I would like everyone's opinion about a serious personal issue

[Allen-T]

What's the problem they have with your wife........race, ethnicity, religion?

My mom loves my wife. My father hates me because of jealousy so he just extends that to her. My wife is a college graduate and an educator. My mom just stayed at home. My wife has undone in me alot of damage they created. I am no longer aimless, without ambition, wasteful & self-indulgent. My parents would never lift a finger to help a stranger. Virtually without exception there have been dozens upon dozens of situations over the years where my parents said...."It's like this" and I would look at the situation and say, "No, It's like this and this is why" and I am ALWAYS right, the outcome is ALWAYS as I predicted. So to my father I am just a "know-it-all". Mind you I have never been arrogant about it, it's always been offered to them out of concern for them.

[Allen-T]

I am very sorry allen-t, maybe you should call the police to your parents house to do a welfare check.

I don't believe my brother is physically harming them. They wouldn't be of use to him beaten up. Every attempt on my part to intervene always ends with me being the bad guy. And they will swear that my brother is just wonderful, and he's moving out soon.

[cjd]

Sorry to hear you have such a problem there. The best thing you could do in my opinion is to avoid seeing your brother at all for now. Have your mom over to your place or go out somewhere now and then and even extend an invitation to your pop. I know from what you say he has not acted wonderfully toward your wife and you however some time together that does not have the pressure of your brothers presence may possibly change things. Problems like this are very hard on parents because they are in a situation often that is hard to change. Yes they could toss your brother out but then they would have that on their mind if he really had no place to go. Possibly they stick up for him because they have to live with him 24- 7 and just don't want to hear him complain or argue with him. You seem to be a person who wants to keep a relationship open with your parents so just avoiding the whole situation is not a preferable option. Have your parents over  plan a day that includes activities that your parents like avoid any talk of your brother at all. If you can, show your pop all the money that can be made reselling collectable records which is also great hobby. Above all avoid going over to your parents home unless you know your brother is going to be out for the whole time you are there. With each argument the divide only increases between you and your parents. From the sounds of it you have a great wife and between the two of you you may be able to get this situation resolved with your parents.

[Allen-T]

Thanks to everyone for the great responses so far, please keep them coming, if I didn't respond to you yet, please be patient, I have to figure out why my video software is not working properly, this could take all day. Shalom!

[newman]

What's the problem they have with your wife........race, ethnicity, religion?

My mom loves my wife. My father hates me because of jealousy so he just extends that to her. My wife is a college graduate and an educater. My mom just stayed at home. My wife has undone in me alot of damage they created. I am no longer aimless, without ambition, wasteful & self-indulgent. My parents would never lift a finger to help a stranger. Virtually without exception there have been dozens upon dozens of situations over the years where my parents said...."It's like this" and I would look at the situation and say, "No, It's like this and this is why" and I am ALWAYS right, the outcome is ALWAYS as I predicted. So to my father I am just a "know-it-all". Mind you I have never been arrogant about it, it's always been offered to them out of concern for them.

Big Al,

Stand by your wife. Firstly, she's more deserving and secondly you have to live with her..... not your folks or brother. Besides, when your an old wreck with heamohroids and a walking frame it's your wife that will comfort you. The other lot will be dead. Jews may have to honour their folks no matter how silly they get, we gentiles don't.

[Allen-T]

Sorry to hear you have such a problem there. The best thing you could do in my opinion is to avoid seeing your brother at all for now. Have your mom over to your place or go out somewhere now and then and even extend an invitation to your pop. I know from what you say he has not acted wonderfully toward your wife and you however some time together that does not have the pressure of your brothers presence may possibly change things. Problems like this are very hard on parents because they are in a situation often that is hard to change. Yes they could toss your brother out but then they would have that on their mind if he really had no place to go. Possibly they stick up for him because they have to live with him 24- 7 and just don't want to hear him complain or argue with him. You seem to be a person who wants to keep a relationship open with your parents so just avoiding the whole situation is not a preferable option. Have your parents over  plan a day that includes activities that your parents like avoid any talk of your brother at all. If you can, show your pop all the money that can be made reselling collectable records which is also great hobby. Above all avoid going over to your parents home unless you know your brother is going to be out for the whole time you are there. With each argument the divide only increases between you and your parents. From the sounds of it you have a great wife and between the two of you you may be able to get this situation resolved with your parents.

What my father knows about what I do selling records infuriates him. He sees it has making alot of money for not really working. This is not an uncommon attitude towards us record dealers. People think these rarities just fall in our hands everytime we pass a Salvation Army thrift store and we unscruplously put guns to peoples heads and say "buy this for $50 or else". I have been filling my brian with information about records and music since I was a child, and digging for such gold is very time consuming, everybody thinks their records are in "Perfect condition", yet when you drive an hour to check them out they are scratched junk, etc. No, my father would like me more if I was a total loser working a minimum wage job and piled high with debt. My father had a great job with a major airline and would never get me a job there the whole time I was growing up. He clearly demonstrated over time he did not want me doing better than him.    

[Allen-T]

What's the problem they have with your wife........race, ethnicity, religion?

My mom loves my wife. My father hates me because of jealousy so he just extends that to her. My wife is a college graduate and an educater. My mom just stayed at home. My wife has undone in me alot of damage they created. I am no longer aimless, without ambition, wasteful & self-indulgent. My parents would never lift a finger to help a stranger. Virtually without exception there have been dozens upon dozens of situations over the years where my parents said...."It's like this" and I would look at the situation and say, "No, It's like this and this is why" and I am ALWAYS right, the outcome is ALWAYS as I predicted. So to my father I am just a "know-it-all". Mind you I have never been arrogant about it, it's always been offered to them out of concern for them.

Big Al,

Stand by your wife. Firstly, she's more deserving and secondly you have to live with her..... not your folks or brother. Besides, when your an old wreck with heamohroids and a walking frame it's your wife that will comfort you. The other lot will be dead. Jews may have to honour their folks no matter how silly they get, we gentiles don't.

I believe there are verses in the Bible about honoring your parents that apply to Jew and Christian. 

[nessuno]

I think CJD is right.  Allen-T feels a need to have a relationship with his parents - because he is a kind human being.  It has nothing to do with being  Jewish or Gentile.
I think it is amazing that you guys rent a car just  so that you can spend time with your Mom.
You are extremely luck to have such an understanding wife.  Take strength and your cues on dealing with your family from her.     
Sometimes you just have to take what people can give and not beat yourself up over the fact that they can't give more.
Their problems are not with you - it is with the situation that they live in and choices they have made - but you probably feel the brunt of their frustration.

Good Luck fixing your software!

[newman]

What's the problem they have with your wife........race, ethnicity, religion?

My mom loves my wife. My father hates me because of jealousy so he just extends that to her. My wife is a college graduate and an educater. My mom just stayed at home. My wife has undone in me alot of damage they created. I am no longer aimless, without ambition, wasteful & self-indulgent. My parents would never lift a finger to help a stranger. Virtually without exception there have been dozens upon dozens of situations over the years where my parents said...."It's like this" and I would look at the situation and say, "No, It's like this and this is why" and I am ALWAYS right, the outcome is ALWAYS as I predicted. So to my father I am just a "know-it-all". Mind you I have never been arrogant about it, it's always been offered to them out of concern for them.

Big Al,

Stand by your wife. Firstly, she's more deserving and secondly you have to live with her..... not your folks or brother. Besides, when your an old wreck with heamohroids and a walking frame it's your wife that will comfort you. The other lot will be dead. Jews may have to honour their folks no matter how silly they get, we gentiles don't.

I believe there are verses in the Bible about honoring your parents that apply to Jew and Christian. 

Honouring parents is NOT one of the seven laws of Noah. That's not to say gentileshould dishonour their folks, but we're not bound to. Indeed we can take it onboard as an additional mitzva and get extra blessings.

The reason it only applies to jews is because jews have jewish parents. Righteous gentiles could have parents who were still pagan. If parents of christians or noachides asked them to make an offering to a pagan god they (the kids) would have conflicting obligations.

[cjd]

Sorry to hear you have such a problem there. The best thing you could do in my opinion is to avoid seeing your brother at all for now. Have your mom over to your place or go out somewhere now and then and even extend an invitation to your pop. I know from what you say he has not acted wonderfully toward your wife and you however some time together that does not have the pressure of your brothers presence may possibly change things. Problems like this are very hard on parents because they are in a situation often that is hard to change. Yes they could toss your brother out but then they would have that on their mind if he really had no place to go. Possibly they stick up for him because they have to live with him 24- 7 and just don't want to hear him complain or argue with him. You seem to be a person who wants to keep a relationship open with your parents so just avoiding the whole situation is not a preferable option. Have your parents over  plan a day that includes activities that your parents like avoid any talk of your brother at all. If you can, show your pop all the money that can be made reselling collectable records which is also great hobby. Above all avoid going over to your parents home unless you know your brother is going to be out for the whole time you are there. With each argument the divide only increases between you and your parents. From the sounds of it you have a great wife and between the two of you you may be able to get this situation resolved with your parents.

What my father knows about what I do selling records infuriates him. He sees it has making alot of money for not really working. This is not an uncommon attitude towards us record dealers. People think these rarities just fall in our hands everytime we pass a Salvation Army thrift store and we unscruplously put guns to peoples heads and say "buy this for $50 or else". I have been filling my brian with information about records and music since I was a child, and digging for such gold is very time consuming, everybody thinks their records are in "Perfect condition", yet when you drive an hour to check them out they are scratched junk, etc. No, my father would like me more if I was a total loser working a minimum wage job and piled high with debt. My father had a great job with a major airline and would never get me a job there the whole time I was growing up. He clearly demonstrated over time he did not want me doing better than him.     

Record collecting and dealing is quite a bit of work. I use to collect records some years ago before they started to re-release a lot of the stuff I like on Cd's. Not to resell but to have. I still remember flipping through the piles of old records at thrift and junk shops and afterwards having the worst reactions to the dust and mold this stuff had on it from not being stored in the best conditions. Record dealing is as respectable a business as any other if people are willing to pay for something it must mean its worth the price they are paying. Its to bad the way you pop views things and also about him not getting you into the airlines. Until recently and still in some cases  they are very good jobs. At any rate thank G-d you have your wife and you have made your way on your own.

[Allen-T]

I've spent the last 10 minutes pondering on how to respond. Here it goes.  You asked for opinions and I'm going to give mine. You can not change your parents minds. If they want to enable the nazi and be taken advantage of, there is nothing you can do about it.You are crap out of luck on this. If I were you , I would simply stay away from your brother. Love your parents,and keep in touch with them.

Some would say "love" will bring your brother around. I'm a Christian, but I believe that he has made his bed, let him lay in it. I don't have to hate the person, I just don't want to be around them or associate with them. On a personal level if my Son decided to be a nazi, i'd run him out of the house, with his clothes packed in a suitcase.

You are in a tough situation, as is your family. Stand your ground and keep your principles. Even if it means the loss of a brother, that in my opinion, is not much of a brother or a family member in the first place.

Don't cause your self more grief, by dealing with a situation that you have no control over. Best of wishes to you and yours, I wish the best for you and yours.

You've articulated my sentiments about my brother perfectly. Thanks, Mosquewatch.

[Allen-T]

Allen-T, I think you should separate your relationship to your brother from your relationship to your parents. Your brother sounds like a piece of work. I am very sorry for you and for your wife, who sounds like a wonderful and worthy lady, to have been exposed to this. But parents cannot choose between their children. In my opinion, you should not involve them in your dispute with your brother - neither appeal to them to intervene, nor give them ultimatums (even though you are the good person in the situation and he is the bad one, of which there is no doubt).

I think you should tell your parents that, given that your brother still lives with them and you cannot stand him nor countenance his views, you can no longer meet with them on their territory. You regret this very much, but this is how it is. But this should not prevent you from seeing them anyway - taking them out for outings and entertaining them in your home. I also believe that you should start talking with your father again and include him in the plans you make with your mother. It is right and proper if you tell him that you find his lack of support of you and your wife very hurtful. He should be made aware of your feelings on these issues in no uncertain terms. But even though he was clearly in the wrong, you should not shut him out of your life. Life is very short, and parents are parents. We owe them a debt of gratitude. It is not uncommon that adult children have conflicts with parents and even serious ideological disagreements. But what can you do? Such is life. 

Thanks for your comments. I am waiting while my video software re-installs, I hope this corrects the problem. Anyway, I don't think it's so much to expect my father to demand that my brother leave the house one weekend a month. I really enjoy my parents place and so does my wife. I am also finding it nearly impossible to deal with the fact that when presented with the details about what my brother wrote about my wife on the internet, my father had no reaction. NOTHING. His only concern was a few pictures of their cat that I used in a video about my brother!! 

[Allen-T]

I think CJD is right.  Allen-T feels a need to have a relationship with his parents - because he is a kind human being.  It has nothing to do with being  Jewish or Gentile.
I think it is amazing that you guys rent a car just  so that you can spend time with your Mom.
You are extremely luck to have such an understanding wife.  Take strength and your cues on dealing with your family from her.     
Sometimes you just have to take what people can give and not beat yourself up over the fact that they can't give more.
Their problems are not with you - it is with the situation that they live in and choices they have made - but you probably feel the brunt of their frustration.

Good Luck fixing your software!

Thank God it seems a simple re-installation did the trick, I got the work for today done without problems. Yes, I don't deserve my wife, she is great and I suck . Sometimes I think she is extreme in ways, for example she has an absolutely dreadful father, I can't deal with him, but she troops off once a week to visit him, takes all his insults, his evil speak about me, etc. She believes that honor your parents is very serious, and I do also but we have different interpretations of what honor means in certain situations. I don't agree that one should subject themselves to constant verbal abuse, but she does. I haven't seen him since Christmas morning 3 years ago when after only 10 minutes being there he started his BS about what a loser I am, etc. Europeans tend to make more out of Christmas Eve than Christmas Day, so the routine was usually that she visits him on the eve, I spend it with my son, than we meet on Christmas Day and go to my parents house. My son spends the day with his mom, it's all good. This past year though because of this issue with my brother, and also my son went out of town to visit some other relatives, I was all alone on Christmas eve, and let me tell you, I had a BLAST! I hung around Greenwich Village hit some pubs, then hit some record shops, ran into someone I hadn't seen in 15 years that used to work in a record shop there and now owns 2, we enjoyed talking about old times, etc. I went for dinner at the Slaughtered Lamb, enjoyed more beer and then went to Subterranean Records, which is in a basement, where I met a bunch of really cool people that were just hanging out playing a really eclectic mix of music, everything from Kate Bush to KISS to Nina Hagen to Nico,etc. I hung with them, the guy hooked me up with good prices on some vintage Fleetwood Mac & Cheap Trick Bootlegs, and I went home very happy!! God is good.    

[Joe Schmo]

Allen:

I'd simply ignore him.  Keep in touch with your parents and explain to them that you love your brother, but the two of you simply cannot get along.  Instead of getting into fights and shouting matches, take the moral highground.  

Scriabin

[Allen-T]

I don't have much time as I am very busy with some last minute preparations but I'll try to squeeze this in. Forgive me if it is too brief. The Rabbis asked who can we learn how to honor ones parents? They give a name of a Greek righteous gentile, where just ONE of the things that he did was when he was sitting in the council of the elders, donned in fine clothing and talking about high stature stuff, his mother came in. She slapped him, called him names, spat in his face, and tore his beautiful clothes in front of everyone. She embarrassed and humiliated him. And what did this man do in response? Nothing. All he said was, calmly, "Enough, mother."

My point is that whether we like it or not, there is a great zchut (merit) in tolerating the type of BS that you are dealing with your parents. You cannot change them; they are too old for that. I believe that there is no sense in arguing with them, or proving a point to them. They think what they think and act the way they act; it's sad, but our Rabbis tell us that in terms of the home, G-d desires shalom (peace) over tzedeq (justice). Don't try to win the battle with them; as long as you remain respectful and try not to outwardly contradict your father, G-d is watching, and He will bless you for it. Mend the fences; you have no idea what a good feeling it will be. In fact, King Solomon has said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." And it is soooo true.

Now in reference to your brother, he is a piece of excrement. He is obviously a very jealous and selfish person, who has problems of his own, and he bashes you and your wife, which is unacceptable. You don't have to mend fences with him. If possible, when you visit your parents, ask him to stay in his room. If otherwise, just ignore him and hold your tongue. I'm sorry to keep talking about Jewish stuff here but I believe it has a lot of wisdom, because I know that you are a very righteous person, who has given G-d a big kiss by sacrificing much to help the Jewish People. You are doing a lot for the sake of Heaven, so you should know this. The Vilna Gaon says that when a person withholds juicy speech, whether it be gossip, bragging, anger, even to prove a point, even when you're right, a Light shines down on him from Heaven that even the angels can't stand.

So in this situation of yours, realize Who you are working for. Don't get caught up in these mundane things. It will destroy you. When you understand that you are doing everything, even in your hardest moments, for the sake of Heaven, you'll be a lot more relaxed on this difficult issue.

I remember when I was secular, I was quite scared of the White Supremacist sites and forums. I thought that maybe they were right in some ways, maybe they were right about Judaism, maybe they had something going. Now, I just laugh at them. They are inferior beings below the level of the apes, and I realized in becomming more religious that they are opposed to Judaism itself, because they can't stand being told what to do. Nazis can't stand  consience or morality. As sung in the Hilter Youth song, "We are the joyous Hitler youth, We do not need any Christian virtue, Our leader is our savior, The Pope and Rabbi shall be gone, We want to be pagans once again." What is the difference between you and your family? They are wrong and you are right.

Thanks for the very sound advice. Please, never apologise for citing Jewish references, I hold them close to my heart as well. My wife is a great lover of the Tanach. She knows all those stories inside out, whenever I am stumped about something in the Tanach, she almost always has the answer.       

[Daniel]

Sounds like a very tough and complicated situation. It sounds way too involved for any of us to give any type of good advice or solutions. It sounds like the type of thing that would be good to talk about with a professional counselor.

What exactly does your brother do that makes him a neo-nazi?

Curses Jews, praises Hitler, keeps Mein Kampf and the Bible side by side, says my support of JTF is actually me wanting to have anal sex with Jews. do I go on?

Goodness! How is it that two brothers end up going to opposite ends of the extreme? Anal sex with Jews? That would almost be comical if it wasn't so tragic. Sorry you have to deal with all this. I don't know if there's anything you can do about him. I think you just need to figure out how to relate to your parents while keeping your distance from him as much as possible.

[Allen-T]

Sounds like a very tough and complicated situation. It sounds way too involved for any of us to give any type of good advice or solutions. It sounds like the type of thing that would be good to talk about with a professional counselor.

What exactly does your brother do that makes him a neo-nazi?

Curses Jews, praises Hitler, keeps Mein Kampf and the Bible side by side, says my support of JTF is actually me wanting to have anal sex with Jews. do I go on?

Goodness! How is it that two brothers end up going to opposite ends of the extreme? Anal sex with Jews? That would almost be comical if it wasn't so tragic. Sorry you have to deal with all this. I don't know if there's anything you can do about him. I think you just need to figure out how to relate to your parents while keeping your distance from him as much as possible.

It's Cain and Abel. An old but sad story.

[newman]

Sounds like a very tough and complicated situation. It sounds way too involved for any of us to give any type of good advice or solutions. It sounds like the type of thing that would be good to talk about with a professional counselor.

What exactly does your brother do that makes him a neo-nazi?

Curses Jews, praises Hitler, keeps Mein Kampf and the Bible side by side, says my support of JTF is actually me wanting to have anal sex with Jews. do I go on?

Goodness! How is it that two brothers end up going to opposite ends of the extreme? Anal sex with Jews? That would almost be comical if it wasn't so tragic. Sorry you have to deal with all this. I don't know if there's anything you can do about him. I think you just need to figure out how to relate to your parents while keeping your distance from him as much as possible.

It's Cain and Abel. An old but sad story.

He's bonkers! No christian Zionist or noachide would violate a Jew or Jewess in any cavity out of fear of G_d. Sounds like a twisted nazi black helicopter thing.

[Sarah]

What's the problem they have with your wife........race, ethnicity, religion?

My mom loves my wife. My father hates me because of jealousy so he just extends that to her. My wife is a college graduate and an educater. My mom just stayed at home. My wife has undone in me alot of damage they created. I am no longer aimless, without ambition, wasteful & self-indulgent. My parents would never lift a finger to help a stranger. Virtually without exception there have been dozens upon dozens of situations over the years where my parents said...."It's like this" and I would look at the situation and say, "No, It's like this and this is why" and I am ALWAYS right, the outcome is ALWAYS as I predicted. So to my father I am just a "know-it-all". Mind you I have never been arrogant about it, it's always been offered to them out of concern for them.

Big Al,

Stand by your wife. Firstly, she's more deserving and secondly you have to live with her..... not your folks or brother. Besides, when your an old wreck with heamohroids and a walking frame it's your wife that will comfort you. The other lot will be dead. Jews may have to honour their folks no matter how silly they get, we gentiles don't.

I believe there are verses in the Bible about honoring your parents that apply to Jew and Christian. 

Honouring parents is NOT one of the seven laws of Noah. That's not to say gentileshould dishonour their folks, but we're not bound to. Indeed we can take it onboard as an additional mitzva and get extra blessings.

The reason it only applies to jews is because jews have jewish parents. Righteous gentiles could have parents who were still pagan. If parents of christians or noachides asked them to make an offering to a pagan G-d they (the kids) would have conflicting obligations.

Is it ones of the ten commandments then?

[Daniel]

Sounds like a very tough and complicated situation. It sounds way too involved for any of us to give any type of good advice or solutions. It sounds like the type of thing that would be good to talk about with a professional counselor.

What exactly does your brother do that makes him a neo-nazi?

Curses Jews, praises Hitler, keeps Mein Kampf and the Bible side by side, says my support of JTF is actually me wanting to have anal sex with Jews. do I go on?

Goodness! How is it that two brothers end up going to opposite ends of the extreme? Anal sex with Jews? That would almost be comical if it wasn't so tragic. Sorry you have to deal with all this. I don't know if there's anything you can do about him. I think you just need to figure out how to relate to your parents while keeping your distance from him as much as possible.

It's Cain and Abel. An old but sad story.

Yes, this certainly sounds like one brother who you don't need to be his keeper.