Rant from a Jewish Dating Woman

[fibrogirl]

O.K I know I am not going to find anyone here but I am writing this because I feel like a rant.

I'm a 38 years old woman, disabled with fibromyalgia in that I can not walk a lot and am not physcially able enough to work. However I am financially stable and but more importantly, I have a good head on my shoulders, loyal, fun  and can be good company to someone. I want a man who is nice looking, decent character and that I can get on with and have chemistry with. That is it.

You would not believe how hard it  is for older women in Israel once they reach 35. I had too many health problems to date in my 20's. My early 30's did not want to date and did not feel ready for marriage emotionally. From 35 onwards my health improved a bit and only then was well enough to start dating but of course the moment you hit 34-5 all your prospects diminish rapidly. People should warn younger girls of this instead of society promoting the  career woman nonsense.
The Israeli men look like they have been hit by a truck the moment they hit 50or sometimes earlier, at 40. because of the harsh sun and lifestyle. While American and European men can look quite nice at that age.

The biggest thing against me is my feeling over the lack of control of the language, Israeli culture and of course my disability.

And so I read here of all the frustrated young men talking about the money mad, and academic searching young Jewish women, and while I agree and identify with you 100% (I saw this as a youth in England), please know you are not alone suffering this frustration.

I joined a disabled dating website in Hebrew. Putting aside the dubious pleasures of  navigating cranky websites in Hebrew, I have had to enjoy:

- men in all their glory posing half naked complete with beer bellies, burnt skin.

-  unupdated profiles of healthy men on disabled websites emailing me without their photo with me wondering if they just out for sex. (Why do healthy men join disabled dating websites? does anyone know?)

-A religious man asking me first thing if I keep "mizvah ha negiyah" and "Nediyot" or whatever that mitzvah involving women and periods is. While I am very open to shomer mitzvot,  and have dated a religious man before, I was brought up completely secular,  even in my ignorant state it is seems horribly over personal to ask that as the first question to a woman you have never met.

-A man who looked like a gargoyle asking me to go home with him on the first date and then leaning over and kissing me. I got away quickly.

There are only 2 more dating Israeli disabled websites. One is not working and admin won't talk to me.
So that leaves just 1 left to try. My parents are nagging me to go to a Shadchan and the last Shadchanim I met were just repulsive characters  .

I am fed up.

Rant Over

[Zelhar]

Maybe you should try the general dating sites rather then the specialty one for disabled people?

In parallel, you can try the old fashion offline way- have your friends fix you up with a date, join a hobby group etc...

I don't know why women are supposed to have tougher time finding a suitable date, at least the online way, usually there are way more guys then girls, so the supply and demand should work in your favor.

[Lisa]

Hi Fibrogirl,

I totally understand where you're coming from.  And I'm much older than you.  I often feel like a hopeless case.  I've had some bad experiences on Jdate as well. 

[fibrogirl]

Thank you Lisa. You have voiced exactly how I feel. I often feel like a hopeless case too.

Zelhar: I don't know what age you are, but in Israel I think the women outnumber the men.
Perhaps it is because single Israeli men are more likely to emigrate abroad than single women(?).

I already tried going out to events with non disabled men, but had no luck.

I decided for a change to maybe try my first disabled singles Purim event, if I am well enough on the day. Unfortunately it is very long car/bus ride away

One thing that strikes me on the dating sites and general about Israeli men  compared to American and European men (both Jewish and non Jewish) is that the men here do nothing to improve their appearance the moment they hit age 40. 

For example on my 2 dating sites I have seen a massive number of men having unflattering photos taken in t-shirts/ugly vests. If you a man reading this, please try to wear a decent shirt or at least look the best you can if you ever upload a photo on those sites. 

[Zelhar]

I am 34. There are man that "let go" with their appearance just like there are women who do, on the other end of the scale are those who obsess about aging (including myself I suppose). Look fibrogirl the cast majority of men are a no match that's normal, you should just sort through the data and find the few potential matches.

[Lisa]

From what I've seen, many American Jewish men tend to let themselves go after the age of 40.  Another thing that quite a few of them do is they post pictures of themselves when they were 10 years younger as their main photo.  It's only when you look through the additional photos that you see a current photo of them. 

So if any of you guys here are posting on dating sites, please post current pictures of yourself looking as neatly put together as possible. 

[NuclearKindness]

O.K I know I am not going to find anyone here but I am writing this because I feel like a rant.

I'm a 38 years old woman, disabled with fibromyalgia in that I can not walk a lot and am not physcially able enough to work. However I am financially stable and but more importantly, I have a good head on my shoulders, loyal, fun  and can be good company to someone. I want a man who is nice looking, decent character and that I can get on with and have chemistry with. That is it.

You would not believe how hard it  is for older women in Israel once they reach 35. I had too many health problems to date in my 20's. My early 30's did not want to date and did not feel ready for marriage emotionally. From 35 onwards my health improved a bit and only then was well enough to start dating but of course the moment you hit 34-5 all your prospects diminish rapidly. People should warn younger girls of this instead of society promoting the  career woman nonsense.
The Israeli men look like they have been hit by a truck the moment they hit 50or sometimes earlier, at 40. because of the harsh sun and lifestyle. While American and European men can look quite nice at that age.

The biggest thing against me is my feeling over the lack of control of the language, Israeli culture and of course my disability.

And so I read here of all the frustrated young men talking about the money mad, and academic searching young Jewish women, and while I agree and identify with you 100% (I saw this as a youth in England), please know you are not alone suffering this frustration.

I joined a disabled dating website in Hebrew. Putting aside the dubious pleasures of  navigating cranky websites in Hebrew, I have had to enjoy:

- men in all their glory posing half naked complete with beer bellies, burnt skin.

-  unupdated profiles of healthy men on disabled websites emailing me without their photo with me wondering if they just out for sex. (Why do healthy men join disabled dating websites? does anyone know?)

-A religious man asking me first thing if I keep "mizvah ha negiyah" and "Nediyot" or whatever that mitzvah involving women and periods is. While I am very open to shomer mitzvot,  and have dated a religious man before, I was brought up completely secular,  even in my ignorant state it is seems horribly over personal to ask that as the first question to a woman you have never met.

-A man who looked like a gargoyle asking me to go home with him on the first date and then leaning over and kissing me. I got away quickly.

There are only 2 more dating Israeli disabled websites. One is not working and admin won't talk to me.
So that leaves just 1 left to try. My parents are nagging me to go to a Shadchan and the last Shadchanim I met were just repulsive characters  .

I am fed up.

Rant Over

Thats intense. There are lots of Jewish singles groups on facebook that might help.