I am sure there are situations where a Jewish husband and Jewish wife are married and they were practicing a ritual called, Nidda, but one or both parties has a higher sex drive. Before I get into it, let me explain Nidda: Nidda is the refrainment from sexual practice all of the days of the menstruation followed by 7 clean days, after which the wife goes to a Mikva bath. The rationale, I believe, behind Nidda is that on some women at the end of Nidda it is the day of her ovulation and therefore, if her husband refrains from "spilling his seed" during those 12 days, they have a high likelihood of getting pregnant...and you see how many religious Jews have lots of kids... Now, the other rationale of Nidda is to have a healthy marriage with a fruitful sex life. I personally believe that this is the main Jewish reason of following Nidda.
How does Nidda improve one's marriage if they refrain from sex 12-14 days? Well, what if every night you ate your favorite dinner and nothing else...and it was every single day? I think eventually you would want to eat something else. Sex in marriage can happen the same way. Studies have shown that when couples do not practice Nidda, there is a higher risk of infidelity or divorce. So imagine not being able to have sexual graification for 12-14 days....and your holding it in and holding it in...until Nidda ends...its like having sex for the first time with one's spouse right after marriage. Imagine how much more wonderful that would feel let alone how much more lasting love you would have with your spouse during that time of withholding intercourse.
On another note, I realize that this topic is very adult, but I think it's a topic that can be shared with mature teenagers as well. So my apologies if I'm being offensive to anyone here. This is purely educational.
So going back to the original post about masturbation especially during marriage...if a husband does it (I can't speak for women because women experience a different type of orgasm), he's only cheating himself and his wife...especially during the Nidda period. If they are doing it together, well, it's their discretion..therefore, I don't condemn nor condone it...it's between the both of them and they work out what works for them in the short and long term.
Now, what if he and/or she have a higher sex drive and never can wait 12 days? My answer is that he should consult with his rabbi. There are justifications of having shorter Nidda periods, but I don't know what they are and it should be addressed by a rabbi.
Muman or Chaim or anyone else who knows the rules better than me, please make any corrections.
Muman, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Masturbation and porn are not a way to release. They are addictions and habits. Even if an unmarried man does it all the time, instead of sleeping around which is a worse thing, when he gets married, it could become a hard addiction to break.
It can be a bigger betrayal to one's wife if her husband masturbates without her.
And especially a Rabbi who is married, how could he live with himself if he do such a thing?!
What if two people are meant to be together but one has a higher sex drive than the other?