Strange and curious church

[mord]

 Hard to beleive it's actually funny      http://www.landoverbaptist.org/


http://www.landoverbaptist.org/subjectarchive/homosexuals.html
     



http://www.landoverbaptist.org/beliefs.html




Landover discussess Negros                   




http://www.landoverbaptist.org/subjectarchive/negroes.html

[mord]

All about wiccans   

The Horrifying Secrets of WICCA Revealed in Our Incredible Bestselling New Book:


Click Here Now!

Wicca:
Intoxicated By Christian Blood!

Update: MP3 Audio Advice for Hunting Wiccans! Click Here


Freehold, Iowa - In an act that can only be described as pure evil, a rabid young Wiccan girl wearing a black cape burst into the Landover Baptist 11 a.m. Sunday morning church service and flung the bloody carcass of a headless black cat across 297 pews. Pastor Deacon Fred ducked just in time as the abomination splashed into the baptismal pool, spattering chunks of animal flesh and water over the white robes of a horrified Christian Seniors Choir visiting from Des Moines. Pushing a frenzied crowd of screaming parishioners aside, Church ushers acted quickly and detained the Devil's harlot for questioning in the sanctuary basement before taking her to the furnace room.
The following Tuesday, at a meeting of concerned Deacons, Pastor Deacon Fred explained, “Wicca, is just a fancy word that insecure unsaved teenagers who hate their parents use to describe their little club.” Landover Baptist has thousands of Christian moles placed in covens, chat rooms, and schools all across America. “They feed us some pretty gruesome stuff about Wiccans,”said Pastor Deacon Fred. "From what we can gather, like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood to seal their commitment to Satan." Deacon Fred continued, "My guess is that the little Devil worshipper who slipped into our Sunday Morning service last week, did so because she got some inside information about what we were going to release on our website this month. She was nervous and very upset that the rest of the world would soon learn the truth about her silly cult.”

It was announced after the meeting that Landover parishioners and Baptist police officers in Freehold, Iowa will be required to undergo extensive training in order to spot the latest breed of unsaved trash, the Wiccan, or, as the True Christian® founding fathers of America called them, Witches. Some of that training information, as planned, is available in condensed form below. Please keep in mind, that if you see anyone that fits ANY of the descriptions you are about to read, anywhere on your local church property, call the police IMMEDIATELY! These sorts of people do not visit churches because they are looking for salvation. They are there to harass True Christians®, cast spells, throw hexes, and to commit bizarre hate crimes against the true body of Christ (Baptists), their sworn enemy. We also believe that True Wiccans are receiving orders directly from the Vatican, which makes the situation even more dangerous.


Spotting Wiccans:
This information could save a Christian life!
Appearance:

Wiccans are generally overweight and of pale complexion. If they are not pale, they use powder or makeup (even the boys!) to generate the illusion of paleness or death. Wiccans are given to the piercing of skin as a sign of submission to their master, Satan. Look for multiple piercing and piercing in peculiar places like the nose, cheeks, eyebrows, lips, fingertips, chin, forehead, tongue, and on the shocking devil’s tip of the ear! Some Wiccans pierce their genitals as well. If you happen to peek over into the stall next to you and see a urination stream spraying in three directions (to mock the Trinity), it is likely the person is a Wiccan who just had the tip of his penis carefully pierced by his coven leader. (NOTE: Most coven leaders are either Catholic priests or tattoo parlor owners)

Wiccans are under a contract with Satan to wear black. It is one of the first things they learn when they are indoctrinated into their cult. You can spot them mostly in leather, lace, black fingernail polish, eye makeup, and lipstick. Some Wiccans even wear black underwear! But since you are a Christian, you won’t have to see that unless you capture one.

It is a well-known fact that Wiccans only bathe once a month, as such; they have a distinctively unpleasant odor they try to hide by wearing perfumes like patchouli or wolf’s bane.

Wiccans wear lots of silver jewelry that is never clean. If you see someone wearing rings, amulets, broaches, or necklaces caked with green mold, most likely that person is a Wiccan.

Skills:

Wiccans usually bring home better grades at school than most of their peers. This is not because they are more intelligent, but rather because they cheat by casting spells and hexes on their teachers. Their master (Satan) is also highly adept at moving their pudgy little fingers in the right direction on a test paper. It is also important to note here that if a Wiccan is sober enough to vote, it will always be for a Democrat. The word "democrat" is closely associated with the word, "demon." Most True Christians® commonly refer to Democrats as "Demoncrats" and already keep a firearm handy during election time, so this information might be redundant for some.

Behavior:

Most Wiccans congregate in groups that prey on loners. They are generally a quiet lot because they are constantly thinking about new ways to kidnap True Christian® children and drain their bodies of blood. Wiccans like to purchase knives and swords from master Wiccan craftsmen who camp out at Renaissance Festivals (Renaissance Festivals are run by the Catholic Church - LBC Creation Science Vatican Study, 1983, pg 114-127). It's a preference of blade over gun because a good part of their satanic ritual includes a precise cutting of Christian flesh into bite-size Jesus steaks that are oftentimes smoked and cured into what Wiccans jokingly call, "Jesus Jerky." These fat little demons get a real hellish kick out of sitting around their school lunch table, nibbling on Christian flesh while classmates look on unaware.

Wiccans are also known to tear out pages from the Bible (especially pages that have red writing on them). They use them to roll marijuana cigarettes into something they refer to as "a joint."


The Wiccan Bond To Satan:

Most Wiccans will tell you that they don't believe in Satan. Ha! True Christians® know you don't have to believe in Satan to follow him. The the truth is that anyone who is not following Jesus, is following Satan whether they believe in him or not. What many young Wiccans don't know is that, like the Mormon Church, the higher ups (Wiccans refer to them as "Elite Warlocks, Blood Guards, and Litch Kings") keep their flock in the dark about the real Satanic Wiccan agenda. You'd think that by drinking all that Christian blood they would know something was amiss! Sadly, most Wiccans have been placed under a trance by their coven leaders and it's only when they reach a certain level in their training that the trance is lifted, and by then it is way too late for any hope!.



If you've read up to this point, you should have enough information to help you spot a Wiccan. We hope you find the details provided here, useful. We've done all of this, free of charge. If you'd like to continue your education and learn how to stalk, hunt, and trap live Wiccans, we suggest you purchase a copy of Pastor Deacon Fred’s new book: Wicca: Intoxicated By Christian Blood - now available at your local Bible bookstore ($49.99. Autographed first edition hardcover - $129.99). The information placed on this website is a high level summary from chapter one of Pastor's book.

UPDATE: HORRIFYING NEWS: Blizzard Inc. Releases Wiccan Training Software! Click Here For Details!


Footnotes

In Exodus, Chapter 22, Verse 18, G-d INSISTS: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Find out if "Thou Shalt Not Kill" doesn't apply when it comes to witches by reading Pastor's joyous Christian sermon by clicking here.

   


http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0702/wiccans.html

[Ehud]

Hehe, pretty funny.  It's a joke site though, it's supposed to be a parody of Christian fundamentalists.

[mord]

 

[newman]

Quote:"like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood "

Ah....the old blood libel. Some things never change.

The best thing for these misguided teenage girls is to have them put over the knee of a middle aged Aussie transport worker for a light spanking. That'll do 'em the world of good.

[mord]

Quote:"like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood "

Ah....the old blood libel. Some things never change.

The best thing for these misguided teenage girls is to have them put over the knee of a middle aged Aussie transport worker for a light spanking. That'll do 'em the world of good.

That is one funny site

[Ehud]

Quote:"like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood "

Ah....the old blood libel. Some things never change.

The best thing for these misguided teenage girls is to have them put over the knee of a middle aged Aussie transport worker for a light spanking. That'll do 'em the world of good.

Yes, I'm sure whoever that transport worker would end up being would enjoy that.   

[newman]

Quote:"like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood "

Ah....the old blood libel. Some things never change.

The best thing for these misguided teenage girls is to have them put over the knee of a middle aged Aussie transport worker for a light spanking. That'll do 'em the world of good.

Yes, I'm sure whoever that transport worker would end up being would enjoy that.   

Enjoyment has nothing to do with it. I just happen to be a community spirited person who takes an interest in the souls of young, vulnerable women. Where's your sense of civic duty, man?