You said that you need criticism, so I'll give you some.
Let me preface this with the statement that you did ten times better than I would've done but you said ummm and uhhh far too much.
It's one the hardest things to do when speaking publicly but If you can get rid of the uhhhs and ummms, nothing can stop you as a speaker.
Rav Kahane would actually studder sometimes but the times when you remember his speaking is when he had no ummms and uhhhs.