On this week's JTF, straight after stating that he wanted lots of babies, Chaim dismissed me flatly for stating that I wanted to sleep with women and self-destruct rather than live to an old age as a nobody. I recognize that I am nothing compared to Chaim ben Pesach but I don't see why it is okay for a religious person to say you want lots of babies when it's not okay to say you want lots of women. G-d forbid, I do not want any babies. I could not raise them properly. I am doing the right thing by avoiding dating, relationships, and everything else. Were it not for a particular event in my life I would even have had a special place in heaven reserved for me, the place where virgins go.
I cannot post on Ask JTF any more. I stopped listening after the first hour. It was going smoothly up until then, and then at that point I was made to feel like the outsider. The spanner in the works. This always happens.
I am a hollow conduit, and the Holy Spirit cannot pass through me. I am forsaken.