LOL
Laughable things Islam teaches:
There are eleven things which are impure: urine, excrement, sperm, bones, blood, dogs, pigs, non-Muslim men and women, wine, beer, and the sweat of the excrement-eating camel.
The urine and feces of man and any animal whose blood spurts when a vein or artery of its body is opened are impure. But flyspecks or the droppings of mosquitoes or other such small insects whose blood does not gush are pure.
The pus of a healing wound is pure, provided one can be sure it is not mixed with blood.
Every part of the body of a non-Muslim individual is impure, even the hair on his hand and his body hair, his nails, and all the secretions of the body.
Wine and all other intoxicating beverages are impure, but opium and hashish are not.
It is forbidden to touch a page of the Qur’an with anything impure; if such a thing should happen, the page must immediately be washed.
When defecating or urinating, one must squat in such a way as neither to face Mecca nor turn one’s back upon it.
It is not sufficient to turn one’s sex organ away, while oneself facing or turning one’s back on Mecca; and one’s privates must never be exposed either facing Mecca or facing directly away from Mecca.
Urinating and defecating are forbidden in four places: blind alleys, except with the permission of those living along them; the property of a person who has not given permission to do so; places of worship, such as a certain medersas [Arabic schools]; graves of believers, unless one does so as an insult to them.
Apart from these three cases, one may either was one’s anus with water or wipe it with some fabric or a stone.
It is not necessary to wipe one’s anus with three stones or with three pieces of fabric: a single stone or single piece of fabric is enough. But if one wipes with a bone, or any sacred object, such as, for example, a paper having the name of Allah on it, one may not say his prayers while in this state.
It is preferable, for urinating or defecating, to squat down in an isolated place; it is also preferable to go into this place with the left foot first, and come out of it with the right foot first; it is recommended that one keep his head covered while evacuating, and have the weight of his body carried by the left foot.
During evacuation, one must not squat facing the sun or the moon, unless one’s genitals are covered. While defecating, one must also avoid squatting exposed to the wind, or in public places, or at the door one’s house, or under a fruit tree. At the time of the evacuation, one must also avoid eating, dallying, or washing one’s anus with the right hand. Finally, one must avoid talking, unless one is absolutely forced to or is addressing a prayer to Allah.
After urination, one must first wash the anus if it has been soiled by urine; then one must press three times with the middle finger of his left hand on the part between the anus and the base of the penis; then one must put his thumb on top of the penis and his index finger on the bottom and pull the skin forward three times as far as the circumcision ring; and after that three times squeeze the tip of the penis.
If a man sodomizes the son, brother, or father of his wife after their marriage, the marriage remains valid.
A woman who has contracted a continuing marriage does not have the right to go out of the house without her husband’s permission; she must remain at his disposal for the fulfillment of any one of his desires, and may not refuse herself to him except for a religiously valid reason. If she is totally submissive to him, the husband must provide her with her food, clothing, and lodging, whether or not he has the means to do so.
To look upon the face and hair of a girl who has not reached puberty, if it is done without intention of enjoyment thereof, and if one is not afraid of succumbing to temptation, may be tolerated. It is however recommended that one not look upon her belly or thighs, which must remain covered.
A woman must hide her body and her hair from the eyes of men. It is highly recommended that she also hide them from those of prepubescent boys, if she suspects that they may look upon her with lust.
A woman who has not yet reached the age of nine or a menopausal woman may remarry immediately after divorce, without waiting the hundred days that are otherwise required.
No Muslim is permitted to work in a Jewish concern, if he knows, or has the slightest suspicion, that this concern gives support to Israel. Money thus earned is impure.
It is not strictly forbidden for Muslims to work for a concern managed by a Muslim which also employs Jews, provided the worker does not serve Israel in any manner whatsoever. However, it is shameful to do one’s work under the orders of a Jewish foreman.
It is absolutely forbidden to dissect the corpse of a Muslim, but the dissection of non-Muslim corpses is acceptable.
Any meat imported from the countries of the infidels is strictly impure, and considered the same as the flesh of a corpse, unless it is proven that the cattle was slaughtered according to Muslim ritual.
http://www.prophetofdoom.net/The_Little_Green_Book_1_07.IslamThe Koran on Jews:
http://www.prophetofdoom.net/Islamic_Quotes_Jews.IslamThe Koran on Christians:
http://www.prophetofdoom.net/Islamic_Quotes_Christians.Islam