I think that in an idealistic society, sex should NOT be done before marraige. Our society is so screwed up-Jewish and non Jewish. Being that it is that way and that most of us live in these societies, pre marital sex should be discouraged. However, speaking for men, sometimes, they need to get it out of their system in order to be a better husband...Or if possible, marry younger. Except our society doesn't allow the latter.
The problem here is that there way too much focus on sex and less focus on love. To many, it is SUCH A SIN to have pre-marital sex that it some will push their children to get married younger so that they dont' live or think in sin. However, it's NOT JUST about sex!!! It's unfortunate our society has become too sexified. It's either something awesome or great or a terrible sin. It's niether. It's a natural thing that is awesome and definately not a sin. But sex shouldn't just be sex...that's just for animals to do. We are humans with souls who understand and can learn love...and that's what it's about. If we can love a single person of the opposite sex and marry them, the sex makes sense...all the rest is really a waste of time and brain and soul.
But here's the clincher: How would I know this if I were still a virgin? How could I understand this if I stayed a virgin? In other words, sometimes, some people need to wander the desert for 40 years to appreciate the promised land, rather than go direct straight through. Sometimes eating from the Tree of Knowledge will enhance our brains to do right and know wrong...Things like that can create beautiful poetry and wonderful dreams.\
I shoudl add however, that the frustration of not doing it before marraige can also create beautiful poetry and wonderful dreams.