Well, you know, this is REALLY HARD for me. HARD. My Roots going back to the way b4 1400's in Portugal with forced catholic conversions, that have effected my personal Jewish roots for generations.. Inquisition.. For ie: I ALWAYS want to know EXACTLY what people are thinking of me. I ABHOR when missionized, or preached to. DisLoyalty is an ABOMINATION to me, and I cannot stay friends with a person, AT ALL, if they have backstabbed, been disloyal, or refuse to take up for me. I almost ALWAYS need some type reassuring from CLOSE family, or the few friends that I have, that I am doing right. I CANNOT take being under a personal spot-light, and DEF. get truly AFRAID when someone approaches me, if I perhaps have offended them, I almost feel scared that they will kill me, I KNOW this sounds NUTS, ( I
CONSTANTLY have to work on this,
EVERYDAY, all the time). There are too MANY little things like this, that I have had to pray and ask G-d to please help me deal with, each one is a battle.
When people tell me that I am not a Jew, because of how I present myself, I am not orthodox, and not NEARLY as strong as many here on the frum, I keep Sabbath, in a very 'maverick' way. I get choked up and cannot breathe, if people tell me that I am not a good "christian" I get just as choked up. It is NOT easy having come from a line that are Cryptos, both faiths are in our roots and family now. My whole family is so secretive, Right away, if I meet a person that I REALLY like, I tell the person ALL of the BAD points about my character, so that they know straightaway. Family's that are crypto, are TOUGH to deal with, they share NOTHING with even each-other.
So, HOW DOES one tell if a person is Jew or Gentile? Because of my little insecurities, I take people at their word, and warm up to them instantly.. I suppose It doesent matter to me, AS LONG as the persons intentions are true, and they mean WELL. I suppose this would really bother a person that has BOTH mother AND father that are Jewish.. perhaps people 'want' to be Jewish? I dont know. I would suggest to a person like this to get all of his roots and find out for himself. This is really hard for me, I opened myself up here, because Q's like this get to me. I know THIS much, should I be blessed with a son, he is going to a GOOD Hebrew school, and that is just the BOTTOM line. So, I will go keep Sabbath in Orthodox Temples, etc.. so that my child is
STRONG in Judaism. And, if I should be blessed with a son, from the love of my life, his name is: Judah David. Just for the record.
Cool huh? avid does NOT want his child in a whiney leftist school, so we are probably going to need a LOT of HELP. TY.