My last post on this thread will be to quote from Psalms. This psalm reflects how I feel but doesnt relate exactly to this thread...
Tehillim 88
1. A song with musical accompaniment of the sons of Korah, for the conductor, about the sick and afflicted one, a maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.
2. O Lord, the G-d of my salvation! I cried by day; at night I was opposite You.
3. May my prayer come before You; extend Your ear to my supplication.
4. For my soul is sated with troubles, and my life has reached the grave.
5. I was counted with those who descend into the Pit; I was like a man without strength.
6. I am considered among the dead who are free, as the slain who lie in the grave, whom You no longer remember and who were cut off by Your hand.
7. You have put me into the lowest pit, into dark places, into depths.
8. Your wrath lies hard upon me, and [with] all Your waves You have afflicted [me] constantly.
9. You have estranged my friends from me; You have made me an abomination to them; [I am] imprisoned and cannot go out.
10. My eye has failed because of affliction; I have called You every day, I have spread out my palms to You.
11. Will You perform a wonder for the dead? Will the shades rise and thank You forever?
12. Will Your kindness be told in the grave, Your faith in destruction?
13. Will Your wonder be known in the darkness, or Your righteousness in the land of oblivion?
14. As for me, O Lord, I have cried out to You, and in the morning my prayer comes before You.
15. Why, O Lord, do You abandon my soul, do You hide Your countenance from me?
16. I am poor, and close to sudden death; I have borne Your fear, it is well-founded.
17. Your fires of wrath have passed over me; Your terrors have cut me off.
18. They surround me like water all the day; they encompass me together.
19. You have estranged from me lover and friend; my acquaintances are in a place of darkness.