A topic about random things

[newman]

Save big $$ this x-mas:

About 2 weeks before x-mas day, come home with a long, sad face and act in a very depressed manner. When your children ask what's wrong, inform them that there's been a terrible accident and Santa Clause is dead. Because of this awfull loss, x-mas is now off.

[Sarah]

Salt isn't white, it is translucent and appears to be opaque when light is scattered off its small particles, the same case goes for milk.

Then it IS white... colour is all about appearance. Define colour.

Yes I shouldn't say that it isn't white...because from a humans perception it would be as colour is caused by a visual response to light, but it is an illusion in the case of salt. ...unlike things like some chemicals which in their normal state are not colourless.

[Joe Schmo]

The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.

Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.

[ftf]

The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.

Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.

The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.

[Joe Schmo]

The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.

Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.

The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.

What an asinine remark.

I taught you how to punch.

[newman]

Don't listen to nonsense about not kicking a man when he is down. There is no better time to kick a man.

[Sarah]

Don't listen to nonsense about not kicking a man when he is down. There is no better time to kick a man.

That is absolutely true.

[ftf]

The solar plexus is the center of physical tension.

Get in the habit of relaxing your solar plexus and you'll feel and function better.

The only thing I know about the solar plexus is what happens when you hit it.

What an asinine remark.

I taught you how to punch.

I never tried to say that I wasn't completely socially inept.

[Muck DeFuslims]

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken!!!

I can identify with this.

I used to be conceited, but now I'm perfect.

[Muck DeFuslims]

If confronted by a mugger, tell him that since you saw the film 'Papillon', you've got a great place to hide your money.

Two friends, named Peter and Paul, are walking down the street one night.

Peter lent Paul 20 bucks several months ago, but can never get his friend to re-pay the loan.

Suddenly, a mugger jumps out of an alley brandishing a gun and demands their
money.

Paul says 'Just a minute, Buster!', quickly reaches into his pocket, hands Peter a twenty, and says 'Here's the money I owe you'.

[newman]

Do unto others as the b@stards have done unto you.

[Muck DeFuslims]

It's impossible to lick your elbow.

[Muck DeFuslims]

Admit it, you just tried.

[Sarah]

It's impossible to lick your elbow.

Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.

The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.

[Dexter]

It's impossible to lick your elbow.

Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.

The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.

It's actually possible :

I can't do it, but some people can .

[newman]

It's impossible to lick your elbow.

Yes, i've being trying to for the past five minutes.....highly impossible.

The size of your feet is the same length as your arm from your elbow to your wrist.

It's actually possible :

I can't do it, but some people can .

Dexter, my boy.....

You're gonna make a nice Jewish girl very happy one day.

[Chaim Schmiel]

When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.

This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.

Even better than that. Start a business of your own that doesn't require 50 hours of work a week, like I did. And then you can tell your "boss" where he can shove it. Its kind of stupid yelling at myself in the mirror, but its fun anway!!!! )

[mosquewatch]

Morris and  the Samurai.

There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three.
The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.
The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed.

Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went Morris's sword, but the wasp was still alive and buzzing around the emperor.
The emperor was very disappointed and asked Morris, "After all your sword play, why is the wasp not dead?"
Morris replied, "A circumcision is never intended to kill."


Extremely old joke, but one of my favs.

Jeff

[ftf]

That really cracked me up Jeff, (I think your name is Jeff isn't it?)

[Sarah]

When at the office.....grab several binders of 5 year old closed files and pile them up around your desk. Loosen your tie, ruffle your hair and affect an angry, harassed look on your face.

This will give the appearance that you are snowed under and working much harder than everybody else. The boss will be impresssed and your co-workers and supervisor will leave you alone. This will free you up to answer personal e-mails, play sollitaire and banter with friends in chat rooms.

Even better than that. Start a business of your own that doesn't require 50 hours of work a week, like I did. And then you can tell your "boss" where he can shove it. Its kind of stupid yelling at myself in the mirror, but its fun anway!!!! )

That is funny! Just don't do it when people are around.

[mosquewatch]

Let me ask my Wife for permission too answer.......

[Cyrizian]

A wise man once said, "He who spits against the wind will get wet."

[newman]

I've just started reading a book called 'The Warmth and Humour of the German People'. Finished.

[mosquewatch]

NEWMAN LOL !! I'm charging you the money too clean the coffee off my comp screen!!!!

[Sarah]

NEWMAN LOL !! I'm charging you the money too clean the coffee off my comp screen!!!!