JTF.ORG Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: ftf on August 10, 2007, 02:29:46 PM
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I think that this forum could do with a bit of humour, so this a topic in which to talk about all the random or stupid things that you do.
For example, when typing, I always capitalise the word Jew automatically, but for some reason I almost always fail to capitalise Christian and have to go back and change it, I do the same wih Muslim/Moslim/Mohammedan.
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I think that this forum could do with a bit of humour, so this a topic in which to talk about all the random or stupid things that you do.
For example, when typing, I always capitalise the word Jew automatically, but for some reason I almost always fail to capitalise Christian and have to go back and change it, I do the same wih Muslim/Moslim/Mohammedan.
It's a Freudian-type slip. You know the Jews are right. :laugh:
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Ummm..stupid things ? umm...ohhh yeah..posting on this topic is one of the stupidest things i'v ever done in my life .
Just kidding, I don't have somthing to post here :-X
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The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.
Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.
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2 inches is the optimum distance to hold the lighter when lighting a fart.
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2 inches is the optimum distance to hold the lighter when lighting a fart.
You know a lot about those things Newman ?
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I like chimneys.
The history of the chimney, from Wikipedia:
Romans used tubes inside the walls to draw smoke out of bakeries but real chimneys appeared only in northern Europe in the 12th century. Industrial chimneys became common in the late 18th century.
Chimneys have traditionally been built of brick, both in small and large buildings. Early chimneys were of a simple brick construction. Later chimneys were constructed by placing the bricks around tile liners. To control downdrafts venting caps (often called chimney pots) with a variety of designs are sometimes placed on the top of chimneys.
In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the methods used to extract lead from its ore produced large amounts of toxic fumes. In the north of England, long near-horizontal chimneys were built, often more than 3 km (2 miles) long, which typically terminated in a short vertical chimney in a remote location where the fumes would cause less harm. Lead and silver deposits formed on the inside of these long chimneys, and periodically workers would be sent along the chimneys to scrape off these valuable deposits.
Fascinating, I think you'll all agree.
Lets use chimneys to release muzzie-gas when we burn the moslems!
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2 inches is the optimum distance to hold the lighter when lighting a fart.
You know a lot about those things Newman ?
I'm an Aussie.....of coarse I do.
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Red heifer - In Judaism, the red heifer (Hebrew:פרה אדומה; parah adumah) is a young cow that is sacrificed and whose ashes are used for the ritual purification of people who came into contact with a corpse. A heifer is a young cow before she has had her first calf.
(http://www.broadacresfarm.com/Beef/Red_Heifer_on_pasture_May2004.JPG)
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If you drop your wallet in Turkey, don't bend over to pick it up.
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If you drop your wallet in Turkey, don't bend over to pick it up.
LOL
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If you drop your wallet in Turkey, don't bend over to pick it up.
I was in Turkey, they are actually nice ::) they know hebrew hehe, that was nice .
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I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken!!! :)
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Click me for a random website, different each time (warning, there is no guarantee that it will not link to something offensive) (http://www.randomwebsite.com/cgi-bin/random21.pl)
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If confronted by a mugger, tell him that since you saw the film 'Papillon', you've got a great place to hide your money.
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I like chimneys.
The history of the chimney, from Wikipedia:
Romans used tubes inside the walls to draw smoke out of bakeries but real chimneys appeared only in northern Europe in the 12th century. Industrial chimneys became common in the late 18th century.
Chimneys have traditionally been built of brick, both in small and large buildings. Early chimneys were of a simple brick construction. Later chimneys were constructed by placing the bricks around tile liners. To control downdrafts venting caps (often called chimney pots) with a variety of designs are sometimes placed on the top of chimneys.
In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the methods used to extract lead from its ore produced large amounts of toxic fumes. In the north of England, long near-horizontal chimneys were built, often more than 3 km (2 miles) long, which typically terminated in a short vertical chimney in a remote location where the fumes would cause less harm. Lead and silver deposits formed on the inside of these long chimneys, and periodically workers would be sent along the chimneys to scrape off these valuable deposits.
Fascinating, I think you'll all agree.
Lets use chimneys to release muzzie-gas when we burn the moslems!
I think you're going more than a bit too far there, far more than a bit actually.
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I like chimneys.
The history of the chimney, from Wikipedia:
Romans used tubes inside the walls to draw smoke out of bakeries but real chimneys appeared only in northern Europe in the 12th century. Industrial chimneys became common in the late 18th century.
Chimneys have traditionally been built of brick, both in small and large buildings. Early chimneys were of a simple brick construction. Later chimneys were constructed by placing the bricks around tile liners. To control downdrafts venting caps (often called chimney pots) with a variety of designs are sometimes placed on the top of chimneys.
In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the methods used to extract lead from its ore produced large amounts of toxic fumes. In the north of England, long near-horizontal chimneys were built, often more than 3 km (2 miles) long, which typically terminated in a short vertical chimney in a remote location where the fumes would cause less harm. Lead and silver deposits formed on the inside of these long chimneys, and periodically workers would be sent along the chimneys to scrape off these valuable deposits.
Fascinating, I think you'll all agree.
Lets use chimneys to release muzzie-gas when we burn the moslems!
I think you're going more than a bit too far there, far more than a bit actually.
Only from an environmental standpoint.
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I want no part of any organisation or group which agrees with the sentiments here expressed by Nic and newman.
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Actually I sympathize more with Cyrzian's view that rehabilitaion is good but I felt the need for an impacting statement in my post there... I apologize.
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If confronted by a mugger, tell him that since you saw the film 'Papillon', you've got a great place to hide your money.
:laugh: :laugh:
A rat can last longer without water then a camel.
I always have the urge to laugh whenever someone posts something very serious. It just suddenly strikes me, that this world is important and everybody cares so much...and that sets me off. Whenever i listen to any of Chaim's shows, I giggle to myself.....this usually happens on the train and people step 2 inches away from me.
I also find Yacovs posts quite funny sometimes, for no reason.
When I was younger-a lot younger- ;D I used to stand in the middle of the bus without holding onto anything so i could pretend i was on a skateboard when going down the hill.
I crack open custard creams, eat the middle filling and leave the biscuit in the packet.
Salt isn't white, it is translucent and appears to be opaque when light is scattered off its small particles, the same case goes for milk.
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Actually I sympathize more with Cyrzian's view that rehabilitaion is good but I felt the need for an impacting statement in my post there... I apologize.
It's fine, as long as you didn't really mean it, sorry, but that one really got to me, my great grandma went up the chimney in a nazi concentration camp, the iddea of doing that to any human being, I just can't bear it.
Maybe I'm just being irrational.
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Salt isn't white, it is translucent and appears to be opaque when light is scattered off its small particles, the same case goes for milk.
Then it IS white... colour is all about appearance. Define colour.
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Actually I sympathize more with Cyrzian's view that rehabilitaion is good but I felt the need for an impacting statement in my post there... I apologize.
It's fine, as long as you didn't really mean it, sorry, but that one really got to me, my great grandma went up the chimney in a nazi concentration camp, the iddea of doing that to any human being, I just can't bear it.
Maybe I'm just being irrational.
No, I have and will continue to stand by your very human viewpoints rather than the viewpoint of KILL THE MUSLIMS. When a muslim says KILL THE NON MUSLIMS I am very uninclined to believe that KILL THE MUSLIMS is any more of a moral high ground. I apoligize for any distress caused :)
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When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.
This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.
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When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.
This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.
LOL so useful, that advice!
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Save big $$ this x-mas:
About 2 weeks before x-mas day, come home with a long, sad face and act in a very depressed manner. When your children ask what's wrong, inform them that there's been a terrible accident and Santa Clause is dead. Because of this awfull loss, x-mas is now off.
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Salt isn't white, it is translucent and appears to be opaque when light is scattered off its small particles, the same case goes for milk.
Then it IS white... colour is all about appearance. Define colour.
Yes I shouldn't say that it isn't white...because from a humans perception it would be as colour is caused by a visual response to light, but it is an illusion in the case of salt. ...unlike things like some chemicals which in their normal state are not colourless.
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The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.
Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.
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The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.
Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.
The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.
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The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.
Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.
The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.
What an asinine remark.
I taught you how to punch.
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Don't listen to nonsense about not kicking a man when he is down. There is no better time to kick a man.
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Don't listen to nonsense about not kicking a man when he is down. There is no better time to kick a man.
That is absolutely true.
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The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.
Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.
The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.
What an asinine remark.
I taught you how to punch.
I never tried to say that I wasn't completely socially inept.
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I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken!!! :)
I can identify with this.
I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect.
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If confronted by a mugger, tell him that since you saw the film 'Papillon', you've got a great place to hide your money.
Two friends, named Peter and Paul, are walking down the street one night.
Peter lent Paul 20 bucks several months ago, but can never get his friend to re-pay the loan.
Suddenly, a mugger jumps out of an alley brandishing a gun and demands their
money.
Paul says 'Just a minute, Buster!', quickly reaches into his pocket, hands Peter a twenty, and says 'Here's the money I owe you'.
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Do unto others as the b@stards have done unto you.
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It's impossible to lick your elbow.
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Admit it, you just tried.
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It's impossible to lick your elbow.
Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.
The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.
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It's impossible to lick your elbow.
Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.
The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.
It's actually possible :
(http://www.ddruk.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/4/room_elbow-lick.jpg)
I can't do it, but some people can .
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It's impossible to lick your elbow.
Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.
The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.
It's actually possible :
(http://www.ddruk.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/4/room_elbow-lick.jpg)
I can't do it, but some people can .
Dexter, my boy.....
You're gonna make a nice Jewish girl very happy one day. ;)
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When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.
This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.
Even better than that. Start a business of your own that doesn't require 50 hours of work a week, like I did. And then you can tell your "boss" where he can shove it. Its kind of stupid yelling at myself in the mirror, but its fun anway!!!! :))
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Morris and the Samurai.
There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three.
The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.
The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed.
Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went Morris's sword, but the wasp was still alive and buzzing around the emperor.
The emperor was very disappointed and asked Morris, "After all your sword play, why is the wasp not dead?"
Morris replied, "A circumcision is never intended to kill."
Extremely old joke, but one of my favs. :)
Jeff
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That really cracked me up Jeff, (I think your name is Jeff isn't it?)
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When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.
This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.
Even better than that. Start a business of your own that doesn't require 50 hours of work a week, like I did. And then you can tell your "boss" where he can shove it. Its kind of stupid yelling at myself in the mirror, but its fun anway!!!! :))
That is funny! Just don't do it when people are around.
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Let me ask my Wife for permission too answer....... ;)
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A wise man once said, "He who spits against the wind will get wet."
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I've just started reading a book called 'The Warmth and Humour of the German People'. Finished.
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NEWMAN LOL !! I'm charging you the money too clean the coffee off my comp screen!!!!
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NEWMAN LOL !! I'm charging you the money too clean the coffee off my comp screen!!!!
:D
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Sarah , good grief, everytime I see your name I think of that song "Sarah" and I forget the name of the group that made it. Kind of a slow song. Jefferson Airplane was it ? Now I must go steal the song,,, I mean,,, borrow......
:)
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48 hour waiting periods on gun purchases are stupid. By the time I wait 48 hrs, I'm not angry anymore.
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There is one very important difference between a vulture and a mother-in-law. The vulture waits until you are dead.
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My father worked in profanity the way a great artist works in clay or oil paint.
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My father worked in profanity the way a great artist works in clay or oil paint.
"Deck the harrs with barrs of horry;
ra ra ra ra raaaa, ra raaa raaa raaa."
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My father worked in profanity the way a great artist works in clay or oil paint.
"Deck the harrs with barrs of horry;
ra ra ra ra raaaa, ra raaa raaa raaa."
He wasn't a bloody chinaman!
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I've just started reading a book called 'The Warmth and Humour of the German People'. Finished.
That's great! ;D
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Life is like a poo sandwich. The more bread you got, the less crap you eat.
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Red heifer - In Judaism, the red heifer (Hebrew:פרה אדומה; parah adumah) is a young cow that is sacrificed and whose ashes are used for the ritual purification of people who came into contact with a corpse. A heifer is a young cow before she has had her first calf.
(http://www.broadacresfarm.com/Beef/Red_Heifer_on_pasture_May2004.JPG)
The Red Heifer is not sacricied. It is just killed and burnt on The Mount of Olives.
The Red Heifer does sacricied in Bayit Rishon and Bayit Sheni .
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Life is like a hair on the side of the toilet bowl..........Sooner or later you get p*ssed off.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
No no no....muslim years are like doggie years, so when an arab says he's marrying a 21 year old he means she's 3.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
No no no....muslim years are like doggie years, so when an arab says he's marrying a 21 year old he means she's 3.
That's crazy. A 3 year old girl is way too young to marry. Any good Muslim knows, as the prophet, piss be upon him, proved, that 6 is the marrying age for a girl.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
No no no....muslim years are like doggie years, so when an arab says he's marrying a 21 year old he means she's 3.
That's crazy. A 3 year old girl is way too young to marry. Any good Muslim knows, as the prophet, piss be upon him, proved, that 6 is the marrying age for a girl.
Yes, but the moral of that story was that Mo' was incredibly kind in marrying someone who was over the hill.
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
No no no....muslim years are like doggie years, so when an arab says he's marrying a 21 year old he means she's 3.
That's crazy. A 3 year old girl is way too young to marry. Any good Muslim knows, as the prophet, piss be upon him, proved, that 6 is the marrying age for a girl.
Yes, but the moral of that story was that Mo' was incredibly kind in marrying someone who was over the hill.
Ah, I see now. What was his stance on marrying an embryo?
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I love traditional Scandinavian culture (not the current liberal form).. also love Scandinavian women. But their food sucks big time. Being used to Italian food, there's no comparison. But I still want a Nordic woman :D
Oh...I dunno. Those dark Meditteranean ones are nice.................... Until they hit 40 and weigh 300 lbs.
Hey hey hey.. that stereotype is long gone.. the weight gain starts at 50 now ;)
That's right, 50 is the new 40. Or is it 30? I'm not sure. Anyway, I know that 75 is the new 65. And 21 is the new 12. Unless of course you're a Muslim male, in which case 12 is the new 12 so you can enjoy your wife sexually.
No no no....muslim years are like doggie years, so when an arab says he's marrying a 21 year old he means she's 3.
That's crazy. A 3 year old girl is way too young to marry. Any good Muslim knows, as the prophet, piss be upon him, proved, that 6 is the marrying age for a girl.
Yes, but the moral of that story was that Mo' was incredibly kind in marrying someone who was over the hill.
Ah, I see now. What was his stance on marrying an embryo?
I'll have to check the koran, but I think they can marry a fetus if the father gives consent, but they can't consumate the marriage until the cord is cut.