Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic
athlete.
But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an
astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted
to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be
telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to
be president because she can't do anything else."
--Jay Leno
"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president
in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants
to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
--Jay Leno
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running
for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while
others hate it."
--Conan O'Brien
"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President
Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same
reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk."
--Jay Leno
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is
elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton
-- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
--Jay Leno
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay
for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but
still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at
least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine."
- -Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all
ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business
partners can vote for her in 2008."
--Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her
personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to
sleep with an intern."
Craig Kilborn
In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it
was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting
married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.
Then on page two, the trouble starts."
- - Jay Leno
"In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she
said "I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air. No, I'm sorry,
that's what Monica said."
- - David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she
has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of
the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed.
He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family."
- - David Letterman
"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new
home in Washington . People said it was a lot like the parties she used
to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same."
- - Jay Leno
"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his
campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise
made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush
spend the night on the couch."
- - Craig Kilborn
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America.
Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her
because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
- - Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York.
When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. . .the one
with only seven commandments."
--David Letterman
Topic: Hillaryisms - Funny (Read 2140 times)