה]

This was very insiteful toda