Every time I wake up in the morning I curse myself, and wish that I had never existed. When the sun shines through my window, I cringe; when I hear the joyful song of children on their way to school, I close my curtains, and sleep on: to the end that I might sleep my way to heaven.
Now you might look upon me and rightly think that I am a lost cause.
But of a truth I have locked within me the fruits of many frustrated autumns - the cheerful, crisp morning of hot coffee, meeting fellow-creatures on the campus, and delving into another fascinating lecture.
And of a truth I have locked within me the belated fruits of many unspent summers - walking along the beach surrounded by families, and surrounded by young attractive women, gazing up at me, and wishing to have me right there by the cool sea as the hot sun burns our bare butts.
Yea, and even so: I have locked within me the concupisences of many unknown springs - cheerful as a bird, walking along the chedar groves; beneath a canopy of splendid trees, all green and yellow and brown; sweating brows of youth spending itself in all the earnestness of sport.
Could it be you that is the key to unlock all the hidden potential within me? My dream is to raise the most intelligent and beautiful children ever. I seek to hold a woman in my arms: to take into my nostrils her sweet savour, to feel the overpowering desire of kissing her and making her a mother to my children, feeling her ample and comely bosom press 'gainst the self-same chest which is the seat of my wildly-throbbing, love-struck heart; to reach behind and hold her as she clasps her hands around my head and kisses me, and oh, how we slide inexorably into a railroad of passion, like two trains, meeting head-on: and with a great explosion we join together in harmonious lust, and all the seasons are unleashed, and it becomes winter, summer, autumn and spring many times over ... me and my beloved woman, only knowing each other for that short space of time, knowing of nothing else in the whole galaxy but the power of absolute love and indomitable lust.
I seek to fall down on my knees before the woman of my life: to worship her like nothing else on earth, to be as it were ravished by the mere memory and fond recollection of her: I want her to be my idol, I want her like nothing else I could ever imagine. And I want to think of nothing but her, always and forever.
But I feel that this mechnical, work-mad, unartistic world holds no such possbilities for me. If my ideals seem too high, perhaps we could still get together sometime - go for a walk along the cliffs and jump off together. To die with a person you love is every bit as meaningful as marrying and producing more life with them: because in dying together you both begin a whole new kind of unchartered adventure ... and perhaps, who knows? Maybe even G-d Himself looks down upon tragic lovebirds with a tear in His eye.
Topic: I am seeking a woman (Read 20921 times)