JTF.ORG Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Vito on March 30, 2009, 12:24:53 PM
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What can I do? Or not do?
I was afraid of two of my uncles as a kid as well.. maybe it's just a phase?
The older one is very shy with me, the younger one is petrified of me. I try to find common interests with them but it doesn't work.. any suggestions?
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I am facing the same problem, although my niece is good with me,my nephew does not like me... I can understand how you must be feeling.
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Are they toddlers? Sounds like toddlers, they'll quickly grow out of it, the little ones are sometimes shy.
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Are they toddlers? Sounds like toddlers, they'll quickly grow out of it, the little ones are sometimes shy.
No, 4 and 7
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I can understand the 4 year old, but the 7 year old is getting up there. I dunno. Sounds like one of them got it into their head that you're scary and the other one is going along with it. Maybe you remind them of a scary character they saw in a movie. Okay, if all else fails, try bribery, nothing says I'm not scary like brightly wrapped PRESENTS!
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Vito,
One of the things you could do is exercise patience and don't press the issue.
Don't make it seem to them that you are trying to hard.
Children have very keen senses in regards to their environments and the people who inhabit them (especially little girls). They are very intuitive from a young age.
I really do believe that you need to let nature take it's course and everything will fall into place naturally.
At least, this has been my experience in similar situations.
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Kids that age like goofiness. Try that. Whatever you do... dont be serious around them.
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please elaborate...what do you mean by "petrified and shy"?
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I can imagine how you must feel, it would have broke my heart if my little nephew was afraid of me when he was little.
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please elaborate...what do you mean by "petrified and shy"?
The older one tries to talk to me, but it's a real effort. The young one will grab her doll and curl up in a corner when I go near her..
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please elaborate...what do you mean by "petrified and shy"?
The older one tries to talk to me, but it's a real effort. The young one will grab her doll and curl up in a corner when I go near her..
I wonder if it is your demeanor or your natural size. I have no idea how you normally look.
I would keep a smile on your face when you are around them and start with the older one. Find out what she likes to do for fun and as a big uncle maybe take her some place fun and do something fun with her. If she seems to enjoy herself, the younger one will follow.
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Sigh, just try the bribery, you'll change from scary Uncle Vito, to Uncle Vito the one with the prezzies! :)
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I have a very good relation to my nephews, but a reserved relation to my niece.
It was always like that. But not so hard that she run away from me. But I felt and feel everytime uncomfortable if I meet her, and I am shure she feels the same.
Sometimes people have a natural aversion to each other.
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One of my cousins used to be afraid of me when she was little.
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Don't push yourself or them to like one and other.
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I would just talk to your nieces as nicely as you would talk to anyone else. Don't gush too much. Some women can be much too syrupy sweet around children. They're like "HIIIIII! " Children are naturally more reserved around people who are not their parents. So I would just be friendly with them. But if they're reserved, don't push it. Just go about talking to your siblings normally, and maybe the kids will start to warm up to you.
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I am giving my nephews evertime an extra big piece of meat or chicken if they were at my house for dinner with my brother.
But they liked me before, so I don't know if this would work in your case Vito. :::D
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What can I do? Or not do?
I was afraid of two of my uncles as a kid as well.. maybe it's just a phase?
The older one is very shy with me, the younger one is petrified of me. I try to find common interests with them but it doesn't work.. any suggestions?
Puppets....
go buy some silly puppets, go home and practice, next time you see them, take the puppets....
the puppets can make them laugh..
if you need some links to some awesome puppet websites, PM me, I know of some.
(I have puppets, lol)...
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What do they like to do?
Try to find out.
If you can talk to them about things they like, it seems to help.
My daughter enjoys when I do the things she likes with her.
I'm pretty good at Lego Batman, Star Wars and Indiana Jones for Play Station after hours of playing. ;D
You have to work on being 'relaxed' around kids.
I had to work on that for the religion class, full of fourth graders, that I teach. Even though I'm a Mother.
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I have quite the opposite problem with my niece we argue on a regular basis. :::D You would be surprised how well that works to build a relationship. :laugh:
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I have quite the opposite problem with my niece we argue on a regular basis. :::D You would be surprised how well that works to build a relationship. :laugh:
It's a real :love: / >:( relationship. Something to behold. :::D
Vito - BullCat jr. suggest bribery. Easter is coming up. :hair: 'Doesn't have to be a big gift. A barbie, hair clips or a pillow that says ANGEL on it...or just a big fat I love you card for both of them.'
BullCat jr.'s uncle gave her nice art supplies for Christmas. He made a friend for life.
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I've long had the same problem with children and housepets, even larger dogs. If they're not used to taller/ bigger men and/or men with bigger voices, then both children and dogs will shy away. I try to speak a bit more softly around the kids and get on my knees to speak directly to children. As for the dogs, I don't care too much if they're afraid.
37
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Maybe their parents have said something in regard to you that the kids misunderstood. I would ask the parents if they know what possibly could have made them fear you. Maybe they know a weirdo that looks similar to you (I don't mean that bad, some people can be weirdos but look normal).
Maybe treat them like a horse..... really. If a horse won't come near you sometimes you can just ignore it and go about your business but doing something that looks as if it is really a cool, fun, or interesting (or food) but try to limit their view to what it is and keep ignoring them. Before too long the horse will come up behind you to see what you are doing with curiosity overtaking the fear. Maybe the kids will come closer to see what you are doing with their mind on whatever it is your doing rather than on being afraid of you.....catch them off guard then grab them real quickly!!!! (Joking on the grab part)
another worthless reply by drlmg
good luck
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Hmm...
Interesting. Kids and animals are always friendly with me.
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VITO: please watch this video about Folkmanis puppets....!!!!
I ALSO POSTED A PIC OF THEIR BORDER COLLIE PUPPET....
http://www.folkmanis.com/video.php (http://www.folkmanis.com/video.php)
I own several of their puppets, INCLUDING A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!
Kids really LOVE these puppets!!
This video shows their Labrador Retriever...
They also have a SHEEPDOG and If I remember correctly they even have a German Shepard...
These dogs are lifelife and cuddly...
Ohhhh your nieces would love this....
HERE IS A LINK TO THEIR WEBSITE:
http://www.folkmanis.com/ (http://www.folkmanis.com/)
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Gifts= leared responce ie they will like you , its true.
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Gifts= leared responce ie they will like you , its true.
I used to be scared of adults when I was a kid.
Puppets are less intimidating.
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Hmm...
Interesting. Kids and animals are always friendly with me.
Me too... I was surprised when my Rabbis young kids just came up and started to talk with me. They were really enjoying talking with me and both of them were entirely comfortable with me. I also have a good nature with animals and most cats and dogs are eager to become friends with me.
My recommendation is to speak softly and be concerned with what the child is doing. Ask questions like "What are you doing in school?" or "What fun things do you do?". By engaging the children in questions you draw them towards you. It is especially important for a Jewish man to be able to teach the children about the story of Passover. This is always done using questions and answers {i.e. the four questions}.
Mazel Tov!
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Sigh, just try the bribery, you'll change from scary Uncle Vito, to Uncle Vito the one with the prezzies! :)
and Uncle Vito with the cool puppets.... ;D
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Try something really different for a change...perhaps you can take them to the Park to fly a kite or take them on a fishing trip. I think being outside may help the situation. Kids love to go out and there are tons of places you can take them.
Doing something out of the ordinary might help them change their current image of you.
Shalom & Good Luck - Dox
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Try something really different for a change...perhaps you can take them to the Park to fly a kite or take them on a fishing trip. I think being outside may help the situation. Kids love to go out and there are tons of places you can take them.
Doing something out of the ordinary might help them change their current image of you.
Shalom & Good Luck - Dox
That is a great suggestion republicandox.
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Watch a child show, cartoon, etc. with them, preferably something funny.
If that doesn't work, there are 2 things that always work with children (I was a teacher for years Vito, I found this out the hard way):
1) toys
2) sweets
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Hmm...
Interesting. Kids and animals are always friendly with me.
Me too... I was surprised when my Rabbis young kids just came up and started to talk with me. They were really enjoying talking with me and both of them were entirely comfortable with me. I also have a good nature with animals and most cats and dogs are eager to become friends with me.
My recommendation is to speak softly and be concerned with what the child is doing. Ask questions like "What are you doing in school?" or "What fun things do you do?". By engaging the children in questions you draw them towards you. It is especially important for a Jewish man to be able to teach the children about the story of Passover. This is always done using questions and answers {i.e. the four questions}.
Mazel Tov!
In kindergarten, and in elementary schools (when I visited my old schools etc) the little kids also went to me, and started talking and invited me to play. :dance:
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I'm a girl and don't have that sort of trouble, (:-* girls) but... since you're a guy, and apparently an intimidating guy that girls are scared of, here's my guy advice from experience:
My ex-boyfriend took my little relative (4 year old girl) out shopping for her birthday, and told her he'd buy anything she wanted. She was in disbelief for a while, but when she realized he was serious, well :D she needless to say, wholeheartedly obliged. They went to a children's "jewelry" store first (which is inexpensive), and then to a toy store or two, and in between bought a huge lollipop. After shopping, they took photos at a photo booth together. It was really sweet and cute. They had the biggest smiles.
When they got back and she was trying on her jewelry, he even let her put some on him, and laugh at him.
kind of going along with that, a word of caution...
don't make fun of *them.* If you're going to make fun of anyone, it better be of yourself. You're there to entertain THEM, not to get a kick out of them, and certainly not at their expense. For example, when the little one runs into the corner with her little doll, don't laugh. Girls are sensitive. It hurts.
oh, he also bought her (she didn't choose it) but he bought her a remote controlled car. Now, this was interesting because little girls don't usually care for or play with cars or other "boy" stuff. Well, it was a really fun car that can basically go upside down/crazy, and he nicely showed her how to "navigate." She loved it. They bonded, lol, and the car is forever associated with him. (The "jewelry" gets lost over time)
(http://www.sz-wholesale.com/uploadFiles/Remote%20Control%20Car_847.jpg)
(or you can get a toy motorcycle, LoL... but I would still recommend a car)
Sooo, with all the presents, she still asks about him, lol. It wasn't all that expensive. It's an investment :) If you do this, you may want to talk to your brother before because it may cause them to like you more than their parents, or the parents may think you're "spoiling" them... (but so what)
Also, if you want to let the parents have some control over the presents, keep the receipts and give them to the parents. If they want to return something, they can, but they will also get the blame. LoL.
so, like others suggested, bribery works.