Author Topic: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?  (Read 863 times)

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Offline Rational Jew

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Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« on: December 11, 2013, 09:16:09 PM »
I've already posted this question on the upcoming Ask JTF program. But, I would also like to hear others' view on this subject.

Why is it that women are not allowed to divorce, according to the Jewish law? Meanwhile, from what I read, husband can divorce his wife without her consent. I am a little ignorant when it comes to religion, so maybe I can be wrong in some parts. But I would still like to hear your thoughts on this subject. To me personally, it is kind of unfair to women. What if a husband is an abusive jerk who treats his wife like garbage and regularly beats her up after coming home drunk? And yet, from what I heard, a man may not give her a get as long as he does not want to.

What about a child custody?

Also, what are the differences between women's treatment in Judaism and Islam?
« Last Edit: December 11, 2013, 09:28:54 PM by Hey, Nelson! Do you need AC? Guess what, you won't get one! »
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Offline Tag-MehirTzedek

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2013, 09:24:38 PM »
Technically he can be forced to even under compulsion of a whip (of-course if its societally- gov. etc. not allowed that is a different thing)
.   ד  עֹזְבֵי תוֹרָה, יְהַלְלוּ רָשָׁע;    וְשֹׁמְרֵי תוֹרָה, יִתְגָּרוּ בָם
4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked; but such as keep the law contend with them.

ה  אַנְשֵׁי-רָע, לֹא-יָבִינוּ מִשְׁפָּט;    וּמְבַקְשֵׁי יְהוָה, יָבִינוּ כֹל.   
5 Evil men understand not justice; but they that seek the LORD understand all things.

Offline edu

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2013, 02:16:59 AM »
The Torah in Dvarim/Deuteronomy 24:1 gives the procedure to how a Jewish marriage is ended.
The man must write a halachicly valid divorce document and give it to his wife.
The Torah did not provide the option to a wife to write a divorce document and give it to her husband.
In the days of the Talmud a man could divorce his wife without her consent, although he would in most cases have to pay an extremely high economic penalty to his ex-wife, to do so (unless it could be proven that there was a just reason for divorcing her, for example, adultery).
In the time period of the Geonim, (and this in effect in our days) the rabbis enacted a rabbinic rule that in a halachicly valid marriage, the wife,  could not be divorced without her consent.
When the rabbis determined that the husband was at fault, they would in many cases use some sort of compulsion to force the husband to write a divorce document for his wife.
Today there are different views in the religious world, under what circumstances can compulsion be used and what types of compulsion are acceptable.
On rare situations, marriages can be retroactively nullified, by invalidating the initial marriage ceremony. But in usual situations Rabbis forbid making use of this method.

Offline Tag-MehirTzedek

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2013, 11:38:01 AM »
"In the time period of the Geonim, (and this in effect in our days) the rabbis enacted a rabbinic rule that in a halachicly valid marriage, the wife,  could not be divorced without her consent."

 Are you sure it was at the times of the Geonim and not one of the decrees of Rabbeinu Gershom? (Or would he be included in the time of the Geonim as well?)
.   ד  עֹזְבֵי תוֹרָה, יְהַלְלוּ רָשָׁע;    וְשֹׁמְרֵי תוֹרָה, יִתְגָּרוּ בָם
4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked; but such as keep the law contend with them.

ה  אַנְשֵׁי-רָע, לֹא-יָבִינוּ מִשְׁפָּט;    וּמְבַקְשֵׁי יְהוָה, יָבִינוּ כֹל.   
5 Evil men understand not justice; but they that seek the LORD understand all things.

Offline Kahane-Was-Right BT

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2013, 11:30:50 PM »
I've already posted this question on the upcoming Ask JTF program. But, I would also like to hear others' view on this subject.

Why is it that women are not allowed to divorce, according to the Jewish law? Meanwhile, from what I read, husband can divorce his wife without her consent. I am a little ignorant when it comes to religion, so maybe I can be wrong in some parts. But I would still like to hear your thoughts on this subject. To me personally, it is kind of unfair to women. What if a husband is an abusive jerk who treats his wife like garbage and regularly beats her up after coming home drunk? And yet, from what I heard, a man may not give her a get as long as he does not want to.

What about a child custody?

Also, what are the differences between women's treatment in Judaism and Islam?

You are mistaken.   A divorce is between two people and both have to agree to it.

At the same time, with the exception of extraordinary circumstances, no one is just ENTITLED to a get.   You wouldn't believe the reasons that women sometimes divorce men for.   Well, in Judaism, a woman cannot just decide, hey I'm bored of you, give me a get.  That's not a mature adult relationship, and the Torah has imposed a system where adults must act in a mature responsible way or else they most certainly will not get what they want.

Offline Kahane-Was-Right BT

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2013, 11:34:04 PM »
The Torah in Dvarim/Deuteronomy 24:1 gives the procedure to how a Jewish marriage is ended.
The man must write a halachicly valid divorce document and give it to his wife.
The Torah did not provide the option to a wife to write a divorce document and give it to her husband.
In the days of the Talmud a man could divorce his wife without her consent, although he would in most cases have to pay an extremely high economic penalty to his ex-wife, to do so (unless it could be proven that there was a just reason for divorcing her, for example, adultery).
In the time period of the Geonim, (and this in effect in our days) the rabbis enacted a rabbinic rule that in a halachicly valid marriage, the wife,  could not be divorced without her consent.
When the rabbis determined that the husband was at fault, they would in many cases use some sort of compulsion to force the husband to write a divorce document for his wife.
Today there are different views in the religious world, under what circumstances can compulsion be used and what types of compulsion are acceptable.
On rare situations, marriages can be retroactively nullified, by invalidating the initial marriage ceremony. But in usual situations Rabbis forbid making use of this method.

I've been following Rabbi Eidensohn's writings on this subject (daattorah.blogspot.com) and it seems to me that all the recent poskim were in agreement that a get meusa is not valid.   Do you think otherwise?   (It's also possible he is only writing about Ashkenazi poskim because he may not know or follow the Sephardi ones, so I'm not saying you are definitely wrong, just that this is what I've seen from him with pretty convincing proof).

Offline Rational Jew

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2013, 11:44:52 PM »
You are mistaken.   A divorce is between two people and both have to agree to it.

At the same time, with the exception of extraordinary circumstances, no one is just ENTITLED to a get.   You wouldn't believe the reasons that women sometimes divorce men for.   Well, in Judaism, a woman cannot just decide, hey I'm bored of you, give me a get.  That's not a mature adult relationship, and the Torah has imposed a system where adults must act in a mature responsible way or else they most certainly will not get what they want.

What if a husband would suddenly get "bored" of his wife and divorce her for no mature reason what's so ever?
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Offline Tag-MehirTzedek

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2013, 12:30:08 AM »
What if a husband would suddenly get "bored" of his wife and divorce her for no mature reason what's so ever?


 Actually I think in both cases someone can initiate a divorce. In the case of the husband if he doesn't like the way she cooks for example he can initiate it. Same or similar with the wife she can go to Beit Din and complain and say why she wants a divorce. usually Beit Din should do steps to try to appease both parties and try to make their relationship work (make Shalom Bayit), if it fails then they can go on with the divorce.
.   ד  עֹזְבֵי תוֹרָה, יְהַלְלוּ רָשָׁע;    וְשֹׁמְרֵי תוֹרָה, יִתְגָּרוּ בָם
4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked; but such as keep the law contend with them.

ה  אַנְשֵׁי-רָע, לֹא-יָבִינוּ מִשְׁפָּט;    וּמְבַקְשֵׁי יְהוָה, יָבִינוּ כֹל.   
5 Evil men understand not justice; but they that seek the LORD understand all things.

Offline Israel Chai

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Re: Why are women not allowed to initiate divorce but men can?
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2013, 01:07:27 AM »
A wife can demand a get if the husband isn't satisfying her sexually. Either way, in America, if the women wants a divorce, the husband has to sign it. Do you have a problem with that?
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