Why Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs (hilarious)

[The One and Only Mo]

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'
all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to
copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes
first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my
own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in
football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman
Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm
going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is
beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
alphabetically by height.." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three,
and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would
anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three
years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps
a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget
how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock
in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining
to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an
aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told
him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,
'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like
you're spending too much time on one subject.."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my
left or right, I am amphibious.

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by
Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips
responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

[Confederate Kahanist]

Unfortunately similar people of a certain skin color do have jobs.

[Rubystars]

If you've ever seen an episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire that's a celebrity athlete version, notice that the questions are all dimmed down substantially.