Was Jesus Black interesting discussion by church Elders

[mord]

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0302/blackjesus.html

Was Jesus Black?
Official Findings | Board of Deacons

 The Landover Board of Deacons answered this question with a resounding “No” Monday night. As all church members know, every Monday, the board discusses one of the seemingly countless inexplicable theological quandaries presented by the Good Book. The board then presents its unequivocal findings to the men of the church so they can tell their wives what to say should the issue ever come up in casual conversation at the beauty parlor or mall. Last week, newly retained Pastor Stuart Mill instigated the most heated and angry debate among the board since the 1997 proposal by the late Deacon Darren Cravitz to condemn witch burnings was soundly defeated. Pastor Mill suggested the Lord Jesus Christ was actually a black man! After 15 minutes of angry debate, the Board unanimously rejected Mill’s claims. (Mill’s vote was not counted since he resigned from the church and left Freehold after his family’s home was destroyed by an electrical fire Tuesday night.) Pastor Deacon Fred ordered that the transcript of the meeting be posted here, so all churchgoers can see how outrageous such a thought is and avoid any repetition of the claim.


Transcript of Board of Deacons Meeting
Landover Baptist Church
Monday, February 11, 2002
7:05 p.m.
Deacon Fred: I asked Pastor Mill, the most recent addition to our clergy, to select and introduce an important unresolved Biblical issue so we can resolve it tonight and tell our members tomorrow what they are to believe. Pastor Mill . . .

Mill:Thank you, Deacon Fred. For many years, there has been a significant disagreement among Biblical scholars over Jesus Christ’s heritage, in particular, what race he was. After several years of research, I have come to the conclusion that . . .

Brother Harry: Excuse me, Pastor Mill, but you’re new to the church and may be under the misimpression that this meeting is an informal gathering of church executives to banter and tell jokes, much like Thursday night at the lodge. We’re here to discuss serious issues, and our membership is eager to learn what we’ve decided the Lord’s often indecipherable statements really mean this week. Now, please, introduce tonight’s real issue.

Mill: I am quite serious, Brother Harry. After spending hundreds of hours researching genealogies and Christ’s lineage, I have come to the conclusion that the Lord was, without question, a descendant of the Negroid race. The evidence is overwhelming that . . .

Deacon Crockett: Pastor, do you really expect us to believe that the Son of G-d, the most worthy man ever to walk the face of G-d’s green planet, was colored? What are you going to suggest next? That Osama bin Looney is the second coming? That Madonna is as pure as her namesake? That the Pope is really a Christian?

[Laughter.]

Mill: The evidence is conclusive. Most of the people mentioned in the Bible were of races of dark complexion. And the region that Jesus came from featured only people of the Negroid and Mongoloid races. There were no Caucasians in Egypt or the surrounding areas at the time.

Brother Harry: That simply shows those were the most depraved regions, with the people most in need of salvation. G-d couldn’t put Jesus in America because there wasn’t an America yet. Just a bunch of savages He hadn't sent us to kill yet who wouldn’t know the difference between an unclean animal and an unleavened loaf of bread. The bottom line is that G-d impregnated that woman with a boy in His own image – white, blue-eyed and brown-haired. Now, the rest of you have been around me long enough to know that I don't give a hoot heck about secular science, but don't tell me that the great Almighty – the most powerful being in the Universe -- has recessive genes! The fact that Jesus would have to spend his life wandering around people of much lesser heritage is just another of the trials His father gave Him – second only to being killed by those folks.

Mill: Nothing in the Bible says the Father was a white man or that His image would be as you described. Jesus is a descendant of Abraham, who came from the Samarian city of Ur of Chaldes, which was a black civilization, like many, if not most, of the societies described in the Bible.

Deacon Fred: So now you’re telling us Abraham and the other prophets were colored? I suppose you also think Noah was one of them and only found out about that ark because he was trying to steal its radio and lured all the animals onto the ark with a block of fatback. And I guess the apostles were the world’s first rap group. Don’t you think that whale would have spit out Jonah a lot sooner than three days?

[Laughter]

Mill: We know that Noah’s son, Ham, was a Negro. Jesus descended from a number of Ham’s ancestors, including Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Naomi, Bathsheba and Jezebel.

Deacon Wilson: Now, I'll grant you that Jesus did not come from our sort – being born of a poor Jew. After all, who even knew there was such a thing?

[Laughter]

But the Lord Jesus on High did not descend from a pack of colored hookers, my friend!..

[Laughter]

Brother Harry: Mr. Mill, you’ve just disproved your own argument. Everyone here is familiar with the story in Genesis about the night Noah got drunk, stripped and passed out, and Ham went into the tent to stare at his father’s tally-whacker. Apparently, it was quite a sight to see! Noah condemned Ham’s descendants to be servants of mankind forever. The Son of G-d wasn’t a slave, and nothing in the Bible said He came from slaves.

Deacon Fred: I suppose Mr. Mill thinks that when Jesus washed the apostles’ feet, that was part of His plantation owner’s job description.

[Laughter]

Mill: The bottom line is that there is no description of Jesus’ ethnicity or physical appearance in the Bible. And no one has uncovered any drawings or paintings of Him made while He was alive. The first pictures of Jesus came hundreds of years after His death, by artisans commissioned by the white Roman Catholic Church.

Brother Harry: There are also no pictures of Jesus wearing a backwards baseball cap or sporting a brillo pad on his head. However, we do have pictures drawn by True Christians®, then known as Protestants, many years after the idol-worshipers started drawing Him. And even though these True Christians® didn’t live with Jesus, they were inspired by G-d to correctly sketch His likeness, much as King James was inspired by G-d to write the Bible in the way it was supposed to be written. We know all this by faith. Faith, sir, is something that supersedes all your lineages and chronologies and scientific research. If faith can move mountains – it can surely clean up an inferior bloodline in a snap! I move that so-called Pastor Mill’s resolution be rejected, that all church members be forbidden from repeating his ridiculous claim publicly and that Pastor Mill be suspended from duty without pay until the board can decide his fate.

Deacon Fred: We have three separate motions from Brother Harry that I think can be voted on as a block. Answer “Yay” if you support all three and “Nay” if you oppose any one. All in favor:

[Chorus of “Yay’s”]

Deacon Fred: All opposed?

Mill: Nay.

Deacon Fred: All three motions pass by majority vote. Mr. Mill, I'm sure you have a busy night ahead of you – you've probably thought of a hundred other ways to spit in the face of Jesus and slander His Holy name. So I will let you run along, but you are to meet me in my office first thing in the morning. Meeting adjourned

  Is this real it seems to funny to be real

[dawntreader]

I think it's sad.

Jesus was a Jew. Period. Whatever a majority of Jews looked like in Judea during the time of the second temple...that's what Jesus, in general probably looked like. Sheesh.

[Fruit of thy loins]

I think it's sad.

Jesus was a Jew. Period. Whatever a majority of Jews looked like in Judea during the time of the second temple...that's what Jesus, in general probably looked like. Sheesh.

How do you know?  Are you aware that Judea was under the rule of Rome at that time?  And that Rome had a significant number of black soldiers imported from its African colonies and vassal states?

Do you have a soft spot for Yeshu?   

[Yochanan Zev]

We'll all be watching from our skyboxes in heaven.

[mord]

  HERES THE HOME PAGE OF THIS SITE   http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

[mord]

Whats this   

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0803/opendoors.html

 Tolerance- August 2003
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 
  Church Relaxes Negro Admittance Policy
Pigmentation Test and Special Seating Arrangements Now Available!

Freehold Iowa-  Wednesday evening, Pastor Deacon Fred sent elderly white church members into a tizzy of profane catcalls when he announced that Landover Baptist would be admitting people of color into the main sanctuary for the first time in history. He assuaged their fears by confiding that coloreds would have limited access to the general congregation and would be restricted to hidden areas. "We've got to face it my friends," he said, "It's not the same world anymore. There are colored folks in this town who make more money than some of our tin-level tithers, and cash doesn't discriminate based on color. It's all green to Jesus and He doesn't care if it comes out of a Negro's shoe, or a white man's wallet, as long as it ends up in our offering plates on Sunday morning. Praise God!"

Landover Baptist will utilize a screening process invented by wealthy, educated colored folks. "We understand that people of color with money are just as leery of other Nubians whose ancestors were apparently so hideously unattractive that no obese, drunken white man could even bring himself to rape them," said Pastor Deacon Fred. Since Coloreds have developed a successful process for screening out their undesirables, and since we don't have much experience in these matters, the Board of Deacons at Landover Baptist is advising that whites borrow from a pre-existing process that people of color are already very comfortable with. "We understand that this is a very exciting time for local Negroes," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "For many, it's their first opportunity to worship in a real church, with a floor that doesn't turn to mud when it rains, and to be among people whose parents and grandparents first introduced their ancestors to the lashing Love of Jesus. If it's any indication of their eagerness, there is a already a long list of applicants who have paid the non refundable $50.00 admittance test fee." 

Prospective Negro church members annual household income must exceed $148,000 (as verified by non-colored accountants) to qualify for the following admittance tests:

1. Brown Paper Bag Test:
A brown paper bag will be placed next to the face of each candidate. If the skin of the candidate is darker than the bag, they will not be admitted into the church. If such a person is unable to tap-dance or engage in any other harmless talent to the delight of the families making their way from the reserved parking decks, they will be immediately escorted by Pastor Sergeant Connor into the next county.  Those Negroes who pass this initial test will then be directed to the appropriate ticket window and should then pay careful attention to the three signs for the new, separate entrances: Brown Paper Bag , High Yellow, and Passing. Out of loving Christian concern, we understand that if an individual falls into one category, they will be uncomfortable if they are seated in the company of another category. As such, one of the domestics employed by the Ladies of Landover will make a binding, non-appealable, decision regarding  where you will sit based on your skin tone.

2. Pencil Test:
A pencil will be placed through the hairy naps at the back of the head of each candidate. If the pencil stays in the naps without support, the candidate will be denied access to the church, but will be permitted to join us in worship from the parking lot if a love offering is make in advance.

3. Bible Balance Test:
A Bible will be placed at the tuft of the back, just above the buttocks of the candidate. If the hind end is jutted in such a way that it holds the Bible in place without support, the candidate will be denied access to the main sanctuary, but will be permitted to join us in worship in the caged area behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.

4. Pronunciation Test:
Candidates will be given a series of simple English sentences to memorize and recite (example: "I say,  don't you rather think that this pish-posh about it being dreadfully inclement was balderdash, as it appears that it shall be most agreeably lovely – just absolutely, gloriously brilliant -- for well into the next fortnight, no?"  ) If the candidate forgets or mispronounces any of the words, or if the Pastor doing the testing is not comfortable with their quarrelsome or uppity inflection, they will not be admitted to the main sanctuary, but will be allowed to join us in worship from the parking lot or from behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.   

5. Special Test
For legal reasons, we do not discuss this special test publicly. 


Historical Note: Previously, people of color were confined to the small caged area to the rear of main sanctuary where they were forced to stand behind a one way mirror. Coloreds were also permitted to sit out in the field behind the church and watch services on the outdoor jumbo-tron above the parking lot. Since, in bald violation of States' Rights and etiquette,  the US Marshals' surprise raid in 1972 forced Landover members to finally free their slaves, white parishioners have since suffered greatly for the Lord's sake. In some extreme cases, members who cannot afford servants are even forced to do their own cooking and cleaning. Most Landover Baptist members retain their family slaves in the form of "indentured servants." These faithful and happy servants retain their previous living quarters and are given a small salary for food and clothing. In return, they are blessed daily with the privilege of serving the last generation of True American Christians™ in Freehold, Iowa. These faithful servants await their reward in Heaven where, God willing, they will continue 5 star service to God's chosen people who will become their masters in mansions of Glory.

Special Notice: As a privately funded non-profit religious institution, the Landover Baptist Church reserves the right to discriminate based on race, religion, sexual preference, size, weight, height, age, sex, and political affiliation.
 

[ftf]

Seriously these guys are just wrong.

[Fruit of thy loins]

Whats this   

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0803/opendoors.html

 Tolerance- August 2003
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 
  Church Relaxes Negro Admittance Policy
Pigmentation Test and Special Seating Arrangements Now Available!

Freehold Iowa-  Wednesday evening, Pastor Deacon Fred sent elderly white church members into a tizzy of profane catcalls when he announced that Landover Baptist would be admitting people of color into the main sanctuary for the first time in history. He assuaged their fears by confiding that coloreds would have limited access to the general congregation and would be restricted to hidden areas. "We've got to face it my friends," he said, "It's not the same world anymore. There are colored folks in this town who make more money than some of our tin-level tithers, and cash doesn't discriminate based on color. It's all green to Jesus and He doesn't care if it comes out of a Negro's shoe, or a white man's wallet, as long as it ends up in our offering plates on Sunday morning. Praise G-d!"

Landover Baptist will utilize a screening process invented by wealthy, educated colored folks. "We understand that people of color with money are just as leery of other Nubians whose ancestors were apparently so hideously unattractive that no obese, drunken white man could even bring himself to rape them," said Pastor Deacon Fred. Since Coloreds have developed a successful process for screening out their undesirables, and since we don't have much experience in these matters, the Board of Deacons at Landover Baptist is advising that whites borrow from a pre-existing process that people of color are already very comfortable with. "We understand that this is a very exciting time for local Negroes," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "For many, it's their first opportunity to worship in a real church, with a floor that doesn't turn to mud when it rains, and to be among people whose parents and grandparents first introduced their ancestors to the lashing Love of Jesus. If it's any indication of their eagerness, there is a already a long list of applicants who have paid the non refundable $50.00 admittance test fee." 

Prospective Negro church members annual household income must exceed $148,000 (as verified by non-colored accountants) to qualify for the following admittance tests:

1. Brown Paper Bag Test:
A brown paper bag will be placed next to the face of each candidate. If the skin of the candidate is darker than the bag, they will not be admitted into the church. If such a person is unable to tap-dance or engage in any other harmless talent to the delight of the families making their way from the reserved parking decks, they will be immediately escorted by Pastor Sergeant Connor into the next county.  Those Negroes who pass this initial test will then be directed to the appropriate ticket window and should then pay careful attention to the three signs for the new, separate entrances: Brown Paper Bag , High Yellow, and Passing. Out of loving Christian concern, we understand that if an individual falls into one category, they will be uncomfortable if they are seated in the company of another category. As such, one of the domestics employed by the Ladies of Landover will make a binding, non-appealable, decision regarding  where you will sit based on your skin tone.

2. Pencil Test:
A pencil will be placed through the hairy naps at the back of the head of each candidate. If the pencil stays in the naps without support, the candidate will be denied access to the church, but will be permitted to join us in worship from the parking lot if a love offering is make in advance.

3. Bible Balance Test:
A Bible will be placed at the tuft of the back, just above the buttocks of the candidate. If the hind end is jutted in such a way that it holds the Bible in place without support, the candidate will be denied access to the main sanctuary, but will be permitted to join us in worship in the caged area behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.

4. Pronunciation Test:
Candidates will be given a series of simple English sentences to memorize and recite (example: "I say,  don't you rather think that this pish-posh about it being dreadfully inclement was balderdash, as it appears that it shall be most agreeably lovely – just absolutely, gloriously brilliant -- for well into the next fortnight, no?"  ) If the candidate forgets or mispronounces any of the words, or if the Pastor doing the testing is not comfortable with their quarrelsome or uppity inflection, they will not be admitted to the main sanctuary, but will be allowed to join us in worship from the parking lot or from behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.   

5. Special Test
For legal reasons, we do not discuss this special test publicly. 


Historical Note: Previously, people of color were confined to the small caged area to the rear of main sanctuary where they were forced to stand behind a one way mirror. Coloreds were also permitted to sit out in the field behind the church and watch services on the outdoor jumbo-tron above the parking lot. Since, in bald violation of States' Rights and etiquette,  the US Marshals' surprise raid in 1972 forced Landover members to finally free their slaves, white parishioners have since suffered greatly for the Lord's sake. In some extreme cases, members who cannot afford servants are even forced to do their own cooking and cleaning. Most Landover Baptist members retain their family slaves in the form of "indentured servants." These faithful and happy servants retain their previous living quarters and are given a small salary for food and clothing. In return, they are blessed daily with the privilege of serving the last generation of True American Christians™ in Freehold, Iowa. These faithful servants await their reward in Heaven where, G-d willing, they will continue 5 star service to G-d's chosen people who will become their masters in mansions of Glory.

Special Notice: As a privately funded non-profit religious institution, the Landover Baptist Church reserves the right to discriminate based on race, religion, sexual preference, size, weight, height, age, sex, and political affiliation.
 

It raises the good point that many white groups are selling out on their principles because of all the money [censored] have made from affirmative action and other forms of theft against white people.

White people don't realize that wealthy [censored] are usually only wealthy because they were given preference over white prospective employees, or because they are gigolos to wealthy white females.

[dawntreader]

Do you have a soft spot for Yeshu?

I just happen to think the argument that he was black is ridiculous. It's like saying Bar Kochba was black. And Rabbi Schneersohn is black...oh and...every other person who ever has, or ever will claim to be the Messiah is black.

It's utter nonsense.

[Allen-T]

Do you have a soft spot for Yeshu?

I just happen to think the argument that he was black is ridiculous. It's like saying Bar Kochba was black. And Rabbi Schneersohn is black...oh and...every other person who ever has, or ever will claim to be the Messiah is black.

It's utter nonsense.

Fruit Of Thy Loins is black

[mord]

No i don'nt think so    radio show with rev debating atheist 

http://infidelguy.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=177565