I think that in an idealistic society, sex should NOT be done before marraige. Our society is so screwed up-Jewish and non Jewish. Being that it is that way and that most of us live in these societies, pre marital sex should be discouraged. However, speaking for men, sometimes, they need to get it out of their system in order to be a better husband...Or if possible, marry younger. Except our society doesn't allow the latter.
The problem here is that there way too much focus on sex and less focus on love. To many, it is SUCH A SIN to have pre-marital sex that it some will push their children to get married younger so that they dont' live or think in sin. However, it's NOT JUST about sex!!! It's unfortunate our society has become too sexified. It's either something awesome or great or a terrible sin. It's niether. It's a natural thing that is awesome and definately not a sin. But sex shouldn't just be sex...that's just for animals to do. We are humans with souls who understand and can learn love...and that's what it's about. If we can love a single person of the opposite sex and marry them, the sex makes sense...all the rest is really a waste of time and brain and soul.
But here's the clincher: How would I know this if I were still a virgin? How could I understand this if I stayed a virgin? In other words, sometimes, some people need to wander the desert for 40 years to appreciate the promised land, rather than go direct straight through. Sometimes eating from the Tree of Knowledge will enhance our brains to do right and know wrong...Things like that can create beautiful poetry and wonderful dreams.\
I shoudl add however, that the frustration of not doing it before marraige can also create beautiful poetry and wonderful dreams.
Dr. Dan, the problem with all of the above is that this is all how the world
wants us to think. There is no reason why people need to sexually experiment in order to know themselves better, or prepare themselves for marriage. That is a cultural lie that comes straight from Satan. I guarantee you--check the divorce rate for people who were sexually involved prior to marriage and those who saved themselves.
It's really not too difficult for two virgins to be sexually aware and conscious while remaining pure. Two virgins can have frank and open discussions about the birds and the bees and gauge each other's needs/likes/dislikes long before marriage and use this to determine whether or not they are right for each other. All it takes is a willingness to share and make ourselves vulnerable before someone we are interested in.
It is so much harder to remain pure in this day and age than at any time before because our culture is so flooded and saturated with sex--billboards for strip clubs, everything on TV, everything in the movies, etc. It's difficult to completely abstain from the pop culture--or is it? You would be surprised at how much crap we willingly give access to. Maybe the answer to self-control is as easy as turning off the lame sitcoms.
Finally, Dan, I actually do think early marriage is an answer--heck, I wanted to marry at fifteen if you can get my drift.
Unfortunately, teens in our society cannot support themselves, and are not socially trained to have that kind of maturity at that age (whereas in most of human history, people have been heading households at fourteen or so). They certainly are capable of that kind of responsibility, but nobody cares to teach it to them. So, it's just an intriguing theory at this point (though I think probably a very effective one).
Chaimfan
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