Author Topic: Muslim Jokes  (Read 6918 times)

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Offline futuramark

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Muslim Jokes
« on: December 16, 2009, 05:16:03 AM »
Link:

http://plancksconstant.org/blog1/2006/09/muslim-humor-muslim-jokes.html

Q: What do female Muslims use for birth control?
A: Their faces

Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?
A. "Having car trouble?"

Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.

Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What's toilet paper?

Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.

Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q. When's the only time you should wink at a Muslim?
A. When aiming.

Did you hear about the greatest bash they ever had in Bali? Everyone was bombed. (this last one makes Bin Laden roll on the floor, piss in his robe, and kiss his goat)

Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”

She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”

Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."

Q. Did you hear the one about the violent 53 year-old paedophile?
A. Yes. He is revered by one fifth of the world's population as the one who started the world's most intolerant, repressive, misogynistic and violent religion.
Did you hear about the prostitute who came out of a bar and was stoned? She didn't survive.

LoooooooooooooooooooooooL


« Last Edit: December 16, 2009, 05:27:19 AM by futuramark »

Offline futuramark

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2009, 05:33:40 AM »
Link : http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/104125.html

More Jokes - jihad Humor

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because just a stone's throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

A small plane carrying Yassir Arafat and all his top lieutenants crashes and all aboard are killed. Who is saved? The Palestinian people!

LolllLzzz

Offline SW

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2009, 06:43:54 AM »
What do Mecca and Horshima have in common?
Nothing, yet!

 ;D

Offline Zelhar

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2009, 07:38:19 AM »
hahaa this is actually funny :::D

Offline syyuge

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2009, 12:15:52 PM »
  :::D :laugh:  ^-^
There are thunders and sparks in the skies, because Faraday invented the electricity.

Offline GoIsraelGo!

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2009, 12:19:38 PM »
Mark, what do you call a swimming muslim?   ~~~> A Wet Rag !

Offline futuramark

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2009, 12:54:11 PM »
hahaha nice 1

Offline GoIsraelGo!

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2009, 01:29:13 PM »
I made that one up a few years ago.....thanks



                   Shalom - Dox



Welcome to the Forum Mark

Offline futuramark

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2009, 01:39:04 PM »
Thanks mate

Shalom ::)

Offline The One and Only Mo

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2009, 01:49:50 PM »
AWESOME

Offline דוד בן זאב אריה

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2009, 02:59:55 PM »
Why don't they teach Sex Education and Drivers Education on the same day.

The Camels might get tired.

How do you know you are at a Gay Muslim hot dog stand

Then Hot Dogs taste like Camel Dung.

Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek

it takes place in the future.
David Ben Ze'ev Aryeh


Offline Boyana

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #11 on: December 16, 2009, 04:02:16 PM »
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is the Taliban's national bird? A: Duck

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of [censored]? A: the bucket

Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan? A: Two days.

Q: Why don't bin laden's people eat [censored] sandwiches? A: they can't stand bread

Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day? A: because the camels can't handle it


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Offline Boyana

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2009, 04:06:38 PM »
Home

Taliban Jokes

Q. What's the difference between Elvis and Osama Bin Laden?
A. Osama is a dead man!

Q. What do Monica Lewinsky and Osama Bin Laden have in common?
A. They both blew a power structure!!

To catch Osama Bin Laden, Grandpa sez:
Spray Afghanistan with Viagra and the little [censored] will pop up!

Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden collect goat [censored]?
A. Because it's a great growing culture for anthrax, and it makes terrific deodorant.

Q. Why did Osama fire Martha Stewart?
A. She was unable to find fabric that went with stalagmites.

Q. What do you call a Taliban with a goat and a sheep?
A. Bisexual.

Q. Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Ed.?
A. They only had one camel.

Q. What's another name for the DaisyCutter bomb?
A. The TaliWhacker.

Q. Why do the Taliban wear robes?
A. A goat can hear a zipper a mile away.

Q. Know what the Taliban do for fun?
A. Sit around and get bombed

Osama Bin Laden never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Bill Clinton.

Q. What's the national bird of Afghanistan?
A. Duck!!

Q. Why do they call the camel "the ship of the desert?"
A. Because it's full of Arab semen!

Q. Why are there no TV's in Afghanistan?
A. Because of the Telly ban.

Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden have a beard?
A. He wants to look like his mother.

Q. How is Osama Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A. Both look out the window and see Rubble.

Q. What do you call a Taliban who owns six goats?
A. A pimp.

A fitting punishment for Osama Bin Laden:
Capture him and give him a sex change operation, then return him to Afghanistan to live under Taliban rule.

Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden carry a piece of [censored] in his pocket?
A. Photo I.D.

What'd You Think?

Offline Confederate Kahanist

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #13 on: December 16, 2009, 07:23:31 PM »
Home


Q. Why does Osama Bin Laden have a beard?
A. He wants to look like his mother.




What'd You Think?

I thought that was funny  :::D  I betcha the women in those countries have bigger beards than Santa Clause.
Chad M ~ Your rebel against white guilt

Offline The One and Only Mo

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2009, 07:48:52 PM »
How long does it take an Arab to make a bomb? Nine months.  ;D

Offline IsraeliGovtAreKapos

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2009, 07:50:25 PM »
                                                                     בס"ד

How long does it take an Arab woman to take the garbage out? 9 months  ;D
« Last Edit: December 16, 2009, 07:59:10 PM by Ron Ben Michael »

Offline futuramark

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2009, 08:13:07 PM »
 :::D funny

Political Correctness Joke heh I enjoyed this one...

The New christmas carols politically corrected for muslims.

Little Bomber Boy
Jingle Belts
Violent Night
While Shepherds Screw Their Flocks
I stoned Mommy for kissing Santa Claus
Wreck the Halls
Go Shell Them From the Mountain
Frosty the Boobytrap
Repulsive Jews Below
Oh Come all ye Fanatical
No-go Town of Bethlehem
Hijacked Three Ships
Oh TannenBOOM
Slay Ride

1.
So Lucifer rings Yaweh one day, begging for reconciliation:

"Look G-d old son, we've had our disagreements and the bad blood between us has gone on long enough. I always liked you, you can't deny that, and, well, I'm getting a bit bored with the stifling heat of hell, the grinding of bones and the gnashing of teeth. And don't get me started on the moaning and the screaming, they never end. But hey, I miss you, can we bury the hatchet and start again?"

"hey" says the almighty "don't tell me, hell is being overrun with muslim immigrants as well?"

2.
Jesus and G-d are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see's Allah. Jesus turns to G-d and asks "Father, did you order a shawarma? "


3.
A joke on Mexicans immigrants to be fair hehe
Why dont they have the olympics in Mexico?

Because anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border


« Last Edit: December 16, 2009, 08:18:52 PM by futuramark »

Offline The One and Only Mo

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2009, 08:18:21 PM »
 :::D :::D

Offline futuramark

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2009, 08:27:50 PM »
some more funny jokes I found..

1.
Jesus and G-d are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and sees a muslim. Jesus turns to G-d and asks "Father, did you order a shawarma? "

2.

If a Muslim woman knocks on your front door  - speak to her through the letterbox............ See how she likes it!

Here's another one:

Two moslem sisters, Meenah and Neenah, have just arrived in the USA. On arrival they spot a hot dog vendor. Meenah says to Neenah, “Look, people in this country eat dogs.”

“Odd!” says Neenah, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding, they walk towards the hot dog vendor.

“Two dogs, please,” says Neenah.

The vendor wraps two hot dogs and hands them over the counter. Excited, the sisters hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. Meenah is the first to open hers. She stares at it for a moment and begins to blush with joy. Then she leans over to Neenah and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”


« Last Edit: December 16, 2009, 11:47:45 PM by futuramark »

Offline syyuge

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Re: Muslim Jokes
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2009, 02:07:47 AM »
Muslamics were the first to invent the atomic theory and they calculated that 32 Tonnes of highly enriched fissionable U shall be required for their first test. But they could not put it to any use because they were unable to separate the U from the camel dung.

Alas! Hope if they could have succeeded in separating and testing, then whole Arab would have converted in to a huge crater. 
 ;D
There are thunders and sparks in the skies, because Faraday invented the electricity.