My friend's fiance called the wedding off

[ForLorN]

My good friend's fiance left him last week and their wedding was supposed to be today. Everything was arranged, people got the invitations, location was set up.... he thought he found the one . I spoke to him today, he said she never showed any signs of nervousness, she told him she wants to be his wife, 10 days ago she was cheerful, happy and excited. Then a week ago she went nuts all of the sudden. She told him she changed her mind and doesn't want to go through with marrying him, so she moved all of her stuff out that day with no explanation. My friend says he wants to bring her back, he loves her, and justifies her saying she got scared "she will come back". He thinks she is just currently befuddled and confused. So he needs an advice, should he chase her and beg to come back or pray she contacts him and do nothing waiting for her to show regrets for what she did? So far he tried texting her telling her he still loves her to pieces and wants her back even if she doesn't want to get married now.

[Dr. Dan]

For just move on with life without her. Eventually date others.

She will not come back right now especially and what stops her from leaving him after she gives birth? 

It might have been a good thing this happened to him. 

[Israel Chai]

That's life. Nothing we can do.

[ForLorN]

Now my friend has gone nuts too, he says because he loves her to death and cannot stand the pain of losing her, he will drink until he pass out. And he never drinks. There is not much anyone can do in that situation.

[Israel Chai]

Now my friend has gone nuts too, he says because he loves her to death and cannot stand the pain of losing her, he will drink until he pass out. And he never drinks. There is not much anyone can do in that situation.

Drink with him. Bring women.

[Lewinsky Stinks, Dr. Brennan Rocks]

I bet that there were warning signs here of some kind. It's not really that easy to maintain an effective facade or front 24/7 with another person. There are usually hints or red flags of some sort that the other person is either (a) too naive and unskilled to notice or more commonly (b) chooses to overlook because they are in love or has the hope that they will change and grow out of them.

This is not me justifying the flaky woman at all--she is indeed a rotten human being to have led him on by this (and we can thank feminism for glorifying and encouraging every imaginable sort of female misconduct)--it's just me trying to explain what (in my mind probably) happened. Drinking yourself into oblivion is a terrible response to this, needless to say. I'm skeptical that someone who has never had alcohol issues whatsoever prior to this would just suddenly turn into a raging lush, also--but either way, he needs to stop this right now because by doing so, she wins.

Your friend needs to work on being a better and more attractive person in every way. I know that sucks and that's harsh, but that's really all he can do since no amount of grieving will bring this flaky kurva back or change her character. I don't know anything else about him so I can't give any more specific feedback, of course.

[ForLorN]

Drink with him. Bring women.

I don't drink, ever. He is like a brother to me and why would I bring him women? The guy is hurt, they were together for 5 years.

[Lewinsky Stinks, Dr. Brennan Rocks]

I don't drink, ever. He is like a brother to me and why would I bring him women? The guy is hurt, they were together for 5 years.

A-ha... those six words go a long way towards getting to the root of what happened. If two people are madly, passionately in love, is it normal for their relationship to drag on for that long without any signs of progress towards marriage? Romantic love is supposed to be intense.

[Israel Chai]

Don't drink? Like only wine? Women will make him less hurt. Maybe he'll marry after 6 months. And technically, Lewinsky, the second they agreed to be together and moved in, they were married. If they didn't have kids after 5 years, there are issues I don't want to hear about.

[Lisa]

Your friend needs to eventually get on with his life.  Getting drunk is not the solution. 

I also have to wonder why they were together for five years before deciding to marry.  After a certain point, I should think you would know if someone is the right person for you. 

[ForLorN]

Your friend needs to work on being a better and more attractive person in every way. I know that sucks and that's harsh, but that's really all he can do since no amount of grieving will bring this flaky kurva back or change her character. I don't know anything else about him so I can't give any more specific feedback, of course.

Well he said she started to change and act strange for the last 30 days or so.  She was staying out late with her girlfriends, it started happening more often then usually.  She was texting and chatting on the phone with her friends all day long, when he asked her what is going on, if there is something they should talk about, she said NO but still she was very enthusiastic about the wedding telling him how much she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Then a week ago and right before marriage she says it is over.

If two people are madly, passionately in love, is it normal for their relationship to drag on for that long without any signs of progress towards marriage?

I don't think it's normal to drag that event to happen for 5 years. 

I know people who got married just so they can be married because it is something that is supposed to be done, with or without emotions. I asked my friend who is married if the person she is married to is her special person, her match? She said nope: "I just like him and I am a 30 year old, it was time for me to get married", I have co-workers who are married and cheating regularly so both sides in marriage have a sort of agreement to cheat. I don't see true love in marriages around me, at least not in my surroundings. My good friend says she loves her husband dearly but is cheating on him.

I believe in the other half and soul mate theories and true love and true peson to share my life with. I will not get married just to be married if it is not true love and partnership. It is not easy to find that in this chaotic world. I have a cousin who stays in life-partner relationship because he wanted to "settle,"  he had fear of being alone and wanted to pair up even if it is not the one and he admits it. And he is not satisfied with his marriage. He constantly tells me he settled too quickly with someone who can never complete him. I don't want to be one of those people complaining about their whole life yet it is they who made those mistakes, we all have free choices.

 As far as my friend here goes, she may love him, it could be she has some commitment issues she struggles with, perhaps, I dont want to justify her, also to leave him a week before marriage is just nasty and awful.

[ForLorN]

I also have to wonder why they were together for five years before deciding to marry.  After a certain point, I should think you would know if someone is the right person for you.

I don't know why people wait that long. I have a sister who is dating a guy for 10 years. 10 years!? And they plan to have a wedding soon. Don't see point in waiting for that long.

[serbian army]

He insisted on marrying her and she was not so sure about whole thing. Her heart says it is not a true love.

[Spiraling Leopard]

Why ask this on a political forum?

[Aces High]

I think there were more signs that his girlfriend situation wasn't panning out.  He's not telling you everything.

But more importantly he should thank The Lord he didn't make her pregnant.  Because chances are very high she would have left him and taken the baby along,  and he would be financially responsible for this child for the next 18 years.

He should thank god on his hands and knees she left.  God saved your friend a life of misery.  Although he may not realize it.


I have some friends this happened too, they didn't get so lucky.  They left with the babies.  And destroyed their lives, in every way you can think of.

[Debbie Shafer]

I would tell him not to crowd her...leave a little space to breath and think about things, don't get pushy...She may change her mind, or decide she wants to be free and date...Pushing the issue never works!

[Dr. Dan]

He should count his blessings that she left him. This girl was no good for him.

And it's not just about love. Love comes and goes. He needs to find a woman who will be a great wife and devoted mother. Someone who will make him a better person.

And if he discovers this quality in a new girl after dating her 6 months, he should propose to her.

I'm a married man for almost 5 yrs. the love for my wife is still there but different from when we were dating. Once two people get married it all changes and it's not exactly the same. It's all about getting along with a total stranger for the rest of your life and being able to sacrifice certain freedoms you have as a single person for your spouse. That sacrifice is one type of real love.

The way your friend's ex was acting was one of a woman who wasn't ready to sacrifice. She might have had another guy on the side.

Again tell him to count his blessings. She was a floozy and he should be strong and date more mature and moral women ready for marriage.

[angryChineseKahanist]

Is this real? You're not a shoe salesman are you?

[kahaneloyalist]

Poor man, I can only imagine the pain he must be in.

At the same time better this happen now then in a year when he'd be on the hook for alimony or possibly child support.

[cjd]

He should just move on... The girl actually did him a favor by doing this now instead of making the situation into a legal issue after going through with it... After 5 years of living together they should have just continued on like that... Some people can't deal with the idea of making the situation legal and binding... There is more to the story than your friend is telling you.

[Kahane-Was-Right BT]

Well he said she started to change and act strange for the last 30 days or so.  She was staying out late with her girlfriends, it started happening more often then usually.

 

She was texting and chatting on the phone with her friends all day long,

These are sure signs that she was cheating.   (And when she says it was with her "friends" that's probably a lie.  The texting all day was with the guy).

Why she cheated is another question.

when he asked her what is going on, if there is something they should talk about, she said NO but still she was very enthusiastic about the wedding telling him how much she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Then a week ago and right before marriage she says it is over.

I've read that when women are unhappy in a marriage (or in this case, a longterm relationship) they expect the partner to recognize that and intuitively understand why and what is wrong.  (Even though of course, that's an unreasonable expectation).  Once they come out with it and decide they want to break it off and ask for a divorce, that is usually when the man suggests marriage counseling, tries to change himself, tries to fix it.  But she is convinced he is doing "too little too late" and that since he didn't know something was wrong before, assumes it will just happen again at a later date.    Anyway, this is what I read from a divorce expert.   

In any case, he's lucky she did this BEFORE the wedding because if it wasn't now, she would have cheated after they were married.   (I'm assuming she cheated, which of course is possibly not the case, but it definitely sounds like it).    Obviously, if she cheated, he needs to move on and find someone who will be faithful.  Meanwhile, if he can find out what went wrong in the relationship that prompted the cheating (probably something she never communicated  to him properly), that will be helpful toward his future relationships just to know what to avoid.

[ForLorN]

My friend called her today asking her if she did that because she was possibly cheating and she said she needs to clear her head and told him he should leave her alone for a few days. Last night he spied her on social networks to see what is going on, she was posting yesterday about clubbing, getting new hair style soon, and praising Lady Gaga's videos?! He is so hurt and confused, didn't see that coming. I think he wants to get her back not just because of love, but also because of the fact he had spent 5 years with her so it is tough to let it all go.  As far as I am aware, everything was on her terms in their relationship.

 I gave him my opinion that possibly she was not prepared for marriage even though she was saying the opposite,  for instance she never liked clubbing and staying out until 4AM and she started to enjoy in those things to a few months ago at the age of 29 saying she is going out with her girlfriends, "girls night out". He is scared if she dumps him forever, which I think she already did. Now he talks how he will soon be a 40 year old and single. He had some kind of a panic attack, he makes it sound like he will be 40 tomorrow and he is 35 now. 

[Lisa]

My friend called her today asking her if she did that because she was possibly cheating and she said she needs to clear her head and told him he should leave her alone for a few days. Last night he spied her on social networks to see what is going on, she was posting yesterday about clubbing, getting new hair style soon, and praising Lady Gaga's videos?! He is so hurt and confused, didn't see that coming. I think he wants to get her back not just because of love, but also because of the fact he had spent 5 years with her so it is tough to let it all go.  As far as I am aware, everything was on her terms in their relationship.

 I gave him my opinion that possibly she was not prepared for marriage even though she was saying the opposite,  for instance she never liked clubbing and staying out until 4AM and she started to enjoy in those things to a few months ago at the age of 29 saying she is going out with her girlfriends, "girls night out". He is scared if she dumps him forever, which I think she already did. Now he talks how he will soon be a 40 year old and single. He had some kind of a panic attack, he makes it sound like he will be 40 tomorrow and he is 35 now.

Sounds like she was cheating on him. 

He needs to move on, and find someone else.

[muman613]

Do not allow the woman to destroy the man. The man must remain strong or else the relationship is dead. Women, despite what they say, want a strong man (bordering on being dominant). In my marriage I allowed everything she wanted to be to be, I cut off my friends for her, I ceased talking to my parents for her, and she kept on wanting more from me. The man must put his foot down and say 'Enough is Enough'... If she really loves him she will beg to come back to him. The man must have good self-image in order to project it to the woman. Woman will attempt to push the man to the limit (if she can) and sometimes this friction causes a lot of 'arguments'. There is a time to give and a time to take.

[IsraelForever]

Is this real? You're not a shoe salesman are you?

You're like me -- you think this thread is a hoax.  Me too.