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I am very confused about Jewish Dating!!!

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Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB:
Part A: I understand that the whole point is just to get married but my question is if you see a girl in your class and you found out that she is Jewish why can't you approach her and for the sake of even become more Jewish your self. Its very hard to become religious, why can't you have a person opposite sex be supporting you and that way you both might become more religious and there is a chance a big I would say that you could marry that person. Part B: question is How does one supposed to get married through dating if he never had experience even talking to a girl? Part C: If it would be a right thing to do at all, what would be the right approach to that type of girl who is religious herself? Anyway why can't one become friends with a girl I am not even talking about g/f just friends. I am completely lost can anyone explain it to me please I wanna hear your opinions, thanks. 

jdl4ever:
1.  There's nothing wrong with becoming friends with a girl.  It is especially useful so that you use this experience to know how to interact with girls, be comfortable talking to them and to present yourself well. 
2.  There's nothing wrong with talking to girls.  The only theoretical limitation a Rabbi in Ethics gave was that a man doing excessive talking with girls is a bad thing (probably meaning like girls talk to each other for hours about nonsense).  At first I didn't know how to interact with girls and was nervous because I didn't have the experience talking to the opposite sex.  After a while, I got the hang of it so it is good to talk with girls and make acquaintances or friends.
3.  Adults almost never change and if they do change it occurs only very slowly over many years or after a life changing event.  Therefore one should not expect to make one's partner more religious or to get more religious from one's partner since this usually results in failure since adults simply do not change.  If you want to marry someone religious then you must become religious before marriage since your partner is not going to change you.

Hope I answered your questions.  Oh, if you are Haredi or go to an Haredi school or Haredi Rabbi then they might tell you nonsense that you can't look at a girl or even talk to one, don't listen to them; this is not the Torah approach but is to the far extreme beyond what the Torah teaches. 

Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB:

--- Quote from: jdl4ever on March 06, 2008, 05:38:15 PM ---1.  There's nothing wrong with becoming friends with a girl.  It is especially useful so that you use this experience to know how to interact with girls, be comfortable talking to them and to present yourself well. 
2.  There's nothing wrong with talking to girls.  The only theoretical limitation a Rabbi in Ethics gave was that a man doing excessive talking with girls is a bad thing (probably meaning like girls talk to each other for hours about nonsense).  At first I didn't know how to interact with girls and was nervous because I didn't have the experience talking to the opposite sex.  After a while, I got the hang of it so it is good to talk with girls and make acquaintances or friends.
3.  Adults almost never change and if they do change it occurs only very slowly over many years or after a life changing event.  Therefore one should not expect to make one's partner more religious or to get more religious from one's partner since this usually results in failure since adults simply do not change.  If you want to marry someone religious then you must become religious before marriage since your partner is not going to change you.

Hope I answered your questions.  Oh, if you are Haredi or go to an Haredi school or Haredi Rabbi then they might tell you nonsense that you can't look at a girl or even talk to one, don't listen to them; this is not the Torah approach but is to the far extreme beyond what the Torah teaches. 

--- End quote ---
thanks a lot for taking your time to write out your answers 

jdl4ever:
Basically the Rabbis don't want you to think about lying with a girl when you speak with her.  As long as you are not lusting over a girl and thinking about sleeping with them then there is no problem talking with girls, looking at them and making friends.  Don't let the Haredim try to fool you by stretching the Rambam to mean one can't look at women or talk to them; or that you can't appreciate their beauty (w/o lusting over it) as the Shulchan Aruch has a blessing one is supposed to make on beautiful people. 

Haim_Ben_Shimon_3JFB:
thanks guys for your answers. I wish more people could have reply to this though, but its either not that many people in this section or its very difficult topic.

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