Author Topic: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You  (Read 15240 times)

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Offline jdl4ever

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Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« on: November 11, 2007, 01:49:10 AM »
Well, I'm not married yet, but I think I can help.

1.  You are not stable.  Women want someone who is stable and they can rely upon.  For example, someone who says "I'm going to be religious when I get married but am not religious now".  This is someone who is not stable, and Jewish women run away from such people since they are not stable.  Another example of someone who is not stable is if you claim that "I'm going to make Aliyah" but have not made Aliyah yet.  Women want you to be settled in one country and settled religiously as well.  Although for Aliyah, there are women who also want to make Aliyah so this is not as big of an impediment as the first one.

2.  You are not making any money or have no job.  Women want people who have financial prospects, obviously.  They want you to have a job making money, or at least very close to getting a job like a medical student, or law student.  If you have no financial prospects, women will not like you.

3.  You have no clue what you want to do with your life.  This speaks for itself.  Women want men who are confident and have a clear logical plan for settling down and enjoying life.  They run away from uncertainty. 
 
4.  You're aiming to high.  The woman and you must match up religiously.  If you are traditional, you should date a traditional girl.  Don't try to date a religious girl if you are not religious, it won't work out.  If you are modern orthodox like me, don't try to date Yeshivish type girls or Chassidish girls, they all probably won't work out, with rare exceptions like if the family is modern orthodox.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2007, 01:54:33 AM by jdl4ever »
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Kiwi

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2007, 03:00:19 AM »
I totally agree with the top 4, but I would add, number one reason would be the guy has a bad attitude towards women.

Offline Dr. Dan

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2007, 07:58:35 AM »
One can admire the Lubavitcher Rebbe without being a follower of the Chabad minhag. The question is whether you want to raise your kids in this way, or are you looking to be simply a Torah-observing Jew (I'm aware there are many variations of this, but it's not the point of my statement). I think it is important to know these things.

Makes sense! Well, I would love to stay within Chabad, marry in and have children in and so on. But I don't want to say it is my only possibility. I am open to finding a true and wonderful Torah-observant Jewish man even if he's not a Lubavitcher. I don't favor one over the other because...(sigh I don't want to say it) as a converted woman I can't chose to be picky. My only requirement and priority is that he must be Jewish and observant- any thing else would be great but again, I can't be picky at all. I've come to terms with it-and accepted it.


DAMN! too bad i'm not observant...
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Offline Tzvi Ben Roshel1

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2007, 10:20:18 PM »

2.  You are not making any money or have no job.  Women want people who have financial prospects, obviously.  They want you to have a job making money, or at least very close to getting a job like a medical student, or law student.  If you have no financial prospects, women will not like you.


thats my problem.

What you said about #4, im not sure. Dont know about other communities but for mine its different.proportionally speaking the girls are much more religious then guys. Also the guys are basically allowed to do anything they want but girls are resticted by their fathers (the good families at least). I actually have an advantage in this area, but anyway their are religious (somewhat) girls who date for marriage with less observent guys and then they do change some, at least in starting to keep Shabb-t, and have Shabb-t together as a family.
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‏119:139 צִמְּתַתְנִי קִנְאָתִי כִּישָׁכְחוּ דְבָרֶיךָ צָרָי
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 I am young and despised; I have not forgotten Your precepts.

" A fool does not realize, and an unwise person does not understand this (i.e. the following:) When the wicked bloom like grass, and the evildoers blossom (i.e. when they seem extremly successful), it is to destroy them forever (i.e. they are rewarded for their few good deeds in this World, and they will have no portion in the World to Come!)

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Offline Shlomo

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2007, 02:51:52 AM »
I would like to chime in my 2 cents worth. Unfortunately, I wasn't always religious and, in the past, I made a lot of mistakes and sins with women. I'm not proud of it but I know what works and what doesn't and that information has helped me profoundly. I thank G-d for helping me and teaching me. I'd like to pass just a tiny bit of it on.

1. Positive vs. Negative

If a person is overly negative, they will drive the opposite sex far from them. The relationship between a man and women is NOT the same as your best buddy, coworker, or pet - and never will be. "Be thankful for the good things that you've got" or be positive about what Hashem has blessed you with. People forget that the inner drive for a relationship is to escape the daily grind and negativity and feel acceptance and partnership with another. This also includes speaking about someone behind their back or negative things about others (lashon hora).

2. Strength (Self Control)

This doesn't mean the ability to lift weights (not that it doesn't help a guy). This means self control - inner strength. No one respects a person who can't control their temper, behavior, activities, or emotions. A person who has no self control will live a lonely life. Self control could have stopped the mistakes of Adam and Eve. Discipline is necessary for a successful life - not just a successful relationship. I would like to add (and this is important) that strength is also knowing when to say yes or no. A person that always says yes (which can't be honest) comes off insecure and weak. A person who always says no is a jerk. Also, putting pressure on someone to do what you want because you supposedly "need" (lack of self control) is destructive. It's also the opposite of respect.

3. Consistency

This is a no brainer but it's so simple that it's often overlooked. A person who flaky, dishonest, late all the time, or who doesn't keep their word is doomed for failure in relationships. A consistent person is reliable and responsible. We naturally want consistent people for partners - and for obvious reasons. Who wants to raise children with someone who's not reliable? Consistency with emotional behavior is part of this.

4. Confident

No one likes a needy, whiney, or insecure person when looking for a potential mate. How many guys buy women expensive gifts on the first few dates? You know what this says? It says "I'm not good enough on my own... I feel like I need to be manipulative and buy this person's affection" - whether it's intended that way or not! Buying gifts or expensive dates are never a good idea in the beginning. Save that for your spouse and get married for the right reasons. How many men have gone overboard on money and then <u>blamed</u> the female for being materialistic? And how many women have dressed immodestly only to attract the wrong kind of guy? Doing these things is never a good idea. Jealousy is also not confident.

5. Challenge

People really don't like this one. Massuh was correct. People want what they can't have. The notion of romantic love is really a desire or longing for something that isn't readily available. To prove my point, the more distant, forbidden, or persecuted a relationship... the more romantic it becomes. You have to give the other person the <u>gift of missing you</u> sometimes. This means having hobbies or goals instead of making another person your entire existence (idolatry) - which in turn makes you a more interesting person. Challenge does not mean cruelty or to cause someone to suffer. It simply means to be just a little bit aloof and have your own goals and hobbies. I would like to add that calling a person every 10 minutes is extremely anti-challenge and will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

6. Mysterious

Look... if someone knows every last detail of your life, every insecurity you ever felt, and every thought that you have... then what is there left to explore? Hollywood sold people a bunch of crap. You have to be careful when talking about yourself. The best path is always humility. Going on and on and bragging also says your insecure and that you need stories to validate your worth. If men knew how intuitive women are, they wouldn't brag and make up whoppers. We say much more with our actions and we should remind ourselves that we don't need to tell our life drama... save that for your buddies (and keep it positive with your relationship). This is why King David was much closer to Jonathan than any women. King David knew that a romantic relationship is much different than a friendship with the same sex.

7. Kindness

Fighting should RARELY (if ever) happen within the first 2 years of a relationship. This takes self control. Keeping calm and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is vital to any relationship. This doesn't mean you can't disagree... but nothing can destroy a relationship faster than being pushy, jealous, angry, hateful, or argumentative. Remember that romantic relationships are partially based on ego (no one wants a loser - we want the best we can get). If you attack the other person's ego, you hurt the relationship. Walking away is much better than a fight you have to hear about for 20 years. I would like to add that being a gentleman is a good example of respectful kindness.

8. Patience

For some reason, there are those that think they can force someone to love them (or love them more). This is absurd and is liberal thinking. (Why would someone want someone who doesn't want them?) Patience is a requirement. Slow down and back off a little. Men are like on/off switches. They see some girl across the room and they instantly want to get married without even knowing who the girl is. Women are more like volume knobs. It takes longer for them to fall in love or get in the mood. The benefit is that it takes longer to lose their love if you make too many mistakes. Men and women are NOT the same no matter what liberal psycho babble tells you otherwise.

9. Physical Attraction

Sorry... but there's no escaping this one. You have to take care of yourself. You have to bathe, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and cut your hair (unless, of course, you wear a burka LOL). Some amount physical attraction is necessary for a relationship to even start. I think this one speaks for itself.

10. G-d

I saved the best for last. Following G-d's Torah is the best thing any person could do to be successful in any endeavor. Being the wise sage is much more desirable than an ignorant fool. The closer we are to Hashem, the better we feel about ourselves, the better we hold ourselves, the better we act, and the more confident and reliable we become. It is so important to work on our character. While a new car or job might be exciting at first, they lose their luster after a short time. The only thing in life that never loses it's meaning is our relationship with the Creator. Relationships may have ups and downs but Hashem is forever.
"In the final analysis, for the believer there are no questions, and for the non-believer there are no answers." -Chofetz Chaim

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2007, 01:44:59 PM »
A fight can also be a struggle againts a situation or a struggle to reach a life goal....I think.

Mills, that mayo' bottle of yours is cracking me up. :::D

Offline Shlomo

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2007, 02:59:51 PM »
Thanks, There Are No 'Israeli' Arabs.

By fights, I mean arguments where hurtful, or abusive language or actions are taken. This one I learned from Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D. (who writes for Feldheim) and took great thought into it. I actually was able to do this and it is completely possible if someone has the right attitude.

That is an amazing post, Shlomo. Thank you so much for sharing some of what you learned. On the stuff about fighting though, what do you mean by a fight? Is a fight just an insult, or an all-out war on the other person?
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Offline nessuno

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2007, 07:01:13 PM »
Mills is right Shlomo. 
That was an amazing post!
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Offline shemtov

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #8 on: December 18, 2007, 03:08:36 AM »

 Why would it be so bad though? I mean, I'm studying with Chabad and love it so much, and eventually when I finish converting I will hopefully get married someday. I don't think I would overlook a Modern Orthodox man, though.

I'm curious how long have you been associating with Chabad and where? Studying with shluchim is one thing, living and working in a Lubavitch community is very much another thing. 

There's a lot more to being a Chabanik than just minhagim.

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Offline Shlomo

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2007, 05:12:30 AM »
I absolutely love Chabad and from the small amount that I studied, I find myself agreeing with Chassidic philosophy. It's very beautiful and profound.
"In the final analysis, for the believer there are no questions, and for the non-believer there are no answers." -Chofetz Chaim

Offline G-dIsMyJudge

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2007, 02:23:20 AM »
I would like to chime in my 2 cents worth. Unfortunately, I wasn't always religious and, in the past, I made a lot of mistakes and sins with women. I'm not proud of it but I know what works and what doesn't and that information has helped me profoundly. I thank G-d for helping me and teaching me. I'd like to pass just a tiny bit of it on.

1. Positive vs. Negative

If a person is overly negative, they will drive the opposite sex far from them. The relationship between a man and women is NOT the same as your best buddy, coworker, or pet - and never will be. "Be thankful for the good things that you've got" or be positive about what Hashem has blessed you with. People forget that the inner drive for a relationship is to escape the daily grind and negativity and feel acceptance and partnership with another. This also includes speaking about someone behind their back or negative things about others (lashon hora).

2. Strength (Self Control)

This doesn't mean the ability to lift weights (not that it doesn't help a guy). This means self control - inner strength. No one respects a person who can't control their temper, behavior, activities, or emotions. A person who has no self control will live a lonely life. Self control could have stopped the mistakes of Adam and Eve. Discipline is necessary for a successful life - not just a successful relationship. I would like to add (and this is important) that strength is also knowing when to say yes or no. A person that always says yes (which can't be honest) comes off insecure and weak. A person who always says no is a jerk. Also, putting pressure on someone to do what you want because you supposedly "need" (lack of self control) is destructive. It's also the opposite of respect.

3. Consistency

This is a no brainer but it's so simple that it's often overlooked. A person who flaky, dishonest, late all the time, or who doesn't keep their word is doomed for failure in relationships. A consistent person is reliable and responsible. We naturally want consistent people for partners - and for obvious reasons. Who wants to raise children with someone who's not reliable? Consistency with emotional behavior is part of this.

4. Confident

No one likes a needy, whiney, or insecure person when looking for a potential mate. How many guys buy women expensive gifts on the first few dates? You know what this says? It says "I'm not good enough on my own... I feel like I need to be manipulative and buy this person's affection" - whether it's intended that way or not! Buying gifts or expensive dates are never a good idea in the beginning. Save that for your spouse and get married for the right reasons. How many men have gone overboard on money and then <u>blamed</u> the female for being materialistic? And how many women have dressed immodestly only to attract the wrong kind of guy? Doing these things is never a good idea. Jealousy is also not confident.

5. Challenge

People really don't like this one. Massuh was correct. People want what they can't have. The notion of romantic love is really a desire or longing for something that isn't readily available. To prove my point, the more distant, forbidden, or persecuted a relationship... the more romantic it becomes. You have to give the other person the <u>gift of missing you</u> sometimes. This means having hobbies or goals instead of making another person your entire existence (idolatry) - which in turn makes you a more interesting person. Challenge does not mean cruelty or to cause someone to suffer. It simply means to be just a little bit aloof and have your own goals and hobbies. I would like to add that calling a person every 10 minutes is extremely anti-challenge and will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

6. Mysterious

Look... if someone knows every last detail of your life, every insecurity you ever felt, and every thought that you have... then what is there left to explore? Hollywood sold people a bunch of crap. You have to be careful when talking about yourself. The best path is always humility. Going on and on and bragging also says your insecure and that you need stories to validate your worth. If men knew how intuitive women are, they wouldn't brag and make up whoppers. We say much more with our actions and we should remind ourselves that we don't need to tell our life drama... save that for your buddies (and keep it positive with your relationship). This is why King David was much closer to Jonathan than any women. King David knew that a romantic relationship is much different than a friendship with the same sex.

7. Kindness

Fighting should RARELY (if ever) happen within the first 2 years of a relationship. This takes self control. Keeping calm and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is vital to any relationship. This doesn't mean you can't disagree... but nothing can destroy a relationship faster than being pushy, jealous, angry, hateful, or argumentative. Remember that romantic relationships are partially based on ego (no one wants a loser - we want the best we can get). If you attack the other person's ego, you hurt the relationship. Walking away is much better than a fight you have to hear about for 20 years. I would like to add that being a gentleman is a good example of respectful kindness.

8. Patience

For some reason, there are those that think they can force someone to love them (or love them more). This is absurd and is liberal thinking. (Why would someone want someone who doesn't want them?) Patience is a requirement. Slow down and back off a little. Men are like on/off switches. They see some girl across the room and they instantly want to get married without even knowing who the girl is. Women are more like volume knobs. It takes longer for them to fall in love or get in the mood. The benefit is that it takes longer to lose their love if you make too many mistakes. Men and women are NOT the same no matter what liberal psycho babble tells you otherwise.

9. Physical Attraction

Sorry... but there's no escaping this one. You have to take care of yourself. You have to bathe, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and cut your hair (unless, of course, you wear a burka LOL). Some amount physical attraction is necessary for a relationship to even start. I think this one speaks for itself.

10. G-d

I saved the best for last. Following G-d's Torah is the best thing any person could do to be successful in any endeavor. Being the wise sage is much more desirable than an ignorant fool. The closer we are to Hashem, the better we feel about ourselves, the better we hold ourselves, the better we act, and the more confident and reliable we become. It is so important to work on our character. While a new car or job might be exciting at first, they lose their luster after a short time. The only thing in life that never loses it's meaning is our relationship with the Creator. Relationships may have ups and downs but Hashem is forever.


Very well said Shlomo!
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Offline JTFFan

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2007, 12:27:12 PM »
Well said O0

Offline dbenshlomo

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2011, 10:01:51 PM »
My experience with Jewish girls is this:

1. No money, no honey
2. If you weigh over 250 lbs, forget about it. (Even though, some hold that if a guy is zaftig, there will be more shalom bayis).
3. If you have no family, or if you have nothing to do with your family, forget about it.
4. They want guys with money, but not a guy that works too hard, or who works at all. Very bizarre.

Offline Yaakov Mendel

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2011, 05:57:56 AM »
My experience with Jewish girls is this:

1. No money, no honey
2. If you weigh over 250 lbs, forget about it. (Even though, some hold that if a guy is zaftig, there will be more shalom bayis).
3. If you have no family, or if you have nothing to do with your family, forget about it.
4. They want guys with money, but not a guy that works too hard, or who works at all. Very bizarre.

Come on, what's this nonsense ? You make it look like Jewish women care first and foremost about money, and that they like lazy men. I don't know what your true intentions are, but your post could easily be considered as antisemitic.

Offline Every Jew AK47

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #14 on: December 30, 2012, 01:29:48 AM »
Top Four Reason Jewish Women Don't Like Me
1. They suck
2. See #1
3. See #1
4. See #1
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Offline Super Mentalita

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #15 on: August 28, 2014, 11:55:34 AM »
I never dated a Jewish women and i never realy had to chance to meet one to be honest so i don't know realy. Actually all women are weird. My conclusion!  :::D
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Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #16 on: August 28, 2014, 02:56:31 PM »
Top Four Reason Jewish Women Don't Like Me
1. They suck
2. See #1
3. See #1
4. See #1

Ironically, speaking lashon hara is something that ruins your chance at a wife.

I never dated a Jewish women and i never realy had to chance to meet one to be honest so i don't know realy. Actually all women are weird. My conclusion!  :::D

Women rock. And don't date a Jewish girl. There's way more other woman and they're all for you.
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Offline Every Jew AK47

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #17 on: September 03, 2014, 12:29:04 AM »
I never dated a Jewish women and i never realy had to chance to meet one to be honest so i don't know realy. Actually all women are weird. My conclusion!  :::D

It all started with Chava..  :laugh:   

You need a good amount of money to find a decent Jewish woman in this day and age.. Nobody is going to marry their daughter off to a guy who cannot keep up with the financial level of other members of the community.    At least this is how it is in the Seattle.  Most Jews here roll in the triple digits.
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Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #18 on: September 03, 2014, 12:44:52 PM »
It all started with Chava..  :laugh:   

You need a good amount of money to find a decent Jewish woman in this day and age.. Nobody is going to marry their daughter off to a guy who cannot keep up with the financial level of other members of the community.    At least this is how it is in the Seattle.  Most Jews here roll in the triple digits.

Not if you're a Torah scholar.
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Offline Every Jew AK47

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #19 on: September 03, 2014, 11:02:21 PM »
Not if you're a Torah scholar.


We were not all born into religious Jewish families and with a top notch Jewish education..  At my age, I am a little past my prime to become a Torah scholar.  I'm not saying it cannot happen, but by the time it happens I will be long past any feasible marriage age.
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Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You
« Reply #20 on: September 04, 2014, 10:54:02 AM »

We were not all born into religious Jewish families and with a top notch Jewish education..  At my age, I am a little past my prime to become a Torah scholar.  I'm not saying it cannot happen, but by the time it happens I will be long past any feasible marriage age.

A little Torah knowledge goes a long way in impressing people.
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