Author Topic: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"  (Read 4445 times)

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Offline Draughts

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There was a thread on JTF about women appreciating cruelty and those so called bad boys. I have to disagree with that shallow statement because it represents all women the same which is incorrect. It is getting tiresome of hearing the line that women don't like nice guys, that it's the jerks to whom they are really attracted. Who says all women want a guy that is not nice? My friends don't, I don't either... there are women who prefer a gentleman, a nice guy.

Women who don't want to end up with partners or husbands who are nice to them are stupid, insecure and enjoy in being hurt, desperate and everything that comes along when you are with someone like that. When a normal woman imagines her life partner, does she see a man who is loving, treats her well, and is nice to others or someone that will cheat on her, beat her up, is never there for her? Those kind of women have a self-defeating personality disorder. Those women are drawn to bad boys because they are drawn  to situations or relationships in which the woman desires to suffer, those women prevent others from helping them, those women choose bad boys and cruelty in relationship because they are attracted to people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available like going for a nice guy.

Women who desire a bad boy like to be treated like dirt, they like to feel hurt, defeated, humiliated, and have low self-esteem. I was never feeling bad for those women because it is their own choice. They are uninterested and they reject nice guys because they will constantly treat them well and they are unattracted to caring partners. Instead of being with a nice caring guy, they like being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused. Those women have issues in their head.

I am puzzled with those women as far as marriage goes. If they go for bad boys who treat them with no respect, then who do they get marry to? Maybe they also get marry to a jerk or manipulative guy. Normal women will absolutely go for a nice, caring, loving guy.

The problem is that people misrepresent the word NICE. When I think of a nice guy, I don't think of someone who is desperate or weak. I think of a nice guy that has his own opinion, stands up for himself, is taking the lead when the situation calls for it and at the same time is thoughtful, kind and genuine and those men exist. But still there are plenty of women who go for jerks, and those women deserve to be miserable for the rest of their lives because they are stupid and therefore they don't deserve anything better.

Many times women who fall for or pursue so called bad boys men are not coming from a place of feeling whole and grounded within. I will always think that those women have issues, they don't respect themselves or love themselves either. Why would they put up with a man who is not nice to them? I had a perfect connected relationship, my fiancé was a nice guy, and when I say nice it means always there for me, just as I was always there for him, he cared for me just as much I cared for him, he was confident, he had his own opinion and he was a man in the relationship who was also thoughtful and considerate at the same time. It is false to think nice guys are "weak".

So those women who appreciate cruelty, can continue chasing the jerks. In the end there are women who want someone that allows us to be the best version of ourselves and who adores and appreciates us. My vote will always go for a nice considerate guy with confidence and opinion, that is a real guy.

I don't know where you people live but I was never surrounded with friends that go for bad boys.

Offline Draughts

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2013, 06:54:41 AM »
Women Want A Nice Guy Not Jerks, Wimps or Douchebags.

Online Zelhar

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2013, 08:55:41 AM »
There were threads about women who choose abusive partners I don't think anyone here thinks all girls prefer bad boys. One thing I think most women want though is a guy who is masculine and manly rather then a metrosexual wimp.

Offline Lisa

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2013, 10:59:17 PM »
There's a difference between being "nice" and acting all desperate and clingy. 

I once went out with a guy who said he would kill himself if he was still single by the age of 30.  At first, I thought he was kidding, and that by saying such a thing, it was proof of him not being a gigolo.  But on the 2nd or 3rd date, he told me he was serious about what he said.

Being on a date with him felt like a job interview from Hell. 

So I guess what I'm getting at is that desperation is very unattractive.  Men don't like desperate women.  And women don't like desperate men. 

Offline Draughts

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2013, 05:53:21 AM »
The 3 Types Of Men In The Dating World

"Dating can be a really fun experience for many people but for some it can be a self esteem damaging time. This is because of many reasons, one of which is the type of person that you are going on dates with. To make it easier, it’s a good idea to work out as quickly as possible who’s cool and who’s not by identifying the type of man that you are dating.

I believe there are three basic types of man, but what is the difference between the three and what do you need to do to ensure that you keep the cool’s and avoid the fool’s!

 

1) The Good Man

The good man is someone who has been encouraged to behave with integrity by his parents. He is motivated to treat others well as he knows that it leads to self respect. This type of man is what I call “female friendly”, which means that he knows quite a bit about how women think. These types of men tend to have very good relationships with their mothers and sisters (if they have any), which leads them to respect women generally.

This type of man will treat anybody well because he believes in behaving with integrity, irrespective of how the other person behaves as he wants to maintain his self-respect. He will not treat a woman badly or take advantage of her as he knows that this is not nice behaviour and he doesn’t want to conduct himself that way. If you are not for him, you could lay yourself on a plate and he will not take the offer as he doesn’t want to take advantage of you

 

2) The 50/50 Man (aka the average man)

Many men fall into this category. They are looking for long term quality relationships, but with the right woman. However, they will still have relationships with women who they have secretly placed in the “short term only” category, while they are waiting for the right one for them to come along.

How this type of man treats you will be based on two things:

a) Whether he likes you or not

b) How you behave

 

Let’s look at the two factors in a bit more depth

a) Whether he likes you or not

If he likes you, he will make a consistent effort with you. However, if you are not the one for him, he won’t treat you the way you want to be treated consistently because he’s not that bothered about losing you. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthwhile/attractive etc., it just means that you aren’t suited – but you are perfectly suited to another man. Never base your worth on whether a man makes an effort with you or not – ever!

Be aware ladies, that some men in this category, will pretend to like you when they know that you are not the one for him as they view you as a short term option who they can benefit from temporarily. They probably won’t tell you this as they don’t want to lose the benefits of having you around. These relationships can be confusing because they aren’t fully into you, so don’t make that much effort but they don’t want to lose you either because they want to keep getting the ego boost, attention, affection and sex that you give him, so he will say the right thing when you moan about the relationship or make a bit of an effort at the point when you have had enough and have decided to walk away – just to get you back to where he wants you. He will say & do the right thing until he gets comfortable again and goes back to not making an effort.

The only way you know a man likes you is if he makes a consistent effort with you, not in what he says but through HIS ACTIONS. If a man likes you, you will know it.  He does what he says he is going to do. He makes an effort because he wants you to like him and stay with him.

Any man who doesn’t make enough effort should be walked away from now. Find another one, as you are just not suited. If you stay in the relationship and make all of the effort, things will never change. People are not motivated to change when they are getting everything that they want

So let’s conclude; If he has decided that you are not a long term option for him, because you are not what he is looking for (this is about individual taste, so there is nothing wrong with you, it just means that you are not suited), it doesn’t matter how you behave (so ignore part b of this blog), the relationship is not going to work out.

Many women make the error of making an effort with someone that they like who doesn’t feel the same. She incorrectly believes that if she tries a bit harder to be nice to him and be what he wants her to be, then he will eventually see her worth and appreciate her. This never works as human beings generally don’t appreciate things or people that they don’t work for. If a woman makes all of the effort, he doesn’t have to do anything and this normally results in him disrespecting her and treating her badly.

 

b) How you behave and whether you will allow him to behave badly or not. Therefore this type of man looks for cues from you and then CHOOSES how to behave

If he likes you, the relationship has potential. However, the relationship will only be successful if you believe that you are a prize and behave as such

If you don’t believe that you are a prize, you will start to settle for second best. Many men will actually test you in some way, especially in the beginning, to see what you will tolerate as they secretly want a woman who respects herself enough not to tolerate his behaviour (weird, I know!).  He will respect you if you don’t tolerate his boundary pushing behaviour

If you tolerate the boundary pushing behaviour, then you are letting him know that you are prepared to accept it and he will continue to do it and respect you less. Don’t think for a second that he will naturally stop this behaviour, so don’t stay around waiting for him to start making an effort. Men will make as much effort as you accept. When you stay in the relationship, you are accepting this behaviour. You are even rewarding it!

 

These men are not toxic men and they do want relationships. They are not trying to actively hurt you but they will test you to see if you are someone that they can respect, as this is what every man wants in a LONG TERM partner. Your behaviour, which you are in control of, will determine whether he respects you or not.

This is why knowing your worth is so important when dating. If your confidence is low, you are more likely to tolerate “boundary pushing” behaviour and will “fail” his test. Work on building your confidence and knowing your boundaries before you start dating

So remember, the only way a relationship with a man in this category can be successful (and many are) is a) if he likes you & b) He knows that he must behave well as he knows that you won’t tolerate bad behaviour

This means that you may walk away from many men as they aren’t for you. There are many men out there, try to find the one for you and avoid fixating on a man that doesn’t reciprocate your effort

 

3) The Toxic Man (a minority of men)

This is a man who has issues from his childhood. See my blog “What is a toxic man” for a few more details. There is a high chances that he will treat every woman badly eventually. This is because of two main reasons:

a) He has suffered in his childhood and has now emotionally shut down to avoid any further hurt. He will not have the ability to understand or consider your emotions

b) He has been adored by his parents to the extent where they have spoilt him. They haven’t  taught him about the consequences of his actions or taught him the importanceof considering others. He will expect others to adore him unconditionally as this is what he is used to. He will have a sense of entitlement

Either way, toxic men should be avoided like the plague. Get out as early as you can, at the first sign of trouble. They may be nice to you and any other women in the beginning but at some point in the relationship, even after a few years in some cases, he will reveal his true colours, but only when he knows you are hooked! (hence you should get out as soon as possible when you see the signs, so you avoid getting in deeper).

This situation is confusing/difficult as you will continue to give him chances as you will wait for him to go back to how he was in the beginning, as this is who YOU think he is. This probably won’t happen as how he is in the beginning is NOT who is truly is. Unfortunately, many men can be very good at acting when they are motivated to get affection, love, attention and sex from you

As you can see, not all men are bad. In fact there are many that are nice. You have those in the good category and many in the 50/50 category (dependent on how you react if they try to test you)"


This is confusing, but to sum up, good guy is many times falsely mistaken for a wimp.

Offline HiWarp

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2013, 06:19:49 AM »
Reading through your post about "The 3 Types of Men In The Dating World", I thought that I was a #1, "The Good Man". Then I read this and quickly realized I was wrong.

"...which means that he knows quite a bit about how women think."

"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny;
when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”
---Thomas Jefferson

Offline weelittlefishy

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Re: Not all women appreciate cruelty and not all women want a "bad boy"
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2013, 02:25:55 PM »
Women Want A Nice Guy Not Jerks, Wimps or Douchebags.

^^^ This. I have no desire nor patience for jerks or bad boys.
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