I would like to chime in my 2 cents worth. Unfortunately, I wasn't always religious and, in the past, I made a lot of mistakes and sins with women. I'm not proud of it but I know what works and what doesn't and that information has helped me profoundly. I thank G-d for helping me and teaching me. I'd like to pass just a tiny bit of it on.
1. Positive vs. Negative
If a person is overly negative, they will drive the opposite sex far from them. The relationship between a man and women is NOT the same as your best buddy, coworker, or pet - and never will be. "Be thankful for the good things that you've got" or be positive about what Hashem has blessed you with. People forget that the inner drive for a relationship is to escape the daily grind and negativity and feel acceptance and partnership with another. This also includes speaking about someone behind their back or negative things about others (lashon hora).
2. Strength (Self Control)
This doesn't mean the ability to lift weights (not that it doesn't help a guy). This means self control - inner strength. No one respects a person who can't control their temper, behavior, activities, or emotions. A person who has no self control will live a lonely life. Self control could have stopped the mistakes of Adam and Eve. Discipline is necessary for a successful life - not just a successful relationship. I would like to add (and this is important) that strength is also knowing when to say yes or no. A person that always says yes (which can't be honest) comes off insecure and weak. A person who always says no is a jerk. Also, putting pressure on someone to do what you want because you supposedly "need" (lack of self control) is destructive. It's also the opposite of respect.
3. Consistency
This is a no brainer but it's so simple that it's often overlooked. A person who flaky, dishonest, late all the time, or who doesn't keep their word is doomed for failure in relationships. A consistent person is reliable and responsible. We naturally want consistent people for partners - and for obvious reasons. Who wants to raise children with someone who's not reliable? Consistency with emotional behavior is part of this.
4. Confident
No one likes a needy, whiney, or insecure person when looking for a potential mate. How many guys buy women expensive gifts on the first few dates? You know what this says? It says "I'm not good enough on my own... I feel like I need to be manipulative and buy this person's affection" - whether it's intended that way or not! Buying gifts or expensive dates are never a good idea in the beginning. Save that for your spouse and get married for the right reasons. How many men have gone overboard on money and then <u>blamed</u> the female for being materialistic? And how many women have dressed immodestly only to attract the wrong kind of guy? Doing these things is never a good idea. Jealousy is also not confident.
5. Challenge
People really don't like this one. Massuh was correct. People want what they can't have. The notion of romantic love is really a desire or longing for something that isn't readily available. To prove my point, the more distant, forbidden, or persecuted a relationship... the more romantic it becomes. You have to give the other person the <u>gift of missing you</u> sometimes. This means having hobbies or goals instead of making another person your entire existence (idolatry) - which in turn makes you a more interesting person. Challenge does not mean cruelty or to cause someone to suffer. It simply means to be just a little bit aloof and have your own goals and hobbies. I would like to add that calling a person every 10 minutes is extremely anti-challenge and will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.
6. Mysterious
Look... if someone knows every last detail of your life, every insecurity you ever felt, and every thought that you have... then what is there left to explore? Hollywood sold people a bunch of crap. You have to be careful when talking about yourself. The best path is always humility. Going on and on and bragging also says your insecure and that you need stories to validate your worth. If men knew how intuitive women are, they wouldn't brag and make up whoppers. We say much more with our actions and we should remind ourselves that we don't need to tell our life drama... save that for your buddies (and keep it positive with your relationship). This is why King David was much closer to Jonathan than any women. King David knew that a romantic relationship is much different than a friendship with the same sex.
7. Kindness
Fighting should RARELY (if ever) happen within the first 2 years of a relationship. This takes self control. Keeping calm and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is vital to any relationship. This doesn't mean you can't disagree... but nothing can destroy a relationship faster than being pushy, jealous, angry, hateful, or argumentative. Remember that romantic relationships are partially based on ego (no one wants a loser - we want the best we can get). If you attack the other person's ego, you hurt the relationship. Walking away is much better than a fight you have to hear about for 20 years. I would like to add that being a gentleman is a good example of respectful kindness.
8. Patience
For some reason, there are those that think they can force someone to love them (or love them more). This is absurd and is liberal thinking. (Why would someone want someone who doesn't want them?) Patience is a requirement. Slow down and back off a little. Men are like on/off switches. They see some girl across the room and they instantly want to get married without even knowing who the girl is. Women are more like volume knobs. It takes longer for them to fall in love or get in the mood. The benefit is that it takes longer to lose their love if you make too many mistakes. Men and women are NOT the same no matter what liberal psycho babble tells you otherwise.
9. Physical Attraction
Sorry... but there's no escaping this one. You have to take care of yourself. You have to bathe, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and cut your hair (unless, of course, you wear a burka LOL). Some amount physical attraction is necessary for a relationship to even start. I think this one speaks for itself.
10. G-d
I saved the best for last. Following G-d's Torah is the best thing any person could do to be successful in any endeavor. Being the wise sage is much more desirable than an ignorant fool. The closer we are to Hashem, the better we feel about ourselves, the better we hold ourselves, the better we act, and the more confident and reliable we become. It is so important to work on our character. While a new car or job might be exciting at first, they lose their luster after a short time. The only thing in life that never loses it's meaning is our relationship with the Creator. Relationships may have ups and downs but Hashem is forever.
Topic: Top 4 Reasons Why Jewish Women Don't Like You (Read 34251 times)