Do any of you have any experience with divorce?

[zachor_ve_kavod]

Have you been divorced?  Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce?  Was it the right decision?  What was hard about it?  Did the couple remain friends or at least amiable? 

I would like your thoughts about this.  When is it the right thing to do?  When is it the wrong thing to do?

Personally, I feel my parents would have been happier people if they had divorced, (especially my mother, who was alone much of the time).

Marriage is sacred, but only if it's a good marriage.  There is no mitzvah to remain miserable.

[Lisa]

I don't understand what you're getting at.  Are you parents alive now?  If so, are they still married? 

I don't think there's any mitzvah in staying in a miserable situation.  Now granted, marriage requires some compromise.  But I don't think it should feel like a person has to give up what they value.  When there's love, should it really feel like you're giving up something?  I doubt it. 

I actually think some people would be better off divorced.  I'm single and probably much older than most of the members here.   Growing up, I don't think I had the best model for what a married couple should be like.  But that's a whole other story. 

[zachor_ve_kavod]

I don't understand what you're getting at.  Are you parents alive now?  If so, are they still married? 

I don't think there's any mitzvah in staying in a miserable situation.  Now granted, marriage requires some compromise.  But I don't think it should feel like a person has to give up what they value.  When there's love, should it really feel like you're giving up something?  I doubt it. 

I actually think some people would be better off divorced.  I'm single and probably much older than most of the members here.   Growing up, I don't think I had the best model for what a married couple should be like.  But that's a whole other story. 

I wasn't getting at anything in particular.  I was just wondering if people here had strong feelings about divorce.  I think it is a serious issue.  I really believe that marriage is supposed to be sacred and so consequently, I want to see divorce avoided if possible.  However, I've seen people live through hell, out of some notion that divorce is wrong.

[muman613]

Im back with my exwife. It is a long story but basically I am against divorce. It does hurt the kids, I know because my parents divorced when I was 8. Marriage is not a game, it must be a part of life which has ups and downs. And you must share the ups and downs of your partner or else there is friction. I have learned much over the 17 years we have been together.

[DownwithIslam]

Im back with my exwife. It is a long story but basically I am against divorce. It does hurt the kids, I know because my parents divorced when I was 8. Marriage is not a game, it must be a part of life which has ups and downs. And you must share the ups and downs of your partner or else there is friction. I have learned much over the 17 years we have been together.

I am happy to hear that your marriage has be saved. It's always the best for everyone when a marriage is repaired.

Anyhow, I really hate the way so many people get married only to get divorced shortly thereafter. I know many jewish couples who got married and then got divorced over nonsense. What a shame.

[briann]

Have you been divorced?  Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce?  Was it the right decision?  What was hard about it?  Did the couple remain friends or at least amiable? 

I would like your thoughts about this.  When is it the right thing to do?  When is it the wrong thing to do?

Personally, I feel my parents would have been happier people if they had divorced, (especially my mother, who was alone much of the time).

Marriage is sacred, but only if it's a good marriage.  There is no mitzvah to remain miserable.

I agree with you.  A truly bad marriage is horribly unhealthy for both the parents and the kids.

However...  I dont like the Hollywood culture of divorcing for convenience either.  if a marriage is on the rocks... the parents should always try and reconcile and compromise.  Even if there is an infidelity, I dont think there should be an automatic divorce.. it all depends on the situation.  

[DownwithIslam]

Have you been divorced?  Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce?  Was it the right decision?  What was hard about it?  Did the couple remain friends or at least amiable? 

I would like your thoughts about this.  When is it the right thing to do?  When is it the wrong thing to do?

Personally, I feel my parents would have been happier people if they had divorced, (especially my mother, who was alone much of the time).

Marriage is sacred, but only if it's a good marriage.  There is no mitzvah to remain miserable.

I agree with you.  A truly bad marriage is horribly unhealthy for both the parents and the kids.

However...  I dont like the Hollywood culture of divorcing for convenience either.  if a marriage is on the rocks... the parents should always try and reconcile and compromise.  Even if there is an infidelity, I dont think there should be an automatic divorce.. it all depends on the situation.  

I agree with you in general but if someone seriously cheated on their spouse, that might actually be a good reason for a divorce. It is really hard to have a healthy and honest relationship after that. I know two men who cheated on their wives and their wives dumped them for legit reasons.

[briann]

Have you been divorced?  Do you know anyone who has gone through a divorce?  Was it the right decision?  What was hard about it?  Did the couple remain friends or at least amiable? 

I would like your thoughts about this.  When is it the right thing to do?  When is it the wrong thing to do?

Personally, I feel my parents would have been happier people if they had divorced, (especially my mother, who was alone much of the time).

Marriage is sacred, but only if it's a good marriage.  There is no mitzvah to remain miserable.

I agree with you.  A truly bad marriage is horribly unhealthy for both the parents and the kids.

However...  I dont like the Hollywood culture of divorcing for convenience either.  if a marriage is on the rocks... the parents should always try and reconcile and compromise.  Even if there is an infidelity, I dont think there should be an automatic divorce.. it all depends on the situation.  

I agree with you in general but if someone seriously cheated on their spouse, that might actually be a good reason for a divorce. It is really hard to have a healthy and honest relationship after that. I know two men who cheated on their wives and their wives dumped them for legit reasons.

Personally, I think cheating is deplorable.  However... I know many married men who have confided that they have cheated... and some of them, the ones that have remorse and are otherwise good parents/providers/spouses should be given a second chance.  Others SHOULD be thrown out.

[The One and Only Mo]

My dad's divorced twice, my mom divorced (once with my dad obviously). I know everything about divorce.

[~Hanna~]

I divorced my ex after he committed bigomy...I couldn't afford to go after him and have charges brought, so I just divorced him (I had to pay for it, too  ) My part at fault was believing he really cared about me, he didn't, that was obvious, he just used me....so I guess that is probobly why I have been alone for so many years now....I'm too jaded, I dunno.

 

Marriage is sacred, to me though. Getting a divorce was like having to go through a death in the family and a funeral, the pain is similiar, if not worse.

I feel really vulnerable even talking about this...cuz it's kind of personal, (but sometimes I'm an idiot).  I don't hate men, but I guess you could say I don't trust them now....   But maybe some day....but I'm getting older, so I dont know, G-d only knows for sure.

[Lewinsky Stinks, Dr. Brennan Rocks]

Divorce is a horrible Chilul Hashem unless there has been actual betrayal and treason (i.e. adultery or outright abuse). Read Malachi 2.

[~Hanna~]

Divorce is a horrible Chilul Hashem unless there has been actual betrayal and treason (i.e. adultery or outright abuse). Read Malachi 2.

Yes....HaShem does not expect us to stay with abusers or adulterers.....although some Pastor's I've talked to seem to think different, but that's another topic....

[Lewinsky Stinks, Dr. Brennan Rocks]

The vast majority of marriages do not end because of abuse and adultery.

[~Hanna~]

The vast majority of marriages do not end because of abuse and adultery.

I realize that.

Mine did.

What sense staying married to someone after they married someone else? 

[Vito]

My parents divorced when I was 7, it was horrible seeing them together and fighting. If two people really can't stand each other and they have kids, it is healthier for the children if they get divorced I say. BUT - it is not to be taken lightly at all. Marriage is suppose to be sacred, so a couple should make sure they've done everything they can to try to rekindle their relationship before they even think about divorce.

I have trouble with the ladies, but I will absolutely not settle for something less than a righteous women that I can trust with my life to be a good wife and mother.

[~Hanna~]

Yeah, I kind of look at myself like I'm damaged goods now....oh well.

[Vito]

Yeah, I kind of look at myself like I'm damaged goods now....oh well.

You're not damaged goods Hanna, you're a wonderful woman! Trust me if you were in my situation you'd be banging your head against the wall 

[~Hanna~]

Yeah, I kind of look at myself like I'm damaged goods now....oh well.

You're not damaged goods Hanna, you're a wonderful woman! Trust me if you were in my situation you'd be banging your head against the wall 

Oh thankyou Vito.... I just feel like I might not ever recover.....kind of like my heart was ripped out with a spoon kind of pain...if that makes any sense....

thankyou for the kind compliment....

Oh, yes, I have been in my own way...... 

[arksis]

You are NOT damaged goods Hanna! Never EVER think that! I was married 7 years........he cheated, bought things without talking to me, put us in debt, abused drugs and alchohol and finally, I could not take it anymore! Thank G-d there were no children!!!!!!!!! I left him, let him have it ALL, figured he could sell it to pay down HIS debts. Went to lawyer and put in papers MY debts and that only I will be liable for MINE, him for HIS. Might not have been worth the paper it was written on, but it has helped me when creditors have come after me. Even 30 years later, it happens! I am now happily married to my best friend for 22 years. Honestly, I don't feel like I was ever married to that loser bass turd. I never think about him EVER. I have no idea where he is or if he's alive or dead and could care less.

Hanna, I am so sorry for your hurt! You must learn to trust again, it won't be easy, but at least now you will be on your guard, but never let love slip away from you OK?

My parents divorced when I was only 6 years old, oldest of 4 kids. My mother just up and left us thank G-d. I truly believe we were better off without her! How a mother can leave 4 kids is beyond me, I will never understand that. That is why I can't say I hated her OR loved her, because I didn't really know her. Didn't meet/see her again til I was 17 and what a mistake that was! LOL We had a hard life, but my grandmother stepped in and moved in with us and taught us morals and respect.........things in which ALOT of kids don't get in this day and age. She came from Poland as an orphan, so family was VERY important to her! I never saw anyone as grateful as she was, to be living here. I learned my patriotism from her and miss her so very very much.

[mord]

I got divorced and i'm really happy i did she drank too much.

[~Hanna~]

You are NOT damaged goods Hanna! Never EVER think that! I was married 7 years........he cheated, bought things without talking to me, put us in debt, abused drugs and alchohol and finally, I could not take it anymore! Thank G-d there were no children!!!!!!!!! I left him, let him have it ALL, figured he could sell it to pay down HIS debts. Went to lawyer and put in papers MY debts and that only I will be liable for MINE, him for HIS. Might not have been worth the paper it was written on, but it has helped me when creditors have come after me. Even 30 years later, it happens! I am now happily married to my best friend for 22 years. Honestly, I don't feel like I was ever married to that loser bass turd. I never think about him EVER. I have no idea where he is or if he's alive or dead and could care less.

Hanna, I am so sorry for your hurt! You must learn to trust again, it won't be easy, but at least now you will be on your guard, but never let love slip away from you OK?

My parents divorced when I was only 6 years old, oldest of 4 kids. My mother just up and left us thank G-d. I truly believe we were better off without her! How a mother can leave 4 kids is beyond me, I will never understand that. That is why I can't say I hated her OR loved her, because I didn't really know her. Didn't meet/see her again til I was 17 and what a mistake that was! LOL We had a hard life, but my grandmother stepped in and moved in with us and taught us morals and respect.........things in which ALOT of kids don't get in this day and age. She came from Poland as an orphan, so family was VERY important to her! I never saw anyone as grateful as she was, to be living here. I learned my patriotism from her and miss her so very very much.

Thankyou for your kind words, ok, I will try....

[GoIsraelGo!]

I divorced my ex after he committed bigomy...I couldn't afford to go after him and have charges brought, so I just divorced him (I had to pay for it, too  ) My part at fault was believing he really cared about me, he didn't, that was obvious, he just used me....so I guess that is probobly why I have been alone for so many years now....I'm too jaded, I dunno.

 

Marriage is sacred, to me though. Getting a divorce was like having to go through a death in the family and a funeral, the pain is similiar, if not worse.

I feel really vulnerable even talking about this...cuz it's kind of personal, (but sometimes I'm an idiot).  I don't hate men, but I guess you could say I don't trust them now....   But maybe some day....but I'm getting older, so I dont know, G-d only knows for sure.

Hi Hanna, I divorced the father of my 3 children after 18 years of marrige. I am your kindred sister, honest. You are not alone! We all try to the best of our ability but there comes a point in time where the only options are murder or divorce. You and I chose the latter option because we didn't want to orphan our Children and we value our freedom. Hugs to you for your bravery and wise choice!


                                                                            Shalom - Dox

[~Hanna~]

I divorced my ex after he committed bigomy...I couldn't afford to go after him and have charges brought, so I just divorced him (I had to pay for it, too  ) My part at fault was believing he really cared about me, he didn't, that was obvious, he just used me....so I guess that is probobly why I have been alone for so many years now....I'm too jaded, I dunno.

 

Marriage is sacred, to me though. Getting a divorce was like having to go through a death in the family and a funeral, the pain is similiar, if not worse.

I feel really vulnerable even talking about this...cuz it's kind of personal, (but sometimes I'm an idiot).  I don't hate men, but I guess you could say I don't trust them now....   But maybe some day....but I'm getting older, so I dont know, G-d only knows for sure.

Hi Hanna, I divorced the father of my 3 children after 18 years of marrige. I am your kindred sister, honest. You are not alone! We all try to the best of our ability but there comes a point in time where the only options are murder or divorce. You and I chose the latter option because we didn't want to orphan our Children and we value our freedom. Hugs to you for your bravery and wise choice!


                                                                            Shalom - Dox

Oh thankyou.....for your support....also.....

Yes, If I were a horribly vindictive person, I would have hired a hit man.....honestly..

Well, anyway.....thanks again!!!

[GoIsraelGo!]

I divorced my ex after he committed bigomy...I couldn't afford to go after him and have charges brought, so I just divorced him (I had to pay for it, too  ) My part at fault was believing he really cared about me, he didn't, that was obvious, he just used me....so I guess that is probobly why I have been alone for so many years now....I'm too jaded, I dunno.

 

Marriage is sacred, to me though. Getting a divorce was like having to go through a death in the family and a funeral, the pain is similiar, if not worse.

I feel really vulnerable even talking about this...cuz it's kind of personal, (but sometimes I'm an idiot).  I don't hate men, but I guess you could say I don't trust them now....   But maybe some day....but I'm getting older, so I dont know, G-d only knows for sure.

Hi Hanna, I divorced the father of my 3 children after 18 years of marrige. I am your kindred sister, honest. You are not alone! We all try to the best of our ability but there comes a point in time where the only options are murder or divorce. You and I chose the latter option because we didn't want to orphan our Children and we value our freedom. Hugs to you for your bravery and wise choice!


                                                                            Shalom - Dox

Oh thankyou.....for your support....also.....

Yes, If I were a horribly vindictive person, I would have hired a hit man.....honestly..

Well, anyway.....thanks again!!!

You are so welcome, anytime Hanna !          :   )

[RanterMaximus]

I am separated from my wife and divorce will soon be coming.  We were just two people going in opposites directions.  Her family, mainly her sister and mother, where always a distraction and a nuisance.  But my wife chose them over me and she will have to live with that.  It is tough for me, but I am moving on, day by day.