I appreciate the time you have taken to make such a deep, comprehensive post, using Talmudic wisdom to help explain the issues at hand. I have only had brief time to skim over the large amount of information you have written, but will take time to read them in more detail later. However, let me address a few points on your first response:
A Jew is not perfect, we never were intended to be perfect, and despite our imperfection Hashem still loves us and walks with us. Judaism is not a contest of 'holier than though' attitudes either. Some of your comments seem to draw comparisons between what you believe Judaism is supposed to be, and the failings of those you observe from attaining those lofty goals. We are commanded to be the best we can be, a slogan the US Army molded into 'BE ALL YOU CAN BE' which is a goal we all should try to attain. Hashem does not ask more from us than we can acheive, he gives us all we need to acheive our personal and national missions and it is up to us to make use of our G-d given talents to change the world in a positive way.
Muman, I am not the one to condemn or point the finger.. In fact, it is I who is the hunted one, I am the one that people mock , insult and consider
Inferior. I only wish the Jews at the synagogues I have attended could live up to the standards that you are promoting here in your post. Sadly, I feel the holier than thou attitude and the attitude of superiority and narcissism very strongly among the Jews I am around. It seems everyone is out to make a name for themselves and promote their own superiority rather than form a chavurah and help bring Jews together, lifting one another up and help one another along the way. An, example is when the Shadchan at the Sefardic kehillot I attended said no woman will marry me at the kehillot because my income is too low. That was a big F YOU to me and a sign I was not as worthy of Jewish Olam Haba as they were. My rabbi then proceeded to tell me to sign up for J-Date, since I couldn't marry anyone there. I said, no thanks, I don't want the table scraps, I'll stay celibate, since I am considered inferior in my own community. Basically, my credentials have disqualified me as being a Jew in their eyes. My zealotry, desire, kindness , etc means nothing . Did the fact me going to Africa to help dying widows and orphans hold any weight on my character? No.. People were more impressed with each other's cars or the type of camp or school their kids were attending. The only praise I received at the Sefardic kehillot I attended was about the nice watch I was wearing. Actually, I got the watch 60% off and only paid $150 for it, but it looks like a $1000 watch. All the people dressed up so nicely at this wealthy community that I tried my best with my ability to get good deals on liquidated attire/accessories to fit in.
One of the main concepts of Judaism is caring for our fellow Jews, no matter how far or close they are to Hashem. Hashem says in the Torah to love our enemies (of course not physical enemies who want to kill us) and to not bear a grudge against them, we are to honestly and lovingly rebuke them in the attempt to return them to the correct path. We should not give rebuke which pushes a person farther from Hashem though, which is one reason rebuke is such a difficult commandment.
There are all kinds of bad issues within the Jewish communities, both the religious and irreligious. This is a fact of life and the Torah recognizes this. Only Hashsem knows what is truly in the hearts of men. Is a person pious or is he a sinner? We can only guess what the calculation Hashem uses to determine these issues.
I am not one to rebuke, but I am constantly looked down on and rebuked. However, I will rebuke when I see atrocities committed. As much as I respect the wisdom you are sharing Muman, I also think this mindset can be destructive and dangerous. Where do we draw the line? If my synagogue just ordained a lesbian rabbi, for sake of not rebuking my fellow Jew or risking lashon hara, should I just shut my mouth and go with the flow? EVen though I consider myself the lowest of all Jews (e.g.I have only a few prayers memorized), I still feel a burning driving fire inside myself to speak out when I see people watering down Hashem's laws and trying to destroy the foundations that were built with sweat, blood and suffering of our ancestors.
My advice is always to work on yourself first, make yourself strong in your faith, make your mitzvot important to your lifestyle. Your making the mitzvot important to your life will have added effects on those who are around you. Work on your character traits in a way which makes you more dear to your fellow Jew, concentrate on the traits of compassion and mercy (two of the most revered traits of Hashem) and do not worry about stoning homosexuals. The laws concerning forbidden relationships is not as important as making yourself strong, and influencing others around you.
I don't hate homosexuals.. Heck, I don't even think we should stone them.. I just think they have no place in our synagogues and I think saying Judaism accepts homosexuality, allowing gay people to attend our kehillot, have gay marriages, etc is an abomination and any Jew who advocates this, in my eyes, is worse than a homosexual, him/herself. Homosexuality is becoming very prevalent in the Conservative and Reform movement and I can see it is started to make its way into the Orthodox movement now. IF we just sit back and shut our mouths for fear of offending our fellow Jew, we will find that our communities will be infiltrated and foundations will be destroyed for the sake of our emotions and fear of offending man. But what if for the sake of pleasing man, we offend Hashem??
You should want to give money to your community, you should want to better the Jewish people around you. They are your family. It was this which led me to Teshuva, when a black Christian neighbor said 'Go back to your people'. The Jewish people are MY people, and they should be your people too.
Maybe, my community should give me money too? If my rabbi is driving a very expensive car and living in a mansion, like the rabbis at the Chabad's I was visiting and I am struggling to make it, living in an inexpensive rental and risking being homeless every day, as my small bankrupted business is dwindling, may I ask, who should be giving who money? Isn't a Jewish community, more than just giving lots of money to the Rabbi and synagogue, but also helping your fellow Jews? If I am the poorest Jew, rather than telling me I am not welcomed, because I can not make the dues, maybe one of my wealthy brothers from the community can help a hard working, determined (not lazy, freeloading) Jew , like myself, to make his way into the community. If I had as much cash as the Rabbis or many of members of the communities I was attending, I would not even think twice about donating lots of money to the kehillot. As a matter of fact, many wealthy Jews boldly proclaim their donations on Shabbat to show how much they are giving. I was told this practice use to be forbidden in ancient times, but now, somehow, vowing your donations out loud on Shabbat is considered honorable.
I love all Jews, whether they put on Tefillin, say Shema, light candles, or not... Every Jew who was born Jewish has a portion in the world to come, and we should want to help them back on the path to listening to Hashems voice. We should feel personal responsibility when we see fellow Jews acting in a shameful way.
I am the kind of guy who may jump in front of a bullet for my fellow Jew.. I always felt I loved my own people much more than they ever loved me.. Whether they dawn tefillin, recite all prayers, etc means little to me. A kind, humble and noble heart to me is always the greatest virtue, not how many prayers you can recite or if you own a $10,000 pair of hand-made tefillin.
We should not try to shame them, embarass them, or hate them. We should think about what we can do to gently nudge them in the right direction and we will gain merit for every Jew we help.
For the sake of not embarrassing or shaming anyone I vent my frustration here.. Nobody, knows what I think. I am never allowed to say what I think . Most Jews I know get very emotional if you even make the slightest criticism to them. Perhaps, we can also be overly sensitive and this also has resulted in our communities from addressing some very serious issues?? Just a thought!
I do not think it is a panacea to believe that joining a Yemenite community will solve all your problems. That is called idealism and usually a person is disappointed when they find out that the other community suffers almost the same problems as the community which you left. Always believing it is better in some other community leads many to depression.
Do not seek a community which is evil, but judge each one for the good. This is another Jewish concept, the benefit of the doubt... We should not assume that a person who is sinning is an evil person, he or she is just acting foolishly and will some day realize his or her sin....
Don't knock it til you try it, Muman.. And, no, I don't agree that every community is the same. Of course, no community will be perfect and every group of people will have their problems. I guess I feel it is worth a try though. I have spent enough time with Jews here in USA and know I have no luck with them and I am more or less not welcomed and not liked. Sure, maybe the Yemenite Jewish communities will be snobby, cold , unfriendly, women will be dressing slutty and people will look down on me cause I am unmarried, etc. But, at least I know I made the effort to find out for myself. My friend David told me the people are quite different and are quite accepting and live very simple lives. OF course, he was there in the 1970s, so who knows what it is like today. However, I do know not all Jewish communities are the same. For example, most of synagogues here are Conservative/Reform synagogues and their behavior is considerably different than what I would experience from an Ultra-Orthodox Charedi or Satmar synagogue in New York. I have lot of respect for these ULtra Orthodox Jews, but do not feel connected to Yiddish culture. If I felt more Yiddish/Ashkenazi I would think Satmar/Ultra Orthodox Charedi sect would be good way to go, but I cannot live up to their strict standards and don't feel connected to the strict Yiddish minhag they practice. My heart feels more Middle Eastern.