Shalom LKZ...
I appreciate that... I apologize if it seems I am posting things which can lead others astray. That is what I am concerned about. The command to not place a stumbling block before a 'blind' man. That command is interpreted in many ways which could bring transgression for causing another person to go 'off the derech'... Anyway, thanks again.
Here Rabbi Brovender talks about music during the Three Weeks...
I had no intention of making you think that I thought any less of you, or that I am against you or what you do. The same thing that disgusts me with disgusting people lets me recognize good people, so my yiddishkeit is not at risk from this. To be honest, I have to keep away from most people, which brings up other problems. For example, I didn't keep this shabbat. I kicked off a light and only realized what I did after, and then I was so bored and lonely I smoked three cigarettes, and I was already depressed that I was saying the wrong bracha on meat because I'm 1 manning Judaism, and I don't want to complain, but a little help would help me do better. It would be basically impossible to live like me, and it doesn't even work. Also, I met a young Cohen 2 weeks ago, and was supposed to date her Thursday, and 3 days before facebook kicked me out, so I lost her number, and I am sad, since she's the first girl I talked to since I became religious, and especially since I can't do pull-ups after my surgery, and I wasn't strong enough to win. I hope I made a real teshuva and next week I'll sit in my room and read and sleep like I've been doing, or G-d willing something more fun, or social, but yeah this really got off topic, but if I say this to my secular family, it'll be chilul Hashem, so I have no one else to talk to. I'm supposed to have money coming to me, but when I reminded my boss of it he gave me a look like he was going to try to cheap me out when it came, university has been going horribly, probably the worst I've ever done in school, and every class is pure useless filth, and now I'm thousands of dollars in debt, so I'm so lost, I don't even know what to ask you what to do in, and the worst part is I'm loosing my share in this world, and can't even keep Torah, so my share in the world to come is gone too, and I just need something to go my way, because I want to do good, but at the end of the day I go play computer games so I can hide from reality. I know that's what I'm doing, so I'm less righteous than anyone here, I just might sink even to a lower level with that.
My whole soul really crushes in those moments when I analyze my life. I'm playing games now.
